


Feels like Loneliness

by killerbanshee



Category: Girl Meets World
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:56:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 63,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9560411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerbanshee/pseuds/killerbanshee
Summary: The first few chapters are going to be about how the characters are dealing with Maya leaving them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Lucas Friar frowned into the late afternoon, looking down at the envelope handed to him by his ex-girlfriend. They sat on a park bench, his favorite bench, next to four statue children, that had a wall screaming hope, they sat alone, passing time without saying a word.**

**“Lucas, you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, ” she finally spoke up breaking the twenty-five-year-old out of his trance. In his hand, he grasped a closed envelope, that had Maya name scribbled across it. Ever since she left, he never thought he would hear from her again, but after five years Maya finally decides to make her existence known by sending a damn letter directed to him.**

**“I know, I know I don’t have too, but a part of me want to know why she left. Why she left us.” He gazes at the playground, approximately twenty feet away from his current bench, a little girl around five was climbing up onto the highest tree she could find. Around her there was a crowd of children, watching with amusement as the fearless child, sat triumphantly on the highest branch holding the toy rocket ship Farkle has given her for her birthday.**

**“Sabrina” Lucas yelled spotting his daughter, just as she was going to climb down. His heart hit his chest with a giant thud as she tried to reach the branch below her feet. She had one arm around her toy, as she grasped tightly to the old wooden branch. “Hold, on” He jumped up off the bench and ran towards the girl as soon as possible with Riley right behind him.**

**The bundle of children that gathered around the tree, admiring the girl, now backed away, as Lucas entered the scene. Without thinking, Lucas gripped both sides of the tree and pushed himself up until he reached the branch next to the girl. He then held out his hand offering it to his daughter. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.” He said, offering her a reassuring smile as she looked down then back up again. “ Just let go.” He leaned his body over right next to her and snatched her hand before the branch broke off then jumped back down into the ground. The child stared at him with her large blue eyes, surprised.**

**“Omg, Sabrina you had me worried.” Riley grabbed Sabrina from Lucas grip and embraced the little girl into a big old bear hug. As she pulled away, she examined the five-year-old from head to toy and snatched away the rocket ship once she acknowledge this was the reason Sabrina put herself in danger. “Darn, Farkle next time I see him I’m going to give him a piece of my mind. How does he think this is safe for a five-year-old. "You could’ve gotten hurt."**

**“Daddy, tell Riley, she is overreacting.” She whined, embarrassed, at how the children snickered at her for needing mommy and daddy’s help.**

**  
“ Sabrina, you could’ve gotten hurt. You know better.” Lucas grabbed his five-year-old daughter as she frowned at the adults.**

**  
“But now I'm a laughing stock and it’s all because of you,” she exclaimed**

  
**“Come, on now I'm sure they’ll forget about it. Right, Riles?" he turns his head towards the brunette who is to focus on her phone probably texting Farkle about today’s incident.**

**“ Oh, Sabrina who cares what they think. They’ll end up forgetting about it” “Now, let’s hurry, we need to get home and make dinner.” Riley grabbed Sabrina other hand once she was done texting and led them towards the parking lot.**

* * *

**Lucas drummed his fingers against the closed envelope, containing the answers to his question. Second guessing himself, while Riley and Sabrina ran off to another aisle in the store giving him time to be alone and think about opening the letter or forgetting about it all together. He runs his finger across the name and turns it over just as he was about to open it Riley came rushing towards him with Sabrina running behind having half the cart full.**

**“Daddy, look.” she tugged his jeans, and pointed at a cowboy hat they found. He smiled, remembering how he always wore his black hat for the blonde beauty. “ I’m just like you now.” she smiled in glee tipping her hat over imitating him whenever he tried to irritate Maya. “ Can I get it?” Sabrina asked when he didn’t acknowledge the subject any further.**

**  
Lucas knew he couldn’t say no without giving her a reason. He looked over at Riley, who just shrugged.**

**“Please.” She pleaded widening her baby blue eyes that matched hers in shade of emphasis.**

**  
Lucas nodded solemnly, then turned away again as Sabrina grabbed a stick horse from the cart and yelled a big Yeehaw across the store.**

* * *

**“Riley, what does far-bit mean.”**

  
**Riley sighed and looked up from the work she was attempting to do on the computer. Sabrina had Riley’s old yearbook flipped open to a spread that had The Mostest - The Mostest printed out in big letters and in the far right-hand corner was the picture of Lucas and Maya with a favorite couple written under it. Riley remembered that day she remembered how that yearbook broke her heart over a day.**

**“The word’s ‘favorite couple’ Sabrina,” Riley answered.**

**“Oh.” She stared back at the page for a moment, debating whether or not to ask her another question. She knew seeing that picture hurt Riley since she frowned upon seeing it. So she bit back the urge to ask about the girl in the picture.**

**After a few** lapse **moments of silence, Riley looked over at Sabrina, who was now intensely looking at the photo. Unable to look at the blonde sad face anymore Riley puts her work aside and sat down on the floor next to Sabrina.**

**“Her name is Maya we use to be best friends,” Riley said, breaking the little girl from her trance.**

**Sabrina turned her head to look at her and saw tears coming down “ What happened to her? Why doesn’t no one speak about her.”**

  
**“ Well, it’s hard to talk about someone who broke our trust.”**

  
**“ How did she break your trust.” she looked up at Riley with the same blue eyes that reminded her of Maya.**

* * *

 

**"Maya?"**

**Maya and Lucas jump apart like they've been burned, how could they forget about Riley standing more than five feet away from them.**

**"What's going on?" Riley ask looking at both of them, while Brandon excuses himself.**

**Maya looks up at her, opening her mouth like she's going to explain, but Lucas is the one who speaks. "We were going to--"**

**"Maya," Riley cuts him off with a glare. "What is going on?"**

**"Riley, how much of that, did you hear." she says, words barely audible.**

**Riley feels anger rising in her chest, and she takes another deep breath, trying to quell it. “Enough to know you lied to me.”**

**"I, I--" Maya looks at Lucas, waiting for him to save her.**

**"Riley, I never lied about my feelings towards Maya," Lucas says. Unlike Maya, he doesn't look guilty. “ You said you were okay with us.”**

**"Lucas, don’t. I always have been okay with this but why lie to me about it. Why not tell me the truth?" She says. The words sound eerily calm, even when she really wants to scream at them.**

**"You're a jerk. I can't believe you-- lied to my face.”**

_**"Riley," Maya cuts her off, and there's an edge to her voice that makes Riley stop. "I was going to tell you. I was confused. I was so -- I'm sorry. I know I should have told you. And I know I fucked up. I'll apologize for not telling you. I'll apologize for hurting you. But I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel."** _

_**Riley gapes, and she feels her eyes widen impossibly. “You really just don’t get it. I need to leave. Hope you are happy with yourselves.”** _

 

* * *

**“Uncle Farkle did I say something wrong?” The little girl asked, looking between the two adults.**

  
**He shakes his head and asked the girl to give them alone time. Once she left, he collected the old yearbook and shut it close, realizing why the brunette was crying in the first place. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.” he whispered into her ears while she cried “Everything is going to be okay. We will do fine without her.”**

 **Riley rubbed at her face with the back of her hand and pushed her body away from Farkle so she could get a better chance at seeing her best friend since elementary school, she shook her head at him and started crying all over again while saying it was her fault.**  
**“Riley** listen **to me this was not your fault. Maya left us she left us behind without thinking about how it was going to affect us or that little girl. So don’t you dare blame yourself.”**

**“I yelled at her.” She said in between tears, “I yelled at her and told her she didn’t deserve my friendship not after what she did.”**

  
**“Hey, we all make decisions. We might regret but that’s because we are only human.”**

  
**“You think Maya regrets leaving us.” She asked, looking into his blue eyes.**

  
**“Every day.” He mumbled, pulling Riley closer as she continues to cry in his embrace.**

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Sabrina sat prompt against her pillow, snuggled against her green down comforter.**

**Farkle walked into her room**

**“You brushed your teeth?” he asked**

**She nodded in response and looked down at a picture she had found.**

**“why don’t we go ahead and put that away.” Farkle suggested**

**She shook her head, “ I just want to look at it a minute longer.”**

**“Sabrina.”**

**“Please, just one more second.”**

**Looking back out the door Farkle checks to see if Lucas had entered the house. Once he sees the close is clear he immediately gives in, and walks over to her sitting at the edge. “Alright, just don’t tell daddy.”**

**“ I promise I won't.” she mumbles, still running her small hand over the photograph.**

**“ You remind me of her.” He noted looking back at the picture held in her hand**

**“Really, how so.”**

**“Well, for starters, you look like her and have many of her amazing talents.”**

**Sabrina gathered her long blonde hair and look at it in admiration. “ it’s nice to know I still have her with me even though she can’t be here.”**

**“Mhmm. It really is nice.”**

**“Uncle Farkle can I ask you something.”**

**“I think you just did.”**

**“No, that’s not it.” she turned her head back to look at him, then ask a question no one could ever find the answer to. “Why did my mom have to leave?”**

**For the first time in his life Farkle didn’t have a response. “ I...I don’t know. Maybe she was just scared.”**

**“Scared of what?” Sabrina asked confused**

**“That’s exactly what I wonder.” he places his hand over the small girl's hand and smiles at her once she looks up.**

**She pulls her body forwards and embraces Farkle in a hug. “Thanks for everything. She mumbles**

**“You’re welcome.” he whispered back hating himself for letting Maya go.**

* * *

 

**“ Wake up, shortstack.” Lucas softly shook his daughter.**

**She squinted her eyes to make out his form, and then quickly dove her head back into the pillow yelling “No.”**

**Lucas sighed. The hardest part of the morning is trying to wake her up. She had never been a morning person, even as a baby, and she always fought him like hell just like Maya.**

_**Lucas barged into Maya’s room, throwing his gym bag on the floor and running up to Maya’s bed. Pulling off the covers and shaking Maya’s ankles to wake her up, Lucas plastered on a happy smile as he annoyed his girlfriend.** _

_**“Sundance, stop,” Maya groaned, covering her eyes and curling up into a fetus position from the cold air that had swept over her.** _

_**With a mischievous smile, Lucas let go of Maya’s ankles rounding to the side of the bed. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he smirked. Instead, he jumped on Maya’s bed, landing with a thud beside his girlfriend. “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” he yelled, poking his girlfriend’s face.** _

_**“You’re the worst,” Maya grumbled, shoving Lucas off of her bed.** _

_**Lucas smiled, moving to sit at the edge of the bed, “Just doing my job, shortstacks.”** _

* * *

 

**“Sweetie, daddy gotta go into work this morning, remember? You promised you would be good and get up in time for school.”**

**“No, I can't go to school today.”**

**Why? Are you sick? He leaned over and place his hand over her forehead, checking to see any signs of a fever.**

**“No. I just don't want to go. All the kids make fun of me.”**

**Really, and why would they do that?”**

**“They say I don't have a mother.” She pulls the picture from under her pillow and turns it over. “But I know I do. Farkle showed me this picture when I asked about her and told me she can’t wait to come back.”**

**Lucas was unable to resist stealing a look at the picture given to his daughter. The picture was taken in central park. Maya had her legs wrapped around his waist, straddling him as he carried her around the streets of New York.**

**“ Excuse me, I think I need to speak to Farkle.”**

**“Dad, don't get mad at Farkle. She licked her lips and looked up at Lucas with her innocent blue eyes. “He was just trying to help. No one talks about her and the last letter I got from her wasn't enough.”**

**“Alright, tell you what if you get up off that bed and go to school, I promise I will write to her and demand she keeps on writing even though she’s been too busy in Paris.”**

**“Really!” you think she would come and visit if I ask.” she still had that small amount of hope in her voice that made her father want to cry.**

**Lucas stared back at his hands. How many times did his daughter have to ask that question and get the same answer, before she was torn apart. “ I don’t know. Why don't you ask her, maybe she’ll respond.” he walked over to her desk and pulled out a paper and pencil.**

**“ Hey, maybe I could send her the song I sang. You think she will enjoy that.” she says already grabbing a seat and starting to work on her letter.**

**“I know she would but you need to hurry, we only have ten minutes before class and we still need to mail the letter.”**

**“Don’t worry dad, this will only take a minute.” She pulled out some recycled letter she had hidden in the cabinet and connected them together with the others. When Lucas asked her what the letter where about the small blonde simply said she has been saving them, waiting for a chance to ship them off to her mother.**

* * *

 

**“Riley, can you take Sabrina out of the house for the day. I need to have a word with boy genius over here.”**

**“About what?” Farkle asked, confused about Lucas attitude.**

**“Riley, please.” Lucas asked through gritted teeth as he ignores his puzzled friend.**

**“Sure. Hey Sabrina why, don't we go visit your grandma Topanga and grandma Katy at Topanga’s.”**

**“ Can I bring my guitar.” She asked hoping, she could perform tonight**

**“I think they would love that.” She grabs both of their sweaters along with the guitar and walks out of the house leaving the two boys alone.**

**Lucas waited until the door was fully closed, and then turned to Farkle.**

**“I told you I didn't want you talking about her mother.”**

**Why don’t you think she deserves to know about her. Farkle knew he was pushing Lucas buttons, but yet he still couldn't help but speak before thinking.**

**“No, as far as i’m concern Maya is dead. She died the minute she walked out of that door.” He said despite the burning ache in his chest.**

**“She might be dead to you but that little girl still believes her mother will come back. He admitted**

**Lucas inhale and exhales trying to calm himself down.  “She only believes that because you been giving her false hope.” He replied angrily at his friend.**

**“No you’re wrong, I know Maya she would never leave. Farkle shouted, anger overwhelming him.**

**Once the last word left Farkle mouth, he knew he pushed the last straw. Lucas gave out a cry and charged forward, swinging a giant Haymaker that Farkle ducked before slamming into him and taking him to the ground hard. He clambered onto his chest, pinning him down, and look straight at his face with pure sympathy. “ I get that you’re heartbroken and tired of waiting, but believe it or not Maya will come back. I believe in her, I believe she will realize her mistake.”**

**“Believe what you want, but I don't ever want to hear you giving my daughter false hope.”  He replied, shoving him off angrily so he could stand up.**

**“Funny coming from you. Weren't you the one to start writing to her, pretending to be Maya.”**

**Lucas’s ears turned red as his hands balled into fists. “I did it because it made her happy, but then I notice this will only hurt her in the long run, so I stopped.”**

**“Really, and how did that turn out?” He asked arrogantly.**

**Lucas froze for a second, looking at Farkle in pure anger.**

**“You don’t get to question my parenting ability not when you haven’t experienced what I experience.”**

**“She left us too. Not just you” He shouted after him.**

**“ Stop it. Stop bringing her up!” Lucas shouted, charging at Farkle once again letting pure fury fuel his muscles.**

**He tackled his best friend,and savagely started hitting every possible inch of him that he could reach,while Farkle tried to defend himself.**

**“Lucas get off of him.” He heard a shout from his left. Riley was standing there, looking at them in horror.**

**Lucas movement of hesitation was a mistake. He was blinded as Farkle fist caught his temple, sending him crashing on his back, spot dancing in his vision. He scrambled on to his feet along with Farkle, who looked badly beaten up.**

**“What the hell is happening with you guys?”**

**Lucas glanced at Farkle out of the corner of his eye, his anger rising even more as he realized Farkle let out a side of him he tried to hide from them.**

**“Well, isn’t anyone going to answer?” She was looking at them with disappointment and sadness, sending icy knives through his heart.**

**“ Did you leave Sabrina at Topanga’s?” Lucas asked, avoiding her first question.**

**“Yeah, I asked if they could keep an eye on her for an hour.”**

**“Good, I wouldn’t want her to see me like this.” He said quietly ashamed of himself.**

**“ What happened Lucas you were doing so good.” She asked, disappointed. “I thought you were better than this.” She walked towards Farkle and sat him down against the couch as she inspected his face.**

**“Don’t blame Lucas I shouldn’t have pushed him”. Farkle explained, feeling bad.**

**“Gosh not this again.” She said with thinly veiled anger. “Farkle why can’t you just let it go. She is not coming back. “**

**Farkle swallowed, the urge to tell them about the call. He knew that in the end that would only do more harm than good. They probably wouldn’t believe him either.**

**“Because unlike you guy i still have faith in her.” He said honestly.**

* * *

 

**_Farkle Minkus was sitting in the kitchen nursing a cup of black coffee the night the phone rang around midnight. He hadn’t been able to sleep that night, or the night before or the night before or the night before. He was pretty much sure that he hadn’t been able to since Maya had left. That was about five years ago and the only time he got a full night's rest was about once or twice a month when his body was simply too tired to carry on and he would pass into deep dreamless sleep early in the evening, until early the next morning. Then the cycle would start again. The inability to fall asleep, the endless amount of research, and the constant worry whenever he thought about his friend. God, he missed Maya so much._ **

**_They hadn’t heard a word from her since before she had gone missing and the uncertainty was driving him insane. He needed to know what was happening to her, Where she was, what she was doing, and if she was ready to go home. That was the biggest thing; he just wanted to know if she was ready to finally come back to Sabrina. It really would mean the world to her if he finally found Maya and brought her back home._ **

**_The ringing of the phone startled him out of his thoughts. He frowned at it; wondering who would be phoning him around this time of night? He could think of only one person. He took a deep breath, trying in vain to not get his hopes up before answering his phone._ **

**_“Hello.” he answered_ **

**_He heard what sounded like a sharp gasp, but then nothing. He could just make out the sound of the hustle and bustle of a busy place in the background but whoever had called him wasn’t speaking. He felt his heart sink a little, “Hello? Is anyone there?” He asked_ **

**_There was still no reply and he felt his heart sink further, maybe it wasn’t Maya.He was about to hang up the phone when a single word choked with emotion sounded over the line._ **

**_“Farkle?”_ **

**_It was her. It was her.Oh god it really was Maya.The relief washed over him like a tidal wave and he couldn’t speak for a moment._ **

**_“Farkle?” Her voice sounded again “Farkle are you still there?”_ **

**_She sounded so lost and broken. Suddenly Farkle found his voice again._ **

**_“Maya. Oh god Maya is it really you?” He asked tear beginning to trail down his cheek._ **

**_“Yeah Farkle, it really is me.”She said and he could just see the faint smile on her face as she reassured him that it was really her._ **

**_“Oh, thank the god.” He breathed out sinking to his knees in the process as another wave of relief threatened to drown him, “ Where are you and when do you plan on coming back. Sabrina has been asking for you.”_ **

**_“Farkle I can’t, I can’t go back.” she said, trying to fight back the tears threatening to fall down._ **

**_Suddenly he was furious at her, “ What, but you promised. You swore you’d come back. Maya you can’t take back your word not when you have a daughter waiting to see her mother.” He hissed._ **

**_“Farkle you don’t understand what if she hates me because I left.”_ **

**_He took a deep breath to settle his nerve, “ Maya if she really hated you Sabrina wouldn't be asking for you. She wouldn’t be begging me to help her find her mother._ **

**_She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, “ I don’t even know what to say to her. How am I going to face her and Lucas.”_ **

**_“I don’t know just be honest that is all she is asking for.”_ **

**_“Hey Farkle,” her voice broke at the other end “Thank you for being there for them and for never losing faith in me.”_ **

**_“I expect to see you tomorrow.” He answered back, rubbing away his tears._ **

**_“Don’t worry, I’ll be there.” She said then the line went dead._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first few chapters are going to be about how the characters are dealing with Maya leaving them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Paris Berelc picked up the last of the few stray toys on the ground, and set them down gently inside a red and blue trunk. She glanced back at the only child left in the room, who sat at a small plastic child size table, concentrating very diligently on a coloring sheet. She smiled sympathetically, knowing how the little girl felt when she was the last one left at the daycare.**

**Paris squatted down to be at the eye level with the girl, “Sabrina, I think there are still some cookies left over from snack time. Would you like one.”**

**She smiled, hoping to see the solemn child’s face brighten. Sabrina looked up, and for a moment appeared to be seriously considering the offer.**

**“No thank you.” She said after a moment , returning to her coloring sheet , “It would ruin my appetite for dinner.”**

**“Oh” Paris stood back up to her full height, feeling a little bit disappointed. Darn. That was a good answer, but not really the kind of one you would expect from a five year old child.**

**"Alright then.” She muttered softly.**

**“I’m sorry you had to stay late again. Sabrina said, not looking up from her picture.**

**“That’s okay sweetheart, I don’t mind.”**

**“Is it good?”  Sabrina set down her crayon and held up her finished artwork, a printed picture of her family. Their names printed largely in the bottom with blue crayon.**

**“Very good. Do you want to hang this one up here, or take it home?” Paris asked her.**

**“I’m going to take it home that way my mom could see it. Sabrina answered, sliding off of the tiny read chair she had been seated on.**

**“I’m sure Riley would appreciate it.” Paris replied**

**The little girl paused for a minute, then started giggling at her teacher.**

**“ What did I say something funny.”**

**"Nothing, it just Riley is not my mother, she’s the best friend of my father.”**

**“Oh, I'm so sorry I had no idea. I just jumped to conclusions and spoke before thinking.”**

**“That’s okay, sometimes I consider Riley as my mother since she has been raising me since I was one year old.” Sabrina answered as she started putting the stuff away.**

**“Well, what happened..” Paris hesitated briefly. “ What happened to your mother.”**

**Sabrina shrugged, staring down at her backpack with a slight frown on her face. “ I don’t really know, my father said she had to leave. But i’m not sad! Everybody takes care of me and uncle Farkle said my mother will be back sooner rather than later. Sabrina quickly said. “ Plus, I have many people taking care of me including you, too don’t I Miss.Berlec.”**

**“Of course you do.” Paris smiled, placing her hand on Sabrina shoulder. “ I’m glad there are people taking care of you.”**

**Once the clock hit, three thirty the glass door adjacent to the now dark front office, and Lucas walked in, looking apologetic.**

**“Daddy!” Sabrina ran to greet him, wrapping her arms tightly around his legs**

**“Hey shortstacks.” He picked her up, and then turned to Paris, a guilty frown on his face**

**“ I’m so sorry that I’m late. He said, “ Riley had a meeting that ran way over, Farkle needed to be in the lab and then I had an appointment set at two.”**

**“ You’re fine. It’s no problem at all to stay and watch her.” Paris assured him, “she may be the most well behave child I've ever met.”**

**Lucas laughed, “That’s a long shot. But I really appreciate it.”**

**Paris smiled, “I’ll go get her things.”**

**Lucas followed her around Sabrina classroom and waited until Paris reappeared with Sabrina guitar and her nylon lunchbox.**

**“Thank you.” Lucas said, taking the items from Paris with the hand that wasn’t currently holding up Sabrina on his hip.**

**“You’re welcome.” Paris replied. She tucked a piece of her shoulder length jet black hair behind her ear, “ I know it’s hard, being a divorced parent, and I’m happy to help out.”**

**“Thank you.” Lucas repeated**

**“Sure,” she paused for a moment, and then innocently suggested what she had wanted to ask for a long time, “Maybe we could go get a cup of coffee or something sometime. You know, if you ever needed a break.”**

**“Oh, um” Lucas nodded nervously, not wanting to reject someone who saw him daily and performed favors for him often, staying late to watch Sabrina, “That would be great. We’ll set a date.”**

**“Oh. okay,” she looked a little crestfallen at the postponement of even setting an actual day to go out for the alleged coffee, but she smiled and nodded, trying not to let her feeling get hurt as Lucas began to walk out of the room.**

**“I'll see you Monday. Have a good weekend.” Lucas called over his shoulder to her.**

**“You too.” she mumbled, barely audible.**

* * *

 

**Before Lucas had a chance to knock on the front door, Sabrina flung it open, and ran inside.**

**“Uncle Zay!” she shouted at the top of her lungs**

**Lucas chuckled as Zay appeared from the small kitchen of his home, in his pjs.**

**“You really have to start locking your door.” Lucas informed him “You’re just inviting criminals into your home.”**

**“I don't think there’s anything in here worth stealing.” Zay shrugged “Unless they’re coming inside to have their way with me.”**

**“Well, you could be very tempting in those rodeo boxers.”**

**“Why Lucas I’m flattered, but do I need to remind you my heart belongs to Vanessa.”**

**Lucas laughed at his long time best friend who is still pining over his elementary school crush. “ I’m sure Vanessa wouldn’t mind letting me have some one on one with my best friend.”**

**“I don’t know Lucas don’t you think it’s time you stop chasing after me and find yourself a new girl toy.”**

**“Speaking about dating, you wouldn’t believe who just asked me out.”**

**“Was it Riley please tell me it wasn’t Riley.”**

**“No, it wasn’t Riley it was actually,” he look down at Sabrina then back at Zay. “Hey, Sabrina , why don’t you go into the kitchen and get some dinner.”**

**“I already had a banana.” Sabrina stood her ground, sensing she was about to be left out of something.**

**“Please,” Lucas begged “you can have anything you want.”**

**“Fine”**

**Lucas waited until the little girl had fully exited the room, and then turned to Zay.**

**He lowered his voice “it was Miss. Berelc, Sabrina preschool teacher.”**

**“The one with the long legs and slim waist.” he asked surprised**

**Lucas nodded in return**

**“Score!” Zay replied, bringing his arm up waiting for a hi five “I’ve always wondered what it was like to be with a teacher.”**

**“Zay,” Lucas whispered yelled “I don’t think I'm going to do it.”**

**“What, why not is it because of Maya?” Zay pauses as he looks at his best friend’s frown. “I probably shouldn't have said that.”**

**“You know what?” Lucas fake smiles through the sharp stab her name brings to his chest. “I am completely over her. I just don’t want to date for the sake of Sabrina.”**

**“I get it. I do, but don’t you think it’s time.” He asked, smiling sympathetically at him.**

**“Well, even if it is I don’t even know where to start Maya has been the only girl I’ve been intimate for a long time.”**

**“Okay dude TMI, I don’t want to know about your sex life all I'm saying is that it’s time you start looking for someone else.”**

**He stares at the wall in front of him, his chest feeling tight. “Zay, I don’t need no one in my life not when I have Sabrina.” He says.**

**The phone suddenly rings and his heart leaps, once he notices the caller id flash across his friend’s phone.**

**“It’s Maya,” Zay informs him, surprised by her call. “Should I answer it?” He asked, his voice filled with concern.**

**Lucas shoves the pain in his chest down, rolls it into a ball and leaves it as a small pit in his stomach. He offers Zay a reassuring smile. “Yeah, maybe she will explain why she left.” He replied**

**“Hello” a voice muffled at the other end, but Lucas couldn’t make out what she said as she mumbles something through her tears.**

**“Wait, Maya I can’t understand you. Why don’t you breath for a second.” Zay informs the blonde beauty trying to get her to calm down.**

**Lucas looks down quizzically at his best friend who looks upset within a minute of talking to his long time best friend. “Zay, is everything alright." He asked, concern about Maya even though he hated Maya for disappearing**

**Zay holds up his hand and shakes his head in response. He looks at Lucas and says give me a minute before he locks himself in his bedroom.**

* * *

**“What did she say.” Lucas finally asked, the way his voice cracked not going unnoticed by either of the young men.**

**“I really think it would be better to talk to you about it later at night, when we have enough time, and you don’t have to worry about.. Emotional setbacks at work.” Zay explained**

**“Oh.” Lucas was silent for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I should get going. I really can’t afford to be late.”**

**He looked towards the kitchen, “Bye Sabrina!” He called**

**Sabrina came running back into the living room, “Bye Daddy!”**

**Lucas managed to stumble out the front door and to his truck, not knowing how he was going to manage to make it through the day. He certainly would not be able to concentrate on his job.**

* * *

**Later at night, the doorbell rang. Sabrina, looked up from the drawing she was focused on, and turned around to yell, “Daddy!” at the closed oak door. Zay stood up from the couch, and walked to answer it.**

**“I’ve been a wreck all day.” Lucas said as soon as Zay appeared.**

**“Come on in.” He held out his hand as a gesture.**

**“Thanks.”**

**Zay led Lucas towards the kitchen. Sabrina started to stand, wanting to join the two adults, but Zay turned and stopped her.**

**Sabrina, stay in the living room and work on your drawing. Zay instructed.**

**“No!” Sabrina protested, shaking her head of wavy blonde hair with force and scowling up at him, “I want to see Daddy.”**

**“We have to talk alone for a minute about grown up stuff Sabrina.” Lucas explained, “Please, be nice and stay in the living room.”**

**Sabrina glared at the two men, but turned on her heels, stomping back into the living room as loudly as possible.**

**“She’s definitely Maya’s child.” Zay commented**

**Lucas allowed himself to chuckle for a minute, though in truth, Zay’s words saddened him. His statement was technically true, but in all reality, it was a lie. Sabrina had no mother, a fact Lucas did not permit himself regularly to accept.**

**“So she called?” Lucas asked**

**“Yeah.” Zay sighed heavily, “She was upset. She’s at some turning point in her life or something.”**

**Lucas scoffed and Zay tilted his head and bit back his lip in an expression that said he didn’t want to take sides.**

**“She said she really misses you.. And Sabrina.” Zay eyed Lucas carefully, “She might even come back.”**

**“Oh, did she finally remember she had a daughter.” Lucas’s sarcasm came across just as it was intended, heavy and bitter.**

**Zay shook his head, “Maybe you should consider talking to her before you attack her.”**

**“No, don’t you dare make it sound like i’m the bad guy. I didn’t walk out on this relationship. I didn’t disappear for five years then decided to reappear hoping everything would be back to normal” Lucas spat out, staring the table down brutally, unable to look his male companion in the eye.**

**“Lucas she sounded serious about trying to fix her mistake. And I know she didn’t handle the situation like-”**

**“You’re Goddamn right, she could’ve at least talk to me.” Lucas shouted “ I would have understood or tried to understand. He stood, in furry, “ Bedside if she was so serious about it, why couldn’t she have called four years ago when we actually needed her.”**

**“She said she knew you would be mad, and she thought Sabrina would’ve hated her.” Zay murmured, quieted by Lucas’s sudden rage.**

**“That’s total bullshit! If she would have kept in contact with us. She then would know how we feel.” Lucas trailed off.**

**“ I know” Zay replied softly**

**“ But you can tell that bitch that I don’t ever want her to come around me or my child.” Lucas instructed, “Use my exact words too. She’s a broken hearted bitch and I want her to know that’s how I feel about her.”**

**Zay nodded silently, unable to look into Lucas’s face. Lucas had every right to be upset, and every right to say all that he was, but the word still stung when they were spoken about Maya Hunter.**

**“You’ll tell her won’t you?” Lucas asked**

**Zay nodded numbly.**

**“Good.” Lucas said hoarsely**

  



	4. Chapter 4

**It was late Sunday evening and LAX airports was as loud and chaotic as always. Children screamed, pushing their parents, stressed from traveling hassles, into screaming themselves. The women argued with employees at check in over the size and number of bags that were allowed as carry on. Men repeatedly walked through metal detectors in the endless security line, each time finding one more lone paper-clip in their pocket to remove.**

**Near the airport's main entrance, a young blonde woman, approximately age twenty five, walked through the doors, rolling behind her a suitcase.**

**“A ticket to New York please,” Maya Hunter stood in the packed airport with a thankful expression, thanking god she had enough money for the ticket in hand.**

**“Fill this out for me,” he asked, handing her forms,as she began filling out the forms and giving the necessary payments her blue, intense eyes studied the young man behind the desk and got lost into his green eyes and strong jaw line.**

**“Mam,” he said, breaking her out of her trance. “You’re all set he explained as he handed Maya her boarding pass along with the other documents and a separate piece of paper containing his number.**

**Maya’s eyes seemed to smile apologetically at the man as she handed back the piece of paper. “ Sorry, but I have a family back at home.” and walked off to go through the baggage control.**

**Ten minutes later, due to the little amount of people queuing up, Maya decided she had enough time to grab a coffee and a snack before boarding her flight.**

**One second, Maya was reading the familiar black and white board to see how long her flight had been delayed, and the next all she saw was a blur of brown and green as she was knocked off her feet, the remainder of her cold coffee spilling on her neck and top. As she hit the floor, she was compounded with a light weight on top of her. “ Oh, shit! I’m so- so sorry, I’m such a klutz are you okay?” Maya blinked a few times as she focused on the man practically lying on top of her.**

**“Yeah, i’m fine.” She pulled herself away from the intense gaze as the male stood up, and extended his hand, which Maya gratefully accepted, but the young man’s strength was obviously not being aware of personal space, and as Maya was pulled up she was almost uncomfortably close to the black haired male and took a polite step back as she looked down and examined her coffee stained top. “ You don’t have to worry about it.” She gave the male a small smile which turned into more of a glimpse expression and walked off to find a bathroom.**

**I’m going to be late for my flight. Maya realized as she walked into the airport bathrooms, she looked at herself in the long mirror and gave her a self assured look, her hair, usually tied up in a messy bun was more loose in a not so cute way. She wore a blue jeans that hugged her figure nicely and her eyes glowed critically when she reached her white top, sighing she left the bathroom and began to walk more quickly than she would have liked to, be able to board her plane.**

**“Boarding passes please.” The usual high and slightly faked voice of the first attendant rang out at Maya’s face as she tightened her jaw muscles in annoyance. I’ve forgotten how much I hate plane journeys. Maya reached into her inside pocket of her jacket and gave the pass waiting, outstretched hand. The flight attendant studied it for a moment and looked up at Maya further down, “H2’ M’am on the left.”**

**Maya gave a small smile and tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, as she walked down the narrow aisle to her seat, hoping to get home soon.**

* * *

 

“ **Do you think there’s something wrong with me, Farkle.” Riley asked him out of nowhere catching him off guard.**

**Farkle sucked in a deep breath, and glanced over at the twenty five year old staring straight ahead, as they drove to the movies. There were times when Riley self doubted herself, merely because every date she went to didn’t go any further than a first date.**

**"I’m guessing your date from last night didn’t go well." He asked, knowing she would like to talk about it with her friend.**

**Riley bottom lip quivered as it began to pucker out, Farkle recognized the look all too well. She had been the one to originate it whenever she was about to cry “ The guy left the minute I gave it up.” She admitted looking down at her lap.**

**“Oh,” Farkle shivered. For some reason, it always bothered him when he heard about Riley’s flings. None of those guys deserved her, especially after they just use her.**

**“ Don’t look at me like that.” she continued self conscious about the decisions she made in life.**

**“Like what?” Farkle asked casually, waiting for her to dive into the kill.**

**“Like I am some type of whore.” Riley finally concluded**

**“Hey, I would never do that to you. I just think maybe it’s time you try to refocus on yourself instead of being blinded by love.”**

**Riley seemed to notice his tone, and turned towards him, checking to see if the hate in his voice was directed at her.**

**“Well, how do I do that?” Riley muttered, immediately hating how she couldn’t go on one day without a boy.**

**Farkle sighed loudly, “Riley that is something you have to figure out.”**

**“you’re right and I’m sorry for even bringing it up.” A sob rattled from her, and she crossed her arms across her chest in a pout as the tears began to pour from her eyes.**

**“Riley please don’t cry.” Farkle winced, uncomfortable, hating to see his best friend in tears, no matter the circumstances.**

**“I just feel like I will never find my own prince charming.” Riley admitted, defeated.**

**Farkle inhaled deeply. It was natural for Riley to have an emotional breakdown, especially since she tended to compare her love live with her parents.**

**“Hey, you will find him one day. Just stop looking for him and then he will come to you."**

**“Really?” Riley’s tone turned chipper, and she wiped away at the salty residue on her cheek with her left wrist.**

**Farkle nodded grimly, and reached for the dial on the radio, turning up the latest annoying pop hit, while Riley squealed in his ear and began to sing along.**

* * *

 

**“So what brings you to New York?” A lady that looked to be in her late forties asked Maya. She looked up, startled out of her thoughts.**

**The blonde jumped. After deciding she wanted to be alone, she had assumed her wish would automatically be granted, but apparently, she hadn’t paid her dues in the way of small talk. For a moment she appeared to be formulating an answer, and then she carefully replied, “Family ties.”**

**“oh! Are you from New York?” The woman appeared to take delight in this, smiling fully, her top lip revealing her gums.**

**“Yes. I lived there my whole childhood actually.”**

**“ So do I! I moved to Pasadena when I was in my twenties, and had my family there. But my eldest, recently took a job back in New York, and now that she’s settled in her new home, i’m flying out there with her little girl.” she patted the little girl next and smiled. “My name’s Marie, by the way.”**

**“Maya and what is your name?" She asked, looking at the little girl next to the middle aged woman.**

**“Riley.” the little girl replied. Her blonde hair was twisted into two braids, and she shyly played with one of them when she spoke.**

**“ That’s a beautiful name! You’re very pretty.” Maya replied, ignoring how she reminded her of her daughter and had Riley Matthews name.**

**“ Thank you.” The little girl giggled, and grabbed on to her grandmother’s sweater bashfully.**

**Maya smiled, but then sighed. The shade of blue of the little girl’s eyes flooded her mind with trouble, and she suddenly had no desire to interact with anyone. She leaned fully back in her seat, staring straight ahead, trying to meditate and relax her mind.**

* * *

 

**Farkle felt both of his palms sweating as he held Riley’s hand with his right one, and the popcorn in his left.**

**“You sure you don’t want to see that movie about the talking animal? He offered weakly**

**Riley only glared at him in response and he tried to push back his anxiety.**

**He didn’t think he could handle seeing an R rated movie with Riley or handle watching anything that started with fifty shades of grey.**

**“Come on the reviews rated it five stars." Riley was saying, as they walked down the corridor of theater, while Farkle kept his eyes peeled for their showing.**

**“This one.” Riley led him into the dark room, ignoring his protest.**

**During the preview Farkle felt as if he was on death row, waiting to finally be placed in the electric chair. When the film finally started, Farkle jolted, shocked at the opening scene.**

**“God, get a room already.” she reached blindly down for a piece of popcorn, and bounced in her seat while she munched.**

**"Yep." He muttered. He directed his eyes to the blurry movie background of the scene, trying to direct his focus anywhere but her.**

**It was an hour into the movie, when the moment came Farkle regret letting Riley persuade him to watch this film.He began to feel uneasy as he saw the main male character leading the girl, up to his apartment. Silently, he willed that coffee would be all that the camera would show. But he wasn’t lucky. He was fully ready to cover Riley’s eyes, when they entered the bedroom, but by mistake never saw it coming when, while still in the kitchen, the girl lifted her shirt up over her head. Riley gasped, and her hand flew across his eyes while Farkle hand flew across her already scarred eyes.**

**“Let’s go.” Riley whispered to Farkle**

**His eyes were still sheltered by her small hand, and he blindly asked, “What?”**

**"Let’s go," she said much louder this time, causing a couple of people near them to make shushing noises.**

**“But I thought you wanted to see this exotic movie.” Farkle argued.**

**“I didn’t think it would be about sex. Beside you should’ve warned me. You always tend to spoil the movie.”**

**“I thought you knew,” he replied as the people in the background started telling them to be quiet.**

**“Let’s just go.”Riley pulled on his forearm as he laughed at how she reacted over sex.**

**“I just don't get it. How are you scared of watching sex when you already participated in the sexaul activity?" He asked**

**“Shut up Farkle!” She said angrily staring at her friend who is still laughing at her.**


	5. Chapter 5

**When Lucas pulled the car into the driveway, he noticed a strange black truck that appeared to be old, parked in his driveway distracting him from listening to his daughter tantrum.**

 

**“I hate you! I hate you I hate you!” she kept repeating looking straight at Lucas frustrated at him for never listening to her.**

 

**“I’m sorry Sabrina, but you know the rules you have to finish your homework before we go to Topanga's” he informed her feeling guilty for having to be the bad parent.**

 

**“Whatever.” Sabrina began to unbuckle her seatbelt, eager to be as far away from Lucas as possible. When he suddenly took his eyes off his old car he noticed Sabrina was already bounding out of his car still mad at him.**

 

**“Shit. Maya.” Lucas whispered coming to a realization.**

 

**“ Sabrina wait!” Lucas called after her, but she slammed the door, and ran towards the front porch. “Fuck!” Lucas yelled loudly, before he too jumped out of the car, hurrying after his daughter. He cursed himself for never moving the spare key from under the welcome mat.**

 

**Sabrina ran straight through the front door without obstacles, as the door had already been unlocked by the house’s current inhabitant. Lucas hurried after her, and walked through the front door, hurrying towards the kitchen.**

 

**Sabrina had already reached her destination, and stood, frozen, staring at the blonde woman who sat at the kitchen counter with shock, too afraid to speak a word.**

  
**Lucas swallowed. He was too late, and now they all were face to face, before he could even prepare his daughter or himself. He looked at the blonde woman, who gave him a small smile from the table.Lucas’s nostrils flared, and he glanced down at the ground in both agitation and nervousness, before he spoke. “Hey, Maya.”**

* * *

 

_**“Lucas.”** _

_**He finally turned to look at her, standing in his dorm room, a solemn expression on her face, her blonde-tressed pulled up into a sloppy bun. In the back of his mind, he was still harping on the sweat that drenched his body, along with the stench and desperate cause for a shower it created. But as soon as he had walked in to find her waiting for him after baseball practice, he instantly knew a shower was the least of his worries. She hadn’t greeted him with a chipper smile and a prolonged kiss,but instead had said in a stony voice. “I really need to talk to you.” Looking at her now, he was suddenly stricken at how young and like a child she looked, her wide-set eyes glassy, and her lips almost pouting.** _

_**“What is it babe?” He tried to play casual, but both of them sensed the heaviness that hung in the air.He wondered what shattering news she was about to break on him. She was leaving him?** _

_**She had cheated on him? Or, she was…** _

 

_**“I'm pregnant.”** _

 

_**She went immediately for the kill, and Lucas visibly faltered back, recovering from the unexpected delivered blow. His head reeled in shock, trying to regain a sense of the solid world around him, gaping at her as he did so, million what if’s rushing into his mind.** _

 

_**She watched his every expression intently, and her composed, expressionless face crumbled in a matter of seconds, her eyes welling with tears. “I’m really sorry!” She sobbed, and then she fell back, her fall caught by his navy colored futon, which she then sank into her hysterics.** _

 

_**He looked down at her, covering her face in her hand to hide a mascara-stained face while she shook and trembled, and immediately his senses came flooding back to him. He quickly was beside her on the sofa, his arm wrapped around her, using one hand to comfortingly rub her back, while he kissed her sticky cheeks over and over again.** _

 

_**“Ssh. It’s okay, everything’s going to be fine.” He whispered gently, “Ssh. Don’t cry, baby.”** _

 

_**“I’ve ruined our lives!” She cried, her head rocking in towards his body, coming to rest when it cradled between his chin and his chest.** _

 

_**He kissed her hair, “Ssh. No, you didn’t. Everything happens for a reason.”** _

 

_**A couple years before, when she was nothing more than a friend, she had comforted him over his and Riley’s breakup with the exact same words. At the time, they did little for him to ease the guilt, but he looked back on the moment fondly now, reminded that without the breakup, he never would have ended up with the person he loved more than anything in the world.** _

  
_**As he held her in his arm, and thought of what a treasure she had been to him, he could only hope that this situation would yield the same results, and the hold back of his dream of being a police officer would be worth it.** _

* * *

**Sabrina was silent, looking too frightened to even move. She gazed up at the woman whom she heard stories about and had dreamt of meeting some day, and after finally getting her dream to come true she couldn’t utter a single word.**

****

**“Hey, Huckleberry.” The blonde replied to his greeting with her original nickname given to him back in the day, she smiled timidly at him while she stood up from the counter top stool.**

****

**“Hi baby.” She knelt down and ran a hand across Sabrina cheek, gazing at her for a moment with a strange look on her face, her expression hard to read even for Lucas, who had at one point been able to pinpoint her exact emotions simply by the way she turned her mouth or raised her brow.**

****

**Sabrina flinched at the touch of the blonde’s fingernails grazing at her skin, and she turned her eyes at Lucas with fear. Guilt bombarded him like an avalanche. He should have been preparing for this. Zay had warned him she would be returning. He realized now he should have sent Sabrina to her grandparents, or maybe to the Matthews, so that she wouldn’t immediately be thrust into dramas beyond her anyhow. But instead, he had ignored the problem, a flaw he knew was all too typical for him.**

****

**The blonde stood back up to her full height and approached Lucas, leaning forward in an attempt to hug him. He stiffened and refused to wrap his arm around her in return, trying his best not to breathe in her scent while she stood close, and to ignore the feeling of her body pressed against his, and the way her hair tickled his neck. She still wore the same perfume. Vanilla scented it was a classic Maya scent, and the one thing about her he still recognized.**

****

**Registering his rejection of her embrace she took a step back, a hurt look briefly etched on her face, but one that was quickly erased as she forcefully smiled again.**

****

**“Sabrina.” Lucas addressed his daughter, who still stood like a lifeless doll on the floor, her head tilted up while she stared at the blonde in wonderment. “Go upstairs and play in your room for a little bit, okay?” Lucas used his eyes to plead with his daughter not to put up a fight.**

****

**He saw her lips just begin to quiver with objection, but she seemed so shaken, that she stilled and responded with nothing more than a silent nod before turning away and leaving the room, never having spoken. Lucas listened to her light footsteps patter down the hall, and then slowly take the stairs. “You have a lot of nerve showing up here.” Lucas spoke as soon as he heard Sabrina’s foot hit the top of the stairs.**

****

**“Lucas, please don’t be upset with me. I missed you both, plus I regret ever leaving you both. Please, I miss you.” She pleaded**

****

**Lucas clenched his jaw “ Do you? Oh well, I’m glad to hear that. Now that I think about it, I’m not upset with you.” Lucas’s voice dripped with bitter sarcasm, but he kept his voice low and even, not wanting to raise his voice with his daughter upstairs, “You left for five years leaving Sabrina alone for the majority of her life while we looked after her, but as long as you regret your choice that’s all that matters.**

****

**Lucas took a step into the counter lined section of the kitchen, looking down underneath one, inside a white cabinet, and withdrawing a clear liquid bottle. “ I’m going to need this if i’m going to have to deal with you, for the next… Lucas trailed off and eyed her, in a way that let her know the conversation to come was not going to be any more pleasant than it was already proving, “How long is the visit going to last before you decide to run away from your problems. Do you think it’ll last an hour or you’ll manage to stay for dinner so we can all catch-up? Since you missed us so much.”**

****

**“Lucas.” She muttered hoarsely, “I know you’re angry with me. You have every right to be. But I’m not leaving not this time.”**

****

**“Yea, that is the same thing Zay said to me. Forgive me if I'm not so quick to jump in joy about your arrival.” Lucas snapped.**

****

**He grabbed a glass from the cabinet above him, and unscrewed the liquor bottle, pouring a dose into the cup. He tilted his head back while he quickly swallowed the acidic liquid, wincing from its strength.**

****

**“I came back for a second chance.” She murmured, ignoring him as he dramatically downed another shot.**

****

**“Second chance denied. If you’d be on your way now, I have to make ravioli, and try to figure out how to sneak some vegetables into the diet of a kid who throws a fit at the sight of any green food.” Lucas rattled. He glared at her heatedly and unyielding, but inside he was shaking. To not see her in the flesh for so long, and then to suddenly have her standing in front of him was extremely unsettling. Immediately all emotional wound were reopened, and he knew even is she walked out of the door immediately without another word, he was still going to need a year to reheal again.**

****

**“Please Lucas.” She kept her own voice quiet, following in the tone he had spoken, “ I want to talk to Riley, Farkle and you. I want a chance to ask for your forgiveness.”**

****

**“Forgiveness? Lucas loudly slammed his glass on the counter, “You want to ask for our forgiveness?”**

****

**She nodded weakly, “Please, if you’ll just give me a chance to talk to you and them, I will try to give you some sort of explanation, and apologize. I know I don’t deserve it, but I swear, I have a good reason for leaving you.”**

****

**Lucas scoffed, “You don’t understand. If it had just been me when you ran off, and you came back for my forgiveness, even after all this time I'd still be stupid enough to at least try to forgive you. But you had a daughter who you never saw, or even tried to contact with at all, and you permanently robbed her of the most important part of a little girl’s childhood. And no matter what you do or say you can’t take back the fact that you did the same thing your father did to you as a little girl. Maya, you don’t deserve a second chance not when you made that little girl feel what you felt when your dad decided to leave.”**

****

**The last statement he made hit a nerve for Maya but no matter what he said she promise she wouldn’t react so instead she bowed her head looking straight at the ground while she chewed on her lip. “Your right.”**

****

**“I am?” Lucas’s questioned was disingenuous, used to mock her. He rinsed his glass down the sink, knowing he shouldn’t let her get to him anymore when he overcame his drinking problem. He turned to look at Maya with a mean glint still visible in his eyes, “ I never thought I would hear you say that to me.”**

****

**“ I know you think I have no feeling for no one in my life, and that I never cared for you nor Sabrina, but I do I love you guys so much that I never stop thinking about both of you.” She raised her eyes up from the floor, though not fully, peaking at Lucas through her blue colored eyes. “I had sort of a turning point, five years ago when I found some document I was never suppose to see and I know I didn’t handle the situation well, but back then I was angry at everyone in my life and I felt lost. Finally, last week when I went seeking for some answers I found out I never needed to go seeking for love when I already encountered it with you. So I packed my bags and decided to stop running from my life and come back home to you.”**

****

**Lucas trembled, “ What kind of papers did you find and why did you believe I never loved you. I thought I made it clear when I broke up with Riley for you. Did you leave me because you thought I was unhappy or were you unhappy.”**

****

**“Neither I loved you Lucas, what I was going through had nothing to do with you I just made you think you were a part of my problem when I decided to close you off and that is something I dearly regret that is why I am here trying to fix the damage I’ve done.”**

****

**“You can’t just show up here and shake our world. If you do that then Sabrina will… She’s going to realize that…” He stumbled, and then stopped, a hand pressed on the side of his head to relieve the forming pressure, while he eyed Maya. “ I need to show you something.” He led her to the living room, and opened up a storage closet.**

****

**“What?” She peered in at the boxes and the bins.**

****

**“These. Lucas back out with a handful of ripped envelopes, only a few of the many that filled the boxes. “They’re letter. Some of them are written from Sabrina to you, and others are written from you to Sabrina.**

****

**“But I never…” She started**

****

**“Exactly this is how I tried to fix your problem.” Lucas rubbed his temple, “This is the only contact Sabrina had with you throughout her life, and it’s all a lie. She thinks she loves you, but she dosen’t know you. Sabrina mother is just a fictional character I created by retelling stories about the old Maya I knew, then there’s you the new Maya.”**

**Maya’s eyes glinted with swelling tears, “ I’m still the old Maya nothing has changed.”**

****

**“No.” He shook his head, eyeing her coldly “You’re a cold-hearted bitch who doesn’t even have the ability to love no one not even her daughter.”**

****

**“Oh, Lucas.” She whispered, as the tears streamed freely down her face now, showing the true emotion she been trying to hide.**

****

**Lucas refused to look at her face, and walked away from her, shifting uncomfortably as he stood, waiting for her to recompose herself. Finally, he could feel her standing behind him again, and he turned to face her.,**

****

**She sniffled, “If there can’t be any reconciliation between you and I, can’t I at least talk to Riley, Farkle, and Sabrina.**

****

**Lucas felt a sharp pang strike his chest from the inside. He hadn’t planned on granting her forgiveness, but he was still disappointed that she had given up so quickly.**

****

**“Why to explain why you left us or to give them hope that will be quickly destroyed once you leave again.” His nostril flared and he felt even more long since suppresses raw emotion began to surface.**

****

**“No!” Maya reached out and touched Lucas’s forearm. He started, and flung his arm behind him, out of her reach, scowling at her with scorn.**

****

**“Sorry” She muttered, drawing her hand back slowly, calculating before she spoke, “I didn't come to visit, though. I came back.”**

****

**Lucas’s heart pounded against his chest. It was too late for her to come back, but to actually hear the words, phrased the way he had once spent years imagine her saying them, was almost too much. “Lucas, I spent years running from my mistake while it snowballed after me. It was larger every time I stopped to look at it, and I was just too selfish and afraid to do anything about it. But I’ve finally realized that continuing to run from what I’ve done is not going to make me any happier, and it won’t make it go away. I know it took way too long for me to finally own up to what I’ve done, and I know I have to live with it for the rest of my life.” She inhaled deeply, finally reaching her defensive argument. “ But continuing to stay out of Sabrina’s life isn’t going to make things any better. She’s going to get older Lucas, and when she does she’s going to realize my absence.**

****

**“ You goddamn bimbo.”**

****

**Maya jumped at the brutality of his words, and took in a sharp breath scared to unleash the Texas Lucas who keeps on appearing every time she speaks.**

****

**“ She realized your absence now.” He looked at her like she was the most despicable creature on earth, and when he opened his mouth to speak to her, he shook with rage, “ She hasn’t stayed the same since you left. She gained the ability to walk and talk. Oh, she’s potty trained too. I don’t know if you knew about that one. That was fun to do alone. She knows how to read, And she’s fully aware that all the other girls at school have both a mother and a father. She remembers the last time you were with her, and she has all the silly painting you drew back in high school about us. She even writes songs and sings about you. I always take her to Topanga where she goes up on stage and performs for people telling them this is dedicated to her mother. Even when I try to avoid topics about you, she always finds ways to discover new things about you. No matter how much we try to forget you, she always find ways of reminding us of you by simply retelling stories about you. I don’t know how she memorizes all these stories but she does and she wishes one day to create her stories with you. And why don't you take a look at the letters she wrote you while you are here. She knows you’re not around, and she always wants to know why! It’s getting more and more difficult to lie to her, and I don’t want to have to deal with the pain it’s going to cause when she finally comes to the realization of what you did. But I would still rather go through all that than have you be around her! I said Sabrina’s mother was fictional because that’s exactly what I made of you. The love that’s written in the letter come from me, and otherwise, that person is completely made up. I don’t want her to get to know you. You’re a bitch who doesn't care for anybody but herself. I don’t want you to jerk Sabrina’s entire world by showing up here, horribly influence her, and then leave again in a day when you realize once again you can’t handle the responsibility, hurting Sabrina even more than you already have.”**

****

**Lucas’s face had grown red with the rising of his voice, and from outside you could hear the opening of a door.**

****

**“ Farkle, Lucas is inside.” Maya break her eye gaze from Lucas and then turns it to the front door watching her childhood best friend wrap his arm around her other best friend whispering something Riley considered funny in her ear. She doesn’t speak a word as she see’s the people she considered family laughed at the inside joke they just shared.**

****

**Lucas also locks his focus on his best friend as he see’s them interacting differently with each other. Farkle had his arm around Riley's waist as she leans closer against his best friend chest. He now wonders if Riley finally admitted how she felt about the boy genius. “ Had a fun night.” He spoke up breaking the couple from their own little world happy that they arrived before the conversation got heated.**

****

**Finally taking her eyes off Farkle, Riley turns around and pulls away fast once she spots Maya standing near Lucas looking at them with wide eyes. “ Maya. What are you doing here?” She asked ignoring Lucas previous question.**

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is the story so far?  
> Should I continue and how do you feel about the conversation Lucas just had with Maya? Do you feel sorry for her or for Lucas?  
> What do you think happened with Riley and Farkle during their outing?


	6. Chapter 6

**“What is this? what are we doing?” Riley asked as Farkle lead them to the museum he works at and started to open a theatre room without answering his friend. “ Hey, are we even allowed in here?” She asked wondering if they were about to commit a felony that might cost Farkle his job.**

**Ignoring all of her questions Farkle continued to drag Riley into the private theatre and began to pull out snacks from the bag Riley brought with her. After he settled a blanket down on the floor, he turned around to his best friend and ordered her to sit. “ What... But why… Farkle are you finally going to tell me why you dragged me here late at night.”**

**“ Riley, just sit down I promise this will be worth it.”**

**After hesitating for a while she finally listens to him and sat down on the floor as he went over to the control system and turn on a projector that reflected the galaxy on a white wall around them. “ Oh my god.” Riley gasps out loud, amazed and surprised “ Farkle this is amazing.” She said in awe loving how he always tried to make her smile when she was sad. “ But you didn’t have to do this for me.”**

  
**“ I know I didn’t, but I just couldn’t last another day seeing you sad and since the movie theatre thing didn’t work out. I thought we could come here and gaze out into the galaxy.” He grabs a remote from off the desk and zooms over to a small planet.  Once the planet appears on screen Riley smiles grows wider “it’s Pluto!” She said, excitedly. “ Oh my god Farkle, thank you- thank you** **so-so-so- much,” she said** , **choking on her words.Not knowing what other things to say to him so, she turned her body over so she could be facing her best friend then jumped on him causing both of them to fall back onto the blanket. “ Sorry, I guess Maya was right, I am such a klutz.” she laughed sadly and Farkle felt his heart tug against his rib cage at the mention of Maya.**

 **Farkle frowned. Why did she have to bring up Maya after he works so hard to bring back that smile. Now he knew his plan was ruined as he sees her lip began to quiver and started making the noise he dreaded to hear. He never understood what caused Maya to leave, but, he swore if he could invent** **the time machine and go back in time to prevent his friends from falling apart, he would do it in less than a second just to see the tall brunette smile again.“ Hey,” he said softly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. “ Did you know Pluto is only half as wide as the United States and it’s smaller than the** **earth-moon.”**

**She laughed. He missed her laugh.**

**“ Is that your way of comforting me?” she asked, tilting her head slightly up so she could look at him in the eyes.**

**“Yes, I just hate seeing you cry.” He admitted removing his hands from hers and placing it on her cheek. It was a soft gesture and her stomach exploded with butterflies. He then moved his thumb an inch or so to push away her chocolate brown hair out of her face. Their face was so close, Riley felt her cheek flush with color, just by examining her face, Farkle could tell. Another second they still remained looking at each other waiting for someone to take the last step. They both could hear their heartbeat, pounding against their chest wildly as they looked at one another.**

**“Farkle.”**

**“Yeah?”**

**“Are you going to kiss me?”**

**It took a moment for him to respond. Riley always made it clear nothing platonic could happen and now here she is waiting for him to make a move. He wondered if this moment was just another wish or was it a reality. Maybe he should pinch himself just to be sure or maybe he should just take his chances. Why not what could go wrong? He wondered as he finally placed his lips on hers and closed the last gap they had.**

**Once their lips made contact Riley felt every problem, she ever encounters fade away from her. She could only process his lips on her and her lips on his. This time he wasn’t sloppy or didn’t miss also she didn’t want to puke in the process. The kiss was better than the last it actually made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. Funny how Farkle could make her feel these new feelings. She always thought Lucas was the only one who could make her feel this special, but now as she kisses Farkle she now understood the feeling she felt with Lucas was nothing compared to the feelings she is now feeling with Farkle. She moved her head to the side to deepen the kiss and Farkle breathed in sharply, still shock over the fact that Riley was here with him. His mind ran a million miles a minute. The only thing consisted** **on his mind was** **he finally got her: he finally won over Riley after all these years. He hopes this isn’t a one-time thing, he likes how he simply could taste her Kiwi lipstick.**

**She pushed him down on the blanket and climb on top of him, their lips not detaching for a single moment. It felt weird having her look at him with such determination, but right now he didn’t care because he also was in a trance. Riley’s lips began to tail down his neck and started sucking on his light skin, leaving him breathless.**

**Deep in the trance, Farkle pulled himself up and flip them over now being the one on top while Riley was under him.  Letting herself go willingly, she closed her eyes, losing herself to the kisses trailing up and down her body. As one of his hand shifted closer up her dress, Riley unknowingly lets out a small giggle interrupting the moment.**

**“What’s wrong did I do something wrong?” Farkle asked, shoving himself off of her quickly as possible as she continued to laugh at him. “ Hey, what’s so funny.”**

**“Sorry.” She apologizes as she tried to stop laughing. “ It's just I never thought I’d end up with you in this position.”**

  
**“ Oh, well, maybe we should stop.” He said quickly, getting up off the blanket, embarrassed at the fact that she already started to regret this moment.**

**“Farkle, wait!” Riley jumps up and ran towards Farkle, grabbing him by his arm and turning him back around so they could face each other. “ Can we stay a little bit longer?”**

**His face was still confused. First, she laughed at him then wanted to stay here with him. He felt a pang go through his stomach when he realizes maybe she just wanted to continue this date as friends.**

**“ Yea, sure.” He sighed in defeat, trying to hide back the look of disappointment.**

**“ Good.” She leaned back over him, capturing his lips in a slow, intoxicating kiss, Her fingers carded through his hair, pulling him down to her level.**

  
**“ Riley, what I thought you didn’t want this.” he pulled himself back pointing his finger at her than him. Furrowing her brow in confusion, she steps closer, grabbing him by the shirt.**

**“ What made you think I didn’t want you?” she asked, wandering her hand down his side towards his jean unclasping his button.**

**“ You giggled.”**

**“ Sorry, the laugh was more of a reflex I was just thinking about how I spent half my life looking for my prince when I really didn’t have to look because he was right in front of me. I’m sorry you had to wait.” She paused for a moment, pursing her lip. He could tell by the way her eyebrows scrunched and how they creased that she was genuinely worried about his response. She looked tense and anxious. What if Farkle regretted kissing her or what if he realized he didn’t love her like how she started loving him.**

**He ran his hand across her cheek and tilted her head so she’d look back up at him. He wanted to kiss her again, but first, he knew he had to reassure her about his feelings before she jumps to another conclusion. “ Riley, it’s okay, you were worth the wait and I don’t just mean tonight. His words were stolen with a strangled moan when she suddenly connected her lip with his again and slipped her tongue inside his mouth.**

**“ Do you wish to continue?” she asked, pulling at his shirt eagerly. Nodding in agreement, he began to work on her shirt when the door to the front squeaked open loudly and the security guard entered, pointing his flashlight at both of them. “ Mr. Minkus what are you doing here at eight o clock at night?” he asked, letting the light linger a second longer on Riley then back at his boss.**

**“ Sorry I didn’t mean to disrupt I just was working late and forgot about the time.” Farkle swallowed sharply hoping he would buy that excuse.**

**“ But I thought today was your day off Mr. Minkus?”**

**“ you’re right and maybe I should go off and spend it with my dear friend Riley.” He grabs her hand and starts tugging on her hand trying to get out of the museum.**

**“ Mr. Minkus, you forgot your blanket.” the security said following behind as he holds everything they left behind. Farkle stopped walking and turned around with an awkward smile. “ Yea, thanks and can you please not mention this to my father?” he asked too quickly, clearly uncomfortable with the thought of having his private life revealed at his workspace.**

**“ Yea, sure hope you have a nice day Mr. Minkus.” The awkward air suddenly deflated between the three and Farkle could finally breathe again. Although Riley wasn’t helping as she giggles yet again.**

**“ Hey, won’t you stop it.”**

**“ I’m sorry I just feel like a little kid finally getting caught with a boy in my room.**

**“ Yeah, I also find it hilarious.” He mumbled under his breath as they walk out the building.**

* * *

**" Do you want to talk about what just happened?" Riley asked him, while he parked the minivan into the parking garage. Their clothes were out of place and Farkle lips were stained red with lip gloss all over his lips. They were set on getting home before lunch, but as Riley made them pull over and take a minute for themselves, they then realize they were running fifteen minutes late and Lucas would begin to worry considering no one called him. Hopefully, he didn't notice their lack of clothing or their hair being out of place.**

**" I don't know do you want to talk about it?" He responded quickly, his hand massaging the hickey right on his neck. The hickey was bright red and it was noticeable even if he tried to pull up his turtleneck higher.**

**"Yeah, I think we should. where do we stand by now? Do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?" She asked absent-mindedly, looking down at the floor and playing with her lock of hair that seemed out of place. Her hair was all over the place, courtesy of the short make-out session they shared in the car. "Well, do you?" She asked, again turning to look at him.**

**They sat in silence for a moment before Farkle spoke again. " Riley do you want to be my girlfriend?"**  
 **This time, Riley leaps** off **her seat and broke any gap left him out of surprise, grabbed a hold of her before she could hurt herself or him. "Yes," she responded softly before her lips touched his again.**

 **" Wait, we should probably get inside before Lucas starts looking for us** , **" Farkle said interrupting their moment.**

**" Your right, I think I have gotten messages from Sabrina telling me to hurry back home."**

**" Do you think something happened to her or what if something happened to Lucas?**

**" I think they could handle themselves, plus last time we got an urgent text from her, she just asks about her mother for a whole hour." She grumbled, her hands white as they clenched around his hands. "Sorry I didn't mean to ruin the moment."**

**Farkle's mind itched for some kind of actual talk with Riley about the conversation he had a day earlier with Maya. But he knew he shouldn't bring it up, especially when they barely got together and Riley still seemed mad about the subject. " Hey, how about we go see what Sabrina needed." Once they got out of the car Farkle grabbed Riley from behind and started trailing kisses down her neck as she giggles. As they reached the front door Riley gently nudges him trying to pry him off as she opens the door. " Farkle, Lucas is inside." She whispers as she leans back against his chest.**

**" It's okay, I doubt him finding out is better than how the security found out," Farkle mumbled into her ear causing Riley to giggle.**

**'Had a fun night." Their Texas friend asks them pulling both of them out of their trance and when Riley takes her gaze off Farkle and turns her head around to respond to Lucas her answer was then replaced with a confused question. "Maya, What are you doing here?"**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a preview of Riley and Farkle date before they went home.


	7. Chapter 7

**A look of shock registered on Riley face like she had encountered a ghost, she broke apart from Farkle and steps forward, her arm hung limply at her side as if her entire body went into shock. No one in the room dared to talk as they watch Riley approach Maya with an unreadable expression.  “You left,” she said, breaking the massive silence in the room, her voice somewhere between a whisper and a breath, carrying a stomach twisting vomit inducing amount of hurt, sorrow, hatred and confusion.  “And after five years you decide to come back, do you really think we will welcome you with open arms. Well, do you!” A look of anger was obvious in her face and before anyone could react Riley took a cheap shot at Maya and slapped her across the face.**

**“Riley!” Farkle runs up behind Riley and grabs Riley from behind stopping her from attacking Maya “This isn’t you,” He looks back at Maya and whispers an apology as Riley breaks down in his arms.**

**Maya dropped her gaze and considered taking a step towards Riley to comfort her. But once she took a step Lucas decided it was time to intervene and stop her from getting any closer. “Maya, I think you should go.” he quickly says, looking at her with the same anger she seen in Riley’s eyes.**

 

**“No, I am not leaving,” she started, struggling to talk through lumps that had grown in her throat. “ I’m not leaving Sabrina not again.” She turns her body away from him and was beginning to climb up the stair when someone grabbed her hand from behind.**

 

**“You have some nerve, peaches, thinking you could just come back into her life after you left her! How dare you walk out on her!" Her voice was stronger now.**

 

**“ I needed time to find myself. Okay,” she responded, her tone was full of sadness and regret. “ at the time I wasn’t thinking straight but I needed to find some answers.” Maya did not break eye contact as she stared back at Riley.**

 

**“Maya, it’s one thing to run away when you are in high school, but not when you’re an adult responsible for a little girl. She yelled “ Farkle, Lucas and I were worried sick over five years. I can’t even tell you how many times we spent looking for you, calling your phone, sending you text and emails. There was a period of time when I thought you were dead, lying in a gutter somewhere! We were this close to calling the cops and reporting you missing!” Riley was gesturing wildly, her face now an angry shade of red; she watched the vein bulging on Riley forehead as she spoke “ If it wasn’t for your mom, there would have been a countrywide hunt for you.”**

**And there was the mention of her mom the women that made Maya question everything in her life. Maya felt her blood begin to simmer, but took a deep breath to keep herself calm. “How could you just abandon your family? After you left everything went down hill Lucas couldn’t cope with your disappearance and started drinking. Every night he would go to a bar while Sabrina waited for both her parents to come home. While you travelled around I came back to take care of your daughter and try to help Lucas get through his battle of addiction. She then turns her head around and spots a bottle “It took him two years of sobriety and in one day you came and just ruined it.”**

 

**“Lucas, I didn’t know.”**

 

**“Of, course you didn’t know just like how you didn’t know Lucas finally stop drinking when his daughter sat by his hospital bed and asked him to never leave her again.” Suddenly Riley’s hand was gripping her arms pulling her away from the stairs, her short fingernails digging painfully into Maya skin. Those brown eyes that use to hold so much warmth and sweetness were wide and angry. For the first time in her life she regretted coming home. “ After Farkle found out about the car accident he left Princeton and came back home. We then moved in and help him start a life without you. So why do you have to come back and ruin our life?”**

 

**“ Riley, i’m sure Maya has a valuable explanation.” Farkle spoke up hating how this was getting out of hand. After Maya called him, he hope he could control this unexpected visit and get everyone to reunite, but clearly everything is not going as planned.**

 

**“ Farkle stop trying to justify her action. You should be angry she was the reason you didn’t finish Princeton.”**

 

**“ Riley that is enough, I left Princeton because I wanted to be here with my goddaughter and best friend and if Maya came back because she wants to fix her wrong, then we should listen to her side before judging her.” His tone rose up this time, his eyes wandered around the room looking at Lucas and Riley searching for any disapproval. After a moment of silence he turned to Maya.**

**It took her a moment to process the words that had come out of his mouth. She never thought Farkle would take her side considering they all knew out of the two girls Riley would always be his number one choice. He has proven it before when he confessed Riley feeling out on the rooftop in New Year thinking that will help Riley find her happiness. But now here he was ignoring Riley’s belief and finally siding with Maya. Maybe he was telling the truth when he stated he loved them both equally.**

 

**“Thank you, Farkle. This really means a lot.”**

 

**“I can’t believe you’re taking her side” Riley spat, feeling her strength and sass returning in full force. “ She left doesn’t that mean anything to you.”**

 

**“ Yes, but unlike you I believe in second chances. I believe a little girl should have a chance to meet her mother and spend the quality time she wish to have and I don’t know if i’m making the right call, but I believe in Maya and I believe she might have a valuable explanation on why she left so Maya, do you want to tell us what happened to you?”**

 

**Maya’s mouth twisted and she felt tears of frustration press at the back of her eyes because she didn’t know how to tell them. How does she explain leaving her family behind. This was an awful idea and she just hope they found some way to forgive her.**

 

**Maya tears were welling outwardly in her eyes now, and she felt heat rush to her face. “Maya, it’s okay, you could tell us anything.” Farkle had put his around her shoulder encouraging Maya to go on.**

 

**“ About five years ago, I found out that my dad isn’t actually my dad and that my mom along with Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews and Shawn had lied to me about it.” She watches as the color drained from their face and their expression dropped from their face. “ Did you guys know about this, did you know Kermit wasn’t my father.” Farkle loosens the grip around her shoulder so she took the opportunity to push him away from her. “ You guys knew all along!” Their averted gaze confirm her theory. “ How could you keep this from me!”**

 

**“ No Maya we didn’t know about your father, but we overheard your mother speaking at Topanga’s with Kermit and we kind of figured when he screamed he didn’t owe much to you not after he found out about you.”**

 

**“ How long did you suspect?” She waited a bit for them to say something or do something other than staring at the floor. She didn’t know what she wanted them to do or say exactly, but anything that would help her understand why they didn’t mention this conversation to her.**

 

**“ Back in middle school during the forgiveness project.”  Lucas looked up and met her eyes; she could feel the silent, almost clairvoyant foray into each other’s mind beginning to happen. “ But, Maya how did you find out. I thought you were done with Kermit.”  He was trying to carefully form the perfect sentence to not set her off and leave them again.**

 

**There was his name again and Maya couldn’t hear anything else. Didn’t he see that after Sabrina was born, she realized maybe it was time to give her father a second chance to be a part of her life and her daughter’s life. Yeah, she has live alright without him, but for once she wanted answers to why he felt he didn’t belong to them and if she would somehow end up like him. Then, without even realizing it, she ended doing the same thing he did to her. She could feel the tears burning behind the back of her eyes. She had enough. She was not going to cry over Kermit again. She didn’t want to do this anymore. Their days of keeping secrets from each other was going to end today. “ After Sabrina was born, I wrote to him. Then two day later I got a response that changed my life forever.”**

* * *

 

**_Maya gets the letter on a sunny Monday evening. The spring flowers are starting to bloom, and it leaves a perfectly pleasant aroma in the air. The letter written on thick, expensive stationary and the writing is her father’s perfect penmanship. She gingerly tears the letter open, fingers deft and shaking. She hasn’t heard from him since the forgiveness project and that was years ago. The letter falls into her hand, along with a thin silver chain attached to an antique key. The tag attached to the key tells her he barely purchase it and she wonders why he even bothered to buy her one when her mother got her a lovely chain years ago when he wasn’t present. Maya reads the letter, her eyes growing wide at each word, and they jump out at her, your mother cheated on me, and not your biological father, California man, and regret not loving her as his daughter. They all jump out at her, bold and cutting._ **

**_Maya slide to the floor the more she reads, the more she sinks lower, until she’s resting her chin on her knees, and her arm is wrapped around her head gripping her hair. She’s pulling and tugging, trying to make sense of it all, head pounding and chest numb from all the emotion she can’t identify. Maya isn’t sure how she made it from her house to Topanga’s, an entire five blocks away, or when she flung the door open and started screaming at her mom. The letter sent to her was the first thing to be thrown on the counter, followed by the locket given to her for her birthday. “ Maya, what’s going on?” Maya grabs the letter again and slams it against her mother’s chest. “ You lied to me!”_ **

 

**_Katy throws the letter down and crosses, the room pulling Maya in her arms. “ Breath.” The command comes stern and with an air of “ I didn’t for your own good.” When Maya stops and starts to take deep, sharp, breaths, she notices the tears that have been falling in rivers down her face. “ Calm down, shh.” Maya falls into, who she thought was, her loyal mother’s chest and clutches the fabric of her white shirt, and leans into the slight rocking motion that she’s repeating. “ I’ve got you, mommy’s got you.” That then started a fresh wave of violent sobs._ **

 

**_Katy finally looked into Maya eyes and said. “ Maya, it’s not what you think. I didn’t keep this from you intentionally, okay? I was-- I’ve been waiting for the right time.”_ **

 

**_“ When would that have been?” she asked, fighting to keep her voice from rising. “ Because I’m twenty years old with a daughter. Don’t you think I was mature enough to handle something like this? What did you not think I’d understand you, or were you afraid I would resent you for keeping this from me? Well answer me.”_ **

 

**_Katy closed her eyes. “ I thought you didn’t need to know about him not when you have Shawn as your father.” She tugged Maya close embracing her daughter, squeezing her gently._ **

 

**_Maya shook herself free and returned her hard gaze to Katy. “ I still had a right to know. All my life I thought he didn’t love me because I did something wrong and at the end, I wasn’t the problem it was you.”_ **

**_"Maya"_ **

 

**_“ Please just stop for a second. Hear me out,” Katy said. “ I understand that you’re angry and hurt right now, and I’m sorry. But you have to believe that we thought what we were doing was right, for you.” As soon as the words had flown from her mouth, Katy blanched, which made Maya freeze and ask suddenly careful tone, “ What do you mean by we, who else knew about your little secret?”_ **

 

**_“ It doesn’t matter,” Katy shrugged, looking over at Topanga, Cory and Shawn, who sat near by staring at them._ **

 

**_Maya followed her gaze and the people she considered family and started walking toward them with anger in her eyes. “ Did you guys know Kermit wasn’t my father? She spat, turning her glistening eyes at them. Katy arm reached out from behind, but Maya pulled her arm away before it made contact with her._ **

**_“ What, no we had no idea.” Topanga started, but then dropped her gaze when she felt Maya eyes burning holes. “ Okay, we knew, but Maya that man wasn’t a part of your life you don’t need him in your life. She shook her head at Topanga’s response._ **

 

**_“ You have no say in what I need.”_ **

 

**_“ Maya why don’t you sit down and let us explain why we kept this a secret.” Maya turned her gaze to Shawn when he finally spoke. The guy who swore he would never hurt her was now a part of the reason why she was crying in front of strangers and her closest relatives. “ The man just used your mother didn’t care about her feeling he isn’t someone you would want to meet.”_ **

 

**_“ Who is he? What is my father’s name?_ **

 

**_“ No Maya I am not giving you his name.”_ **

 

**_“ Mr. Matthews,” She turned her gaze to the guy she admired most in her life he look up from the ground and stared at the girl he had loved as a second daughter. “ You once told me forgiveness is one of our finest qualities as human beings so why can’t I get a chance to forgive the person who didn’t know about me.”_ **

 

**_“ You’re right, I did say we need to find ways to forgive the people you love so Maya I ask you do you forgive us?”_ **

 

**_"Are you going to tell me the name of my father?”_ **

 

**_“ I’m sorry, but this is not my secret to tell.”He turns his head to Katy and nods his head at her encouraging her to at least give Maya some closure but she then responded with a shake._ **

 

**_She hesitated, then shook her head at him. “ I’m sorry, but I can’t.”_ **

 

**_She was silent for a few moments, and then she nodded. “ I’m going to take a walk.”_ **

 

**_“ Want some company?” Cory Matthews asked softly. Maya shook her head, but he followed her anyways, glancing back over his shoulder at his friends as they left Topanga’s. Maya was staring at the floor intently, her hand closed into a fist so tight that her knuckles were white. Mr. Matthews resisted the urge to hug her, she looked so lost, so vulnerable and it was because of them. He wanted to go back and yell at them for hiding that man’s name but he knew that had to wait because right now Maya needed him more, whether or not she knew it. He followed her out to the park and sat next to her waiting for a response._ **

 

**_She finally turned to face him when she was looking at the wall, she painted back when she felt lost. “ Back when I painted this I hope about living in a better world and when I thought I finally found everything I was looking for then I get thrown into another loop. How could you keep this from me?”_ **

**_“ Like I said, this wasn’t my secret to tell.” He said. “ But Maya don’t re- question your life. Back in college that is exactly what Shawn did and at the end he ended up realizing he never had to find his family because he already had one with us.”_ **

 

**_“ What did Shawn also experience what I am going through,” she said in a flat voice when Mr. Matthew brought Shawn up._ **

 

**_“ Believe it or not he also found out the mom who abandoned him wasn’t even his mother, but a stripper his dad picked up.”_ **

 

**_By the time Mr. Matthew finished, she now understood why Shawn kept this from her. He thought keeping this from her would stop Maya from feeling whatever he has felt back in college, but now the cat was out of the bag and here she was hating him for siding with her mom. “ Should have known did he ever find his mom.”_ **

 

**_“I don’t know I left him when I realized the trip wasn’t for me because I already had what he was seeking for so I let him go and that is exactly why I am letting you go.” Mr. Matthews grabbed a crumbled money from out of his pocket and handed it over to her. “ Just promise you will return before Friday.”_ **

 

**_Maya reluctantly took the money and stared contemplatively at the father figure in front of her. “ How will I find him? Where will I begin?”_ **

 

**_Mr. Matthews shrugged “ Maybe start with Kermit.”_ **

  
**_“ Thank you,” Maya falls into his waiting arms, and sobs because he didn’t know how much this meant to her. Later, when Maya calmed down the pair got up off the bench and started walking back to her house._ **


	8. Chapter 8

**Even outside of Sabrina room, Sabrina could hear Riley and Lucas shouting at her mother. The five year old eager to listen in decided to push open the door and hear Riley yell, “ How come it took you five years to return. You can’t honestly tell me it took you this long to remember you had a daughter waiting for you!”**

**Sabrina winced and pulled her teddy bear close to her. Riley and Maya stood a good ten feet apart, Riley glaring at Maya, and Farkle in the middle of them, stopping Riley from getting close to Maya. Farkle had known from the start, that Riley and Maya's relationship would never be the same not when Riley resented Maya from taking away Lucas. He just hoped once Maya came back Riley would’ve welcomed her with open arms and understand why Maya left.**

**He knew deep down Riley still loved Maya even after everything, but right now she just needed time to release all this anger she has been holding on too.He didn't know how long it would take for her but he swore to himself he will do anything in his will power to bring back their bond.**

**But this fight was worse than anything he'd ever seen.**

**“Fuck you, Riley, Fuck you.” Maya yelled back, “ I’m tired of you putting me down for every decision I make and I’m tired of you making me look like the bad guy.”**

**“You left us!”**

**“ Don’t you dare act like me leaving affected you!” Maya snarled and took a step forward. “You stopped talking to me after Sabrina was born and only came back because of Lucas. Face it Riley you waited to see when I would fuck up just to step in and show Lucas I was never the right choice.”**

**“ I came back because your daughter needed a mother. Someone that could be here for her.”**

**“She’s my daughter! Not yours!”**

**"I was here for her when you weren’t. I held that girl when she cried for you!" Riley yelled back, a red vein spitting out at the end of her forehead and her jet black hair was in complete disarray.**

**"Oh yeah? Well now that i’m back,you don't have to worry about her, because I want you out of her life!" Maya snapped as Farkle kept a firm grip on her.**

**"Maya, come on let’s go calm down okay?" Farkle yanked at Maya who was staring at Riley anger clear on her face.**

**"Riley, you love Maya you shouldn't be fighting like this!" Farkle snapped as Riley was trying to get past Farkle**

**"You think it's so easy being her friend? Having to deal with fixing her life she easily screws? I don’t get how she thinks she could waltz in and pick up where she left off?" Riley yelled, his glare aimed at Maya, who was struggling against Farkle's hold.**

**"Get the fuck out of my house!" Maya growled quietly.**

**Riley snorted, "This is not your house!" and when Maya gave her a contemptuous look she shrugged, " I have lived here long before you and I will not leave.”**

**“I regret climbing up your house, I hate you and I hate myself for putting my happiness after yours. You never were a great friend you only thought about yourself. You selfish bitch.” Maya stopped her face going blank; she was clearly trying to figure out more things to say.**

**"The feeling is mutual." Riley said, almost smirking when Maya glared at her. "I wish I would’ve realize how you ruin everything you loved and left before you broke my heart." Riley mumbled looking away.**

**Farkle snorted, "No you don't! Both of you don’t mean that, your Riley and Maya, Thunder and Lightning, Sloppy Joe and Chicken pot pie.”**

**“You mean we were Riley and Maya. Now I don’t really know this person.”**

**“ I agree I hate her for being in my life and I hate her for coming back we were doing just great without her. Now you’re telling me we have to open our doors for her because she is Sabrina mother. Well, fuck that I won’t accept that I won’t let her hurt that little girl.”**

**“ Like I said she’s my daughter!”**

**“I don’t care Maya what matter is Sabrina and you shouldn’t have left!!” Riley face had grown red with the rising of her voice, and from upstairs the footsteps of a little girl could be heard.**

**“Riley?” Sabrina voice called from upstairs.**

**“Yea, sweetie?” Riley called up.**

**“Why are you shouting at my mommy?”**

**Maya’s eye grew wide and she whispered to Farkle with shock, “she called me Mommy!”**

**Before Farkle could say anything Lucas responded, “Why the hell should that surprise you?” Lucas snapped, “Did you think she didn’t know your relationship to her?”**

**“No, it’s just …” Maya trailed off looking pitifully at all her old friends, “Give me one more chance. Just for Sabrina.”**

**“Daddy can I come back downstairs now?” Sabrina called**

 

**Lucas remained silent, glancing at Farkle, Maya and Riley then to the bottom of the stairwell.**

**“Yea, shortstacks,” He finally replied back, looking at Maya straight in the eyes, “Come on down.”**

**“Lucas, you sure?” Riley asked unsure about Maya’s true intention.**

**He took a step closer to Maya, “you can’t stay here at night, you can’t talk about any personal issues in front of her,you can’t contradict me on any of my rules, and please don’t make me regret this.”**

**She nodded swiftly while the sound of their daughter footsteps could be heard pounding down the steps, Sabrina came flying into the living room just as Riley gave Lucas a final disapproving look that let him know she wasn’t okay with Maya but would behave for Sabrina.**

**Then they all turned to smile at Sabrina acting like their argument never happened.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Maya sat uncomfortably on the couch staring at Sabrina, who was sitting crossed legged on the floor, watching cartoons. Every couple of minutes Sabrina would turn from the television to look at Maya, quickly turning her head again when she saw her mother staring back.**

**Lucas was in the kitchen preparing their meal, while Riley and Farkle were up in Riley rooms talking about the situation. Maya usually would hear Riley scream at Farkle whenever he tried to defend Maya.**

**He really was a good friend.**

**“Are you ever going to talk to her?” Lucas would continually walk to the open doorway attached to the living room, and finally spoke to maya, who jumped, when he interrupted her thoughts.**

**“I was just sort of… letting her do her thing.” Maya looked at Lucas as if she was scared he would immediately regret letting her stay. “I’m not really sure what to say to her.”**

**“Are you staying?” Lucas asked coolly, ignoring the helpless look she shot him, and her comment about not being able to talk to her own daughter. It was her own fault anyways, and he sensed that Sabrina was uncomfortable as well, which heightened his hostility towards Maya more.**

**“ I know I’m not welcome,” Maya answered “But I’d really like to.”**

**“You can sit beside me.” Sabrina spoke up softly, “ If you want.”**

**Maya smiled softly, and Lucas huffed, turning and storming back into the kitchen.**

**“Well, the food is ready,” He called over his shoulder. Sabrina stood up and begin to walk towards the kitchen, Maya following in pursuit.**

**“Someone should call Riley and Farkle down.”**

**“I’ll go,” Sabrina scurried back upstairs, and Maya was left behind in the kitchen with Lucas. She gracefully tripped on the heels of her shoes, an effect that happened when she was nervous around Lucas. She surveyed the meal on the countertop, the main course being pasta, the first meal he made for her on their first date.**

**“I’ll just have an apple, I’m not really hungry.” She stated in a chipper tone she could muster, her mood dropping again when Lucas turned around with a scowl.**

**“I already made you a plate." He grumbled**

**“Oh,” Maya glanced down over at the small dining table where five plates of food were already placed, indeed containing a fair serving for everyone in the house. “Well, that’s fine.” She attempted to smile back at him but she really could feel the nerves getting the best of her especially when she was going to spend a course of meal with two people who really hate her.**

**“ I’m glad,” Lucas snapped quickly**

**Maya sat down at the table, folding her hands on her lap, repeatedly reaching down to readjust her blouse in an effort to occupy herself until the other house members joined her. Lucas seemed to be wasting time, idly washing dishes, until Sabrina came down with Riley and Farkle following behind.**

**Finally, they all sat down looking at one another.**

**“Spinach! Yuck,” Sabrina made a face at the pasta that had mixed vegetables. “Why can’t I have tacos.”**

**Lucas sighed loudly, “I asked you which you would have an hour ago, and you insisted that was what you wanted. You like Pasta.” Sabrina pouted, and then , as discreetly as a five year old could muster, glanced over at the adults plates, then back at her own. It resonated with Lucas, and he reluctantly stood up, reaching over Sabrina plate.**

**“Fine, I’ll take out the spinach.”**

**“Wait, Sabrina, you like Spinach remember they help you grow strong.” Riley put her hand over Lucas and pushed the plate down in front of the girl.**

**Sabrina frowned when Riley gave her a stern look and hit Farkle over the head when he started mimicking Popeye the sailor from the cartoons.**

**“Knock it off,” she mumbled**

**After a few seconds of eating in silence, Riley spoke again this time to Maya, “Are you going to actually eat, or just push your food around the plate. If you don’t want to eat you could’ve just left.”**

**“I’m sorry I just know that once I finish Lucas would expect me to leave and I’m not ready to leave.” Maya explained, playing with her food, before grabbing another fork full of pasta.**

**“Not that you think my opinion’s worth anything, but you eventually will have to leave.”**

**“Riley!”**

**“What, i’m behaving Farkle I’m just saying Lucas did say she can’t stay here and that food isn’t going to last long.” Riley realized she wasn’t making things any easier for Maya by reminding her she wasn’t welcomed, but she was still angry.**

**“Stop, not in front of Sabrina.” Farkle said his tone stern**

**Everyone relentingly, went back to their meal. Sabrina eyed her mother at the table for a moment, then began playing with her food,her tongue sticking out peeking out of the corner of her mouth in a sign of utmost frustration. Lucas looked up and saw this, and huffed loudly.**

**“Why don’t you stop playing with your god damn food and finally take a bite.” He barked at Maya, his tone rising at a dangerous pace. Maya wasn’t the only one who was shocked at his outburst. Sabrina leaned back in her chair, her fork abandoned on her plate, and she stared at her father, mouth agape same as Farkle. Not wishing to agonize him more than was necessary, Maya responded by cramming a mouthful of pasta into her mouth, wishing he didn’t get irritated by her. “It’s really good, just like the first time!” she exclaimed, as soon as she tasted the food.**

**“Good.” Lucas responded without enthusiasm, “Are you finish?” He stood up from the table, his own half full plate in hand, and reached across the table for her.**

**“No-” She tried to push his hands away, but he snatched the plate away from her, leaving her dumbfounded while he stormed towards the sink, dropping the dishes in with a heavy clatter “Hey, Huckleberry, what gives,” She shouted annoyed by his behavior.**

**“You could have a bit of mine.” Sabrina announced, glancing up at her mom and feeling some tension in the room.**

**“No, it’s alright sweetie, why don’t you take four more bites." Maya instructed softening her voice to the best of her ability.**

**Sabrina obeyed quickly, cramming in forkfuls, until she got stuck on the third bite, coughing violently. Maya and Riley looked alarmed, and they both reached over grabbing Sabrina from her hands pulling it over, gently patting the little girl's back. After she coughed a minute more, Sabrina hiccuped and glancing over at her mother and then at Riley again a bit worried about their next move.**

**"Come on, let's get you ready for bed." Lucas said not wanting Sabrina to get caught up in this drama. Still out of sorts, and thus, out of character, Sabrina didn't protest for another hour awake, even knowing she usually won those arguments. Instead, she nodded mutely, grabbing Lucas's extended hand, and sliding out of her chair.**

**"I could help!" Maya offered, still sitting limply in her chair.**

**Lucas turned to eye her coolly, "Don't worry. That won't be necessary."**

* * *

 

**An hour later, once Sabrina was in bed, bathed, teeth brushed, and pajamas on, Lucas returned back downstairs, to find Maya still there, spread out and asleep on his couch. He swallowed, surprised to find she had not left yet, and unsure of what to do. He wanted to avoid touching her, not wishing to revisit the pain it had caused him when she had hugged him earlier, but unfortunately, his presence did not alert her, and she continued to nap.**

**Lucas reached over and gently nudged her, withdrawing his hand immediately after. Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, but remained closed, and Lucas was reminded of what a feat it had been when they were younger, and he was in charge of getting her out of bed in the morning. She was like Sabrina in that way, a heavy sleeper who fought tooth and nail when it was time to wake up.**

**For a moment, Lucas's nostalgia was pleasant, but he quickly came crashing back into reality, feeling fresh anger flood through him when he looked down again at was she was now."Wake up." He didn't shout, but he spoke loudly and harshly, and he saw her move again.Her eyes moved around behind her lids for a minute, and she began to murmur under her breath. Then, she slowly came to, blinking slowly a few times and looking up to take in her surroundings.**

**"Oh!" She finally registered her company, and sat up, "Sorry. I had a rough flight and Farkle said I could crash down here for awhile. I obviously said no but then you were up there for a while and well I started to doze off.”**

**"Sorry, taking care of a kid does eat up some time here and there." Lucas deprecated her.**

**"Lucas, please. I can't take one after another of your cut-downs the entire time I'm here.Not when I have Riley hating me" She pleaded.**

**"Well what the hell am I supposed to do?" Lucas demanded, thrusting his hands towards her, "Just bite my tongue, bottle emotions up inside, and pretend you never walked out on Sabrina and me?"**

**"No. No, of course not." She answered in a hoarse whisper. She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling a sudden shiver run through her.**

**"I'll be honest, Maya, I'm not sure what I should do." Lucas huffed, "Everytime Sabrina brings you up, it just rips my heart in half again, and shakes up my world. You never even act remorseful! That's the worse part. I truly don't even think you realize how you hurt me."**

**"Lucas, I know what I did was awful! I was awful..." Maya avoided looking in his eyes, staring at the floor instead, "I know I'll never be able to say 'I'm sorry' enough times. I'm not trying to make up for what I've done. But continuing to stick my head in the sand won't do me any good either. I want to be able to move on from the mistakes I've made in the past, and be a constant in Sabrina's life from here on out."**

**Lucas sighed, and sat down on the couch beside her, neither one of them making eye contact, "You know what I think the hardest thing to accept was, after you left? I had to realize that the girl I'd been so in love with wasn't at all the person I thought she was. I thought you were perfect. But the day you were gone, I realized that you could never have loved me the way I loved you. You aren't even capable."**

**"But I did Lucas! I swear I did." Tears were springing from her eyes, not unlike his own, and she turned to look at him in desperation.**

**"No you didn't!" He contended, "You couldn't have. And I know that, because the moment I first saw _our_ daughter, I fell so deeply in love that I knew there was nothing in this world that would tear me from her. And you willingly walked out on her. If you couldn't feel the way I did about Sabrina, there's no way you could have felt the way I did about you. No way."**

**"I love Sabrina! I loved her from the moment she was born, and I never stopped loving her!" Maya insisted, "I never quit loving either of you. Lucas I was so young! I was just a dumb, stupid kid. I never got a chance to have a dad, and I could never get that off my mind. So I just did what I had to do without thinking about my family.”**

**"Well you should have! I was worried and after you left the man that was like a father to you also became devastated after you decided to seek for something you already had. You know Shawn might not have been your biological father but he was a damn good guy and he didn’t deserve this... We didn’t deserve this!" Lucas cried in exasperation.**

**"I know! But Lucas I didn’t want to live my life knowing I had a father out there who didn’t know about me. I just couldn’t " Maya bit down on her lower lip, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall.**

**Lucas did not choose to let it go either, "Maya, if you had told me all this instead of running away, I wouldn't have thought you were heartless. But leaving your family just because you didn’t feel complete,, that was cruel."**

**Maya swallowed, "I know."**

**"You should have told me." Lucas looked at his hands, "Maybe we would still have been together, happy with our daughter. She deserved to have the perfect family; a father and a mother."**

**"Maybe we could start over and give her that perfect family." Maya pointed out quietly.**

**"I love Sabrina so much, and I wouldn't let anything hurt her.” Lucas said adamantly, "And if I do decide to let you in I hope one day you will show me I was wrong about you."**

**"You’re making the right choice." Maya affirmed, "I just hope I don’t screw up."**

**They sat in silence for a moment, until Lucas finally spoke up again, "It's getting late. I think maybe it's time for you to go."**

**Maya nodded mutely, staring at her knees, "Can I see her tomorrow?"**

**"I have to work tomorrow." Lucas sounded irritated again, "Sabrina has pre-school."**

**"What about the afternoon?" She persisted.**

**Lucas sighed, "She usually stays in the school's aftercare program until I get off from work. I suppose you can go pick her up, and _bring her directly home_." Lucas emphasized the end of his sentence.Though he did not voice his fears, the hidden meaning was clear: Maya had run off before without regard for his feelings, who was to say she wouldn't run off again, this time with Sabrina in tow?**

**"Okay." Maya nodded heartily, "Thank you."They both stood up, and she leaned in to hug him, but he stiffened, and moved away.**

**"I meant what I said when I told you I couldn't forgive what you've done." He reasserted himself, "I'm doing this for Sabrina. Not for you."She nodded, biting her lip again and trying to look as if she wasn't bothered. She took a step back,**

**"Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Do you mind if I call you in the afternoon for directions to her school?"**

**"You shouldn't need them. It's the same place you went when you were a kid." He replied.**

**"Oh." A small smile formed on her lips, "I like that."**

**Lucas remained brittle, his lips formed in a tight line, "Yeah, well, Riley insisted we enrolled her in the same school."**

**She looked uncomfortable again at the mention of Riley, and turned to walk away,"Sweet dreams." She murmured over her shoulder.**

**"Same to you." Lucas responded without emotion, watching her let herself out without another word.**

* * *

 

**Lucas knelt down on the floor, reaching underneath his bed. He withdrew the picture frame, an action that had at one point been a habit, but was now something he had not done in ages. He had stuffed all other pictures of her in the attic, when he was no longer able to live in a house filled with photos of her.**

**This was the only one he had kept. It had always been his favorite, and even after she had left he hadn't been able to part with it.**

**His mother had taken it. He had his arms wrapped around Maya from behind, his hands firmly grasping her full belly, where future Sabrina was curled up inside. She had been irritated with him that entire afternoon, scolding him for making it so difficult to take a decent picture. He had finally come back with a witty remark to cut her down to size, and his mother had caught her smile just as she started to laugh. She was glowing, true to that old saying about expecting mothers, and he had loved her so much in that moment, that he knew he never wanted to be without her.**

**Lucas smiled softly, tracing her smile with his finger. It was so easy to hate what she had become, except when he remembered who she once was.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Maya passed by the front office of the school, ignoring the inquisitive stare of the woman behind the front desk. She moved quickly, before she had a brief encounter with one of the moms, who kept on whispering about her style. Despise the whispers she smiled as she walked into the main room of the pre-school, where the children of all ages were integrated in the afternoons.**

**The room was full of kids, and contrary to what might have been concluded from her past actions, Maya liked children. She stopped in front of a teacher's station, where a young woman sat, recording something in a spiral notebook without seeing her.**

  
**Maya tapped her nails on the front desk, slightly agitated when she wasn't immediately noticed, "Excuse me."**

  
**The girl flipped her head up, smiling brightly, "Can I help you?"**

  
**She paused for a moment, and then before Maya was able to speak, she burst, "You look exactly like Sabrina... How come I never seen you here before? Are you a close relative? A aunt or grandma?**

**"Do I look like her grandma!" Maya snapped, making a face a moment later at her odd phrasing of the sentence. She was insulted that the woman had called her old. She was not some over age lady she still looked young despise her age, quickly she tried to recover from her wounded ego, and presented her with a false smile, but before she was able to talk, the girl interrupted her yet again.**

  
**"What are you doing here?" She asked, “Lucas didn’t appoint you on our list."**

  
**Maya gave her one hard stare, and shook her head, "No, no, I talked to Lucas he said I could pick her up after school. Anyway, I'm in kind of a hurry. I need to pick up my daughter."**

  
**"Sabrina’s your daughter?" The woman looked shocked, as if all this time she had thought the resemblance was a coincidence.**

**"Are you incredibly stupid!" Maya snarled.**

  
**All enthusiasm and joy quickly fell from the girl's face, and she spoke dejectedly, "Excuse me,but we have proper procedures we need to follow even though you’re her mother.”**

**"Sorry." Maya softened her tone, feeling slightly guilty. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.**

  
**Again, the girl looked at her with a glare,"It’s okay I just have to call Riley."**

  
**Maya's eyes widened to the size of the moon, and her mouth fell open in horror, "Why do you have to call Riley when I am her mother?"**

  
**The girl slowly nodded, "Well, Lucas listed Riley as the mother in the files, so I would have to call either of the legal guardian just to make sure you are authorized to take care of Sabrina.”**

**Maya looked appalled, "I moved to California for a while and, obviously Lucas found someone else, but Riley is not Sabrina mother, as you can see…”She trailed off, surprised at how embarrassed she felt in front of this stranger. She knew the girl must have quickly been calculating her real story, and the fact that her and Lucas's private matters were suddenly exposed to someone she did not even know was startling. The judgement of one more person would be too much to handle.**

**Ready to get the hell out of there, she decided to cut the twenty-question session short, "Look, I'd really just like to pick up my daughter."**

  
**"I'm sorry, but we're not legally allowed to let strangers walk in and take the children out without the consent of their parent." The girl gave Maya an apologetic look.**

  
**"I am her parent!" Maya snapped, her voice insistent, feeling a bit humiliated at this point.**

  
**"But you're not listed in our records as her mother. Look, all I have to do is call Riley or Lucas and get one of their approval that you're okay to take her home. After that, you'll be able to come pick her up anytime you like, without any hassle." The girl intentionally spoke in a serene tone, hoping to calm Maya.**

  
**"Sabrina is over in the house center." The girl pointed to the back right of the room, where a little home area was set up, equipped with a pretend kitchen and a doll nursery, "You can go get her, and as soon as I make the phone call, you'll be good to go."**

  
**Maya swallowed a large lump that had been building in her throat, "Okay."**

  
**She walked away from the desk numbly as the woman dialed the telephone. She made her way to the back of the room, smiling as she saw Sabrina laughing loudly with another little girl her age.**

  
**"Mommy!" Sabrina shouted upon seeing her. She startled Maya by running towards her in excitement, completely opposite of her shyness towards her the day before.**

  
**"Hey baby." Maya knelt down and gave Sabrina a hug, ashamed that it was an awkward action for her daughter, who again felt lifeless as soon as she had her arms around her. But when Maya stood back up to her full height again, Sabrina smiled brightly again, and began to babble about her day with enthusiasm.**   
**"I made you a picture!" She exclaimed, and she ran up towards the desk where the woman Maya had just spoken to sat, still talking on the phone, but smiling pleasantly.**

  
**As they neared the desk, Maya heard the girl say, "Thanks Lucas. I'll see you tomorrow."**

  
**"Miss. Berlec! Miss. Berlec !" Sabrina called out to the woman, slowing when she reached the desk.**

  
**The woman smiled, "Hey Sabrina!"**

  
**"Do you have my picture from earlier?" Sabrina asked with urgency.**

  
**"I sure do. Right here." Her teacher opened a drawer and pulled out the illustration, handing it down to the little girl.**

  
**Sabrina smiled proudly and held the picture out for Maya to see.**

  
**"That's you, that's me, Riley, Farkle, and that's Daddy." She explained, pointing to a crayon drawing of five different figures holding hands, "And that's the dog Daddy won't let me have." She pointed to a round animal at the bottom corner of the drawing, fully equipped with six legs.**

  
**Maya smiled and took the picture, "It's great."**

**Sabrina beamed with pride.**

**"I just called Lucas and he said you're good to go." The woman said to Maya. Afterwards, her face contorted with slight confusion once more, visibly rolling over questions in her head it wouldn't be appropriate for her to ask. Maya noticed this, and decided it was high time to leave, to save any more interrogation, in front of her daughter no less.**

  
**"Thank you." Maya nodded and tried to smile, grabbing Sabrina's hand, and leading her away from the desk, "See you later."**

  
**"Bye Sabrina ." The woman smiled and waved at the little girl who mimicked the action, and followed after her mother.**  
  
**Maya walked let herself in through the front door using the spare key under the mat. Sabrina followed in pursuit, throwing her backpack down on the floor as soon as she had entered her home.**

  
**She looked up at Maya with her baby blue eyes, "Can I go play outside?"**

  
**"Sure." Maya nodded uncertainly, "Do you want me to go with you?"**

**Sabrina nodded, "You can watch me roller skates."**

  
**"Okay." Maya held Sabrina's drawing from earlier in her hand, and she glanced down at it, "I'm going to hang this up on the fridge and then I'll come out, okay?"**

  
**Sabrina nodded in agreement and ran back out the front door. Maya smiled, and walked into the kitchen. She realized the refrigerator was not decorated, but she was able to find a few free magnets on the side of it, and she used one to hang up the drawing.**

  
**Walking outside, she found Sabrina , a roller skates on each foot, both untied.**

  
**"Daddy's been teaching me how to tie my shoes, but I'm still having trouble." Sabrina explained, "Can you help me?" She kicked one of her feet in the air, offering Maya the skate.**

  
**"Sure." Maya knelt down and laced up her skates, shaking her feet when she was finished, "You're good to go."**

  
**"Thanks." Sabrina tried to stand, and Maya grabbed her hands, helping her wobble to her feet.**

  
**As Sabrina began to skate in circles around the driveway, Maya sat down on the front porch steps, the afternoon sun warming her face pleasantly, as she watched her daughter. She must have been six inches shorter the last time she had seen her. Was it possible for a child to grow that much in a year. She shook her head softly. No, but it certainly seemed that way. Maya felt another dose of daily guilt coming on, and she frowned, wrapping her arms around herself, and leaning against the porch rail. She'd missed so much. She was suddenly overcome with a desperate need to rewind, to watch her daughter first-hand grow from a baby to a toddler, to the child she was now. She wanted to have been there, to know all the things about her own child that were a mystery to her now, and to hug or kiss her daughter whenever she wanted without it being foreign or uncomfortable to either of them.**

  
**But Riley and Lucas were right. She couldn't take back what she'd done. She'd never be there to see her daughter take her first steps or begin to talk. She'd never be able to teach her how to read, or how to rollerskates for that matter, something she was doing effortlessly now. She'd never be there to see her off on her first day of pre-school or to tuck her in every night of the years she'd been gone. It was too late.**  
  
**Riley pulled her car into the driveway, surprised to find Sabrina and Maya both outside. Maya was grasping both of Sabrina's hands, swinging her around in circles on skates, while Sabrina giggled wildly. Even Maya was laughing, and Riley tried for a moment to figure out why that seemed so out of place.**

  
**Because she had not laughed around her in so long. The few times she'd seen her had been very serious, and quite honestly, very unpleasant matters, and she'd certainly never said anything humorous to her. She had not heard her laugh in nearly decades, and stepping out of the car, she realized she'd missed Maya. She didn't exactly miss her, but she missed the moment they’d share when they were young and blinded by the world.They weren't perfect or graceful. But the reason she loved them so much was because Maya was always by her side through thick and thin. Her ability to protect anything she loved was the most honest thing about her, at least that’s was the honest thing about her. She laughed loudly, almost cackling, in a way that was always able to make Riley laugh to herself, even if she'd missed the joke.**   
**Riley found herself biting back a smile at the sound of it again, but then remembered the worry she'd put them through for the past couple of years, and her face fell serious again.**

**"Hey." Riley walked up to the two, her tone grave enough to stop their giggling.**

 

**"Hey pumpkin." Maya let Sabrina go, and smoothed down the sides of her blouse, smiling at her.**

 

**"Why are you here?" Riley asked.**

**Maya looked confused, and shifted her eyes to the side for a moment, "Lucas let me babysit."**

 

**"I assumed he’s an idiot." Riley replied, and Maya's smile now fell completely as well, "How could he say yes to you without talking to me."**

**Maya swallowed, "I'm sorry,for coming back and ruining your fantasy, but I don't need your permission to see my daughter.” Maya knew she was acting like a prick, and when she noticed Sabrina giving them the same anxious look Farkle gave her yesterday, she decided to tone it down, at least for Sabrina’s sake.**

**"I’m sorry, I’m just mad about missing out on my daughter's life while you got to be here for her, like a mother." Maya relented, "I know, I did this to myself but it still hurt to hear Lucas added you as the mother instead of me."**

  
**Maya couldn't help but frown to herself she never intended to break down in front  of Riley, but looking at the paper and hearing that lady address Riley as the mother really hurt and made everything so real. Maya might have been her biological mother but Riley was the one who took that role and loved her daughter as her own.**

**So she should understand why Riley was protective of Sabrina, “Next time.' I promise I'll ask you ahead of time.” At least she wasn't being kicked out of the house.**

**“ No, it's alright. Farkle says I shouldn't be giving you a hard time but it's kind of  hard to forget what you’ve done. All three of them walked into the house, and Riley addressed Sabrina before Maya could get a word in, "Did you have a good day at school?"**

  
**Sabrina Nodded, "Mommy came and picked me up."**

  
**"I know." Riley knelt down and gave her a hug, kissing her forehead. Maya felt a pang of jealousy as Sabrina easily hugged her best friend back, not looking uncomfortable in the least bit.**

  
**"I drew this picture." Sabrina proudly gestured to the drawing hung on the fridge.**

  
**Riley squinted at it, realizing with a sinking feeling in her stomach what it was.**

  
**"That's you, Mommy, daddy, Farkle and me." Sabrina smiled, pointing to the picture.**

  
**"Oh. All five of us." Riley's voice sounded tight, and while Sabrina did not notice, Maya did.**

  
**"Sabrina, I'm going to start dinner soon. You wanna go watch TV while Mommy and I talk?" Riley asked.**

  
**"I want to stay here and talk with you." Sabrina answered, scowling at her sudden exclusion.**

  
**"We need to have a little bit of grown up time." Riley used the phrase Sabrina hated the most, and she huffed, not saying another word to Riley, but storming out of the kitchen angrily.**

  
**"Thanks for taking the liberty of apologizing " Riley said, somewhat casually, but still the comment itself remained unfriendly.**

  
**Maya looked confused for a moment, and then she looked up at Riley, " I don’t get why you hate me, Riley. You won, everyone loves you as always while I am here sitting on the sidelines hoping to fix my life?"**

**Maya shrugged, truthfully regretting staying in the room with her.**

  
**"Stop that Maya, stop playing the victim. Riley shook her head in disbelief, "I’m tired of you crying about your life when you self sabotage yourself?"**

  
**Maya stared at the counter, "You're right I screwed this up, I was the one who broke our promise."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a flashback about how Riley and Maya relationship first started breaking and how it ended.


	11. Chapter 11

**“Maya." Riley doesn't realize she's said anything until she's standing in front of her, arms crossed and staring.**

**"Yea, peaches?"**

**"Can I  - talk to you?" There's a huge weight sitting on her chest, and she's not sure how she's forming words,how will she tell her about the feelings that stirred when Lucas admitted to his feelings.**

**How would Maya react to this news?**

**Maya gestures between them, raising her eyebrows, waiting for her to say something. Except she can't. They're in Riley room full of movies they bought for movie night, and today she asked Lucas for privacy, while Farkle, Zay and Smackle left to go eat giving them the chance to talk about Maya and how she feels.**

**“Do you remember when you went out with uncle Josh and how I immediately ended the long game before you guys started it.”**

**“Yea,”It's been a year and a half since Maya was on a date with Josh.**

* * *

 

**Even till this day she could remember how their date caused a big fight to explode with them and how at the end Josh ended up taking Riley home and left Maya alone with Lucas, after Riley clearly reminded him Maya was a minor. At the end of the night the whole Josh scenario caused a rift between them. Maya was so angry at Riley for stalking her and interrupting what she called her moment and Lucas would stay quiet biting his lip thinking in his head he was glad his girlfriend decided to interfere before he walked up over there and pounce that eighteen year old.  That day she betrayed Riley. She remembered it all.**

**By the time Lucas walked her to her apartment hand in hand. She pushed herself away and thanked Lucas for calming Riley down, and then apologize for lying to the whole group, although she explained Riley was overreacting since her and Josh promised each other for a long game and now that he was ready she thought Riley would be happy for them and allow her to start dating her uncle.**

**It after all should have been fair because Maya stepped back for Riley and has ever since decided to avoid any male population until Josh over here was ready.**

**She remembered Lucas mention his heart had dropped into his stomach then, when she said, “ I was ready for him to kiss me, I mean I always pictured my first kiss to be with him and no one else.” He thought she always picture kissing him under the stars just how he pictured kissing her. God how he regretted not kissing her back in eighth grade under the star light beside the fire pit. That sure would have been a hell of a kiss she would have remembered.  Then now without realizing it Lucas is leaning down, hovering. Almost.**

**He waits a second before closing the gap, pressing his mouth against hers and stopping Maya from talking. The kiss was slow and lingering, because he couldn't help himself there she was, standing under the moonlight looking beautiful even when she was angry.**

**After a second she started thinking about Riley and how she technically was cheating on her with her boyfriend and how Riley will kill her after he practically kissed her.**

**Maya was ready to pull back, but then Maya surprises herself by pushing onto her tippy toes, splaying her hands over his chest and using him as leverage as she kisses him back. Again, she thinks about Riley, but whatever, this is their moment. He tastes like strawberries, just like the smoothie she poured over his head, and right now she doesn't entirely hate it. His hands find her hips, pressing warm against her body. And Maya doesn't think about how her relationship with Riley could further break -- literally, right now she was being selfish kissing Lucas, again she doesn't care -- about this any more, all she care about is how he stole her first kiss. Lucas says her name, low and hoarse, against her mouth, and Maya groans, opening up.**

**Seconds later Maya was pushed back against her front door, her fingers sliding up the back of Lucas’s neck into his hair and Maya didn’t recognize herself, didn’t know what to do except savor the slide of their lips and the warmth of Lucas’s mouth because maybe this would be the only chance she got.**

**She wasn’t even completely sure she wasn’t imagining it, honestly; she had dreamed about this so many times but had never truly thought it would happen.**

**But her nails were scraping against his scalp and she was very close that she could feel his body pressed back against her. Then she pushed away remembering how Riley saw him first.**

**"Riley," she says**

**“Sorry, I… I just...”**

**“Don’t, okay? Don’t.” Her face did this weird sort of spasming thing, maybe it was out of guilt. “Stop doing that!”**

**Lucas held up his hands. “Stop doing what? I’m not even doing anything.”**

**“You just kiss me.”**

**"I know."**

**“You’re dating Riley, but then you’re so damn nice all the time! Just… just stop, it’s confusing, and stop… Stop touching me, and stop standing there looking at me with your stupid face!”**

**Bewildered, Lucas touched his chin. “What’s wrong with my face?”**

**“Nothing, let’s just forget about it.”**

* * *

 

**“Well, do you still like uncle Josh? Or do you think your feelings for Lucas are returning?” Maya was baffled by the question did Riley know what happened that year or was she just curious because she was scared Maya would finally pay attention to Lucas.**

**“Riley, we both know that I i’ll never date Lucas no matter how many times he asked me out. It just not in me to date my best friend’s ex.”**

**“You know, he broke up with me the next day because he realized he loved you. I thought I would be angry and never forgive him but then he told me he loved you and he would fight for your love.”**

* * *

 

**“What do you mean you’re breaking up with me.” Nowhere in Riley life had she pictured Lucas would out of nowhere decide to leave her. She always thought it would be Lucas and her just like Cory and Topanga her parents.**

**“I just Riley… I’m not in love with you.” Lucas sighed running a hand through his hair.**

**“But do you like me?”**

**“Yes, Riley I like you, but that’s all I like you like a sister.” Lucas pointed out**

**“So, Maya was right we never stood a chance. Why now? Why tell me now when I always thought you like me more than Maya. I thought you chose me. Why did you make me believe it was always me.” she looked over at her desk and eyed the drawer where she kept the jelly bean he gave her that day when he decided to lie to her. She should have known he never loved her it was obvious how he always tried to protect Maya instead of looking out for Riley.**

**“It’s just Maya…”**

**“Don’t, just. Don’t. If you were a good friend you wouldn’t have played me or listen to Maya.”**

**“Sorry, I… I just was scared to fight for what I wanted then I saw Maya and Josh and then you and that guy and at the time I thought I was jealous of Evan, but then over time I realized I was just being protective of you because I didn’t want you to get hurt.” Lucas admitted, pushing at the innards of his books with his fingertips.**

**“So you decided to hurt me instead. Lucas, I think you should leave.”**

**“Riley, please...Can we at least talk about it.”**

**“What is there to talk about you love Maya and I’m just getting in the way of your happiness.”**

**“Riley, I don’t want this to end like this I want to keep being your friend.”**

**Riley was a bit annoyed. She needed time to process this information and yet Lucas is still standing here asking for forgiveness. How could she forgive him when he just yank her heart out of her body and decided to stomp all over it. Also, how did he expect her to forgive him when he willingly dated her for a year and now decided to break up with her for Maya. Then does he really expect her to be okay with him and Maya. Everything was screwed and Riley was really mad at herself for not knowing what to do. Should she forgive him even though all he did was follow his heart or should she hate him for loving someone else other than her.**

**“Lucas, I never been in this position to know what to feel. My mind right now is jammed with a lot of what if and right now I feel like a lost puppy. How do you think you would react with this information. Do you think you would be angry if I decided to leave you for one of your best friends and expect you to be okay with both of you dating.”**

**Riley, I understand that’s why I’ll wait and give you time to process whatever you need to process.”**

**“You’re a good guy Lucas, that is one of the reasons I fell for you. But what if I tell you I will never be okay with you and Maya even though I will try to be.”**

**“I don’t know clearly I would understand, but Riley I’m not going to loose my chance with her. I’m sorry but I have been holding back…”**

**“I know you have been holding back because of me and now you can’t do it anymore because you realized Maya is beautiful and at any moment any guy would sweep in and steal her from you. But Lucas, Maya is my friend and last time we talked she made it clear her feelings for you are over so why break up with me when you know she would never date you after you dated me.”**

**“Well, I hope someday she’ll change her mind. Just like I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. Riley, I hope one day you will be right by my side saying yes when Maya decide to let me in and show her how much I love her.”**

**“You sound just like my father. He always knew it would be my mother and him against the world and their kind of love made me believe maybe I would find it, someday with you. But you don’t love me and maybe I am not okay, for now, but eventually I will be okay. So, Lucas do what you want, I will be okay. Just don’t let her slip through your fingers.”**

**“ I won’t.”**

* * *

 

**After he left Riley was heartbroken she was all alone and the man she thought would be her soulmate belonged to her best friend she just hoped she would someday find what they had.**

**“Riley, it doesn’t matter what he said it’s you and me against the world. Remember we promised we wouldn’t let no guy get in between us.”**

**“But, Maya if you do decide to date Lucas. I think I will be fine with it. I mean it has been a year and if you decide to date Uncle Josh I also will be okay with him. I just want you to be happy.”**

**“I, promise I am happy with just you.” She smiled a fake smile and climbed out that window walking to Lucas house. They have been dating for a while now and right now Maya hates herself for lying to Riley. Why couldn’t she admit her feelings with Riley.Maybe it was because Riley has stepped back before and later on Maya found out she didn’t really mean it. Gosh how did this situation happened. How did Maya end up dating Lucas behind Riley back when she swore she never liked him.**

* * *

 

**“No. Chance. In. Hell.” Maya swiftly picked her books up and walked out of the classroom with the wave of students in passing time. Lucas grabbed his jacket and ran after her, pushing through the current.**

**“Come on, please!” He yelled after her, “it’s just one date!” Maya turned right on her heel.**

**“Dinner? Yeah, I don’t do ‘dating,’ especially with my best friends ex.” She shook her head at the absurdity of the thought, let alone Lucas’s whole idea. A chance… to date? To be… in love? With HeeHaw… to finally act on her feelings after they betrayed Riley? The whole thing made her head spin. “Why don’t you ask Missy… or Smackle! Or anyone but me!”**

**“Because I only like you and I would appreciate it, if you decided to give me one chance.”**

**“No, Riley is my best friend.”**

**“Maya it’s been a month since we broke up and she already has moved on.”**

**Maya bit the inside of her cheek. It was true, Riley was with Charlie and Lucas was here waiting for her despite her rejecting him everyday, the kid never gave up… and if she said no again, he’ll probably plan another proposal until she says yes.**

**God dammit. Maya swept her hair out of her eyes.**

**“What’s in it for me?” She sighed. It was obvious Lucas was prepared for this, and he immediately jumped on the answer.**

**“Dinner and maybe later another date a real date where I could walk you home and show you how much I appreciate this opportunity.” Maya pretended to consider it, but shook her head.**

**“Okay, but this is not a date and don’t expect me to wear a dress or kiss you tonight.”**

**“Got it. Not a date.”**

* * *

 

**Within two knocks on the Friar’s front door, the door swung open to reveal  Maya in her pjs and a twisted messy bun, holding her books from history. “Um… Maya, hey… I thought you were staying over at Riley’s.” He opened the door wider and took the books from her.**

**“Maya?”**

**She pushes him backwards, nails pressed against his chest until the back of his knees hit the couch resting against the wall and he falls unceremoniously into it. The devilish curl of her lips makes him swallow nervously, especially when she slowly trails her hands down his chest.**

**“Maya." He starts, ready to stop this. He has no idea what the hell she's doing or what she's planning to do.**

**“ Riley, told me you told her you loved me a year ago and I don’t know how to react. I just know I like you too and I don’t want to lose you.”**

**"Maya what the hell is wrong with you? What else did Riley tell you.”**

**“Nothing it’s nothing bad she just told me if I remember when I went on a date with Josh and my mind went to that day when you kissed me then suddenly I started thinking about how we started and on how you keep telling me it’s time to tell Riley. Then I thought you might leave me because I am not ready to tell Riley about us and then I just kissed you.”**

**“Maya, calm down...Breath. Now tell me why do you think I would leave you.”**

**“I didn’t tell Riley even though I was suppose to and here she was telling me it was okay if we dated and instead of telling her about us I just told her I would never date you.”**

**“Hey, it’s okay we will just tell her another day when you’re ready or maybe I could tell her.”**

**“No!” I just feel she needs to hear it from me.”**

**“Alright. We still have time. I will be here waiting for you.”**

**She kisses him softly.**

**“That’s exactly what you told me on our first date.”**

* * *

 

**"Wow,"**

**Lucas physically felt his jaw drop as Maya walked towards him.**

**"Hey,"**

**A small hopeful smile appeared on his face and she felt herself smiling back at him.**

**She looked absolutely and incredibly beautiful tonight, possibly more beautiful than she had ever looked before.**

**Her delicate pale skin glowing under the moonlight and her bright blue eyes shimmering. Her blonde hair had never looked so soft and the red dress she wore complimented her petite frame.**

**The pale red lipstick coating her lips made them look so kissable and the heels upon her feet brought her height closer to his, bringing their faces closer.**

**"These are for you," he spoke softly, still in a daze, as he handed her the roses.**

**A smile pulled at her lips and she felt her heart flutter.**

**A simple gesture had such a huge affect on her, but she found herself no where near hating the way he made her feel.**

**“Are you still not telling me where we are going?”**

**“Nope,” he said popping the P as he reached over and grabbed her hand. “It’s a surprise especially for you.”**

**Maya rolled her eyes and snatched the picnic basket away from him, checking what is inside. You got me pasta. I thought you were going to take me out to a fancy restaurant,” she grumbled handing him back the basket.**

**“ I was but then I thought I should probably take you somewhere you might enjoy.”**

**“Okay, are you going to tell me where we are going.”**

**“Of course,” he scoffed,he turned around the corner and stopped in front of an art museum.**

**“An art museum?”**

**“Not just any art museum. It’s the art museum that has your painting.”**

**Maya rolled her eyes at him, “You’re such a huckleberry. How are we going to go in there when it’s lock?”**

**Lucas looked at her confident and grabbed the keys from his pocket. “Hey, are we doing something illegal. Where’d you get the keys?”**

**“ I got them off of some guy I know.”**

**Maya gaped at him in awe. “Lucas the good broke some rules.”**

**“ Just c’mon we only have a few minutes.” he said, opening the door slightly to the darkened room. “Maya, come here I want to show you something.” He opened the door wider so she could slide through easily. He felt his shirt slide up against her and he felt heated again. Lucas stumbled around the room for a bit in the dark, searching for a light switch. The one farthest away from Maya turned on first, then the next one. Finally Maya started seeing painting and images on the wall, decked out with several artist. To the right of her she saw the image of her mother she painted, and right next to it she saw a contemporary art piece of a broken clock with a girl looking over at it. It reminded her of the broken clock Smackle gave her and how it represented a broken girl trying to fix her wrong. “ It’s beautiful, she promised, her eyes entrapped with the beauty of the painting. “What does this make you think of ?”**

**“It makes me think of a beautiful girl trying to repair herself and never realizing she doesn’t need to change because there’s nothing wrong with her. Hopefully over time I could show you why I always like you.” Lucas suddenly said “ Even if it takes years I will be here waiting for you.”**

**“I’m probably going to hate myself for doing this,”**

**“Do... what.”**

**Maya’s face was only inches away from hm, and he felt weak under the full intensity of her eyes at such close quarters. And oh, weren’t they beautiful.**

**“Tell you that I usually don’t kiss on the first date.,” she whispered, and closed the distance between them to press a chaste kiss on his lips.**

**It was brief, but Lucas felt as light as a free-falling fool, complete with the stars in the background. Maya still cupped his face, looking at him expectantly. He felt as if he ought to do something, but his mind still reeling, he was at a loss. He settled for wrapping his arms around her. In turn, he pressed small kisses to her neck.**

**“ Fucken Huckleberry...Why do you have to be so perfect.” Maya moved her boot slightly to kick the picnic basket.**

**“ Maybe it’s because I am trying so hard to impress you and hopefully you will….” She immediately cut him off kissing him again.**

**“Okay.. You win.” she stepped into his personal space, pushing his body against the brick wall. “ I will give you a chance, but we can’t tell Riley, not now.” she whispered against the shell of his ear, her arm slightly riding up his shirt.**

* * *

  **”Maya,” Lucas says**

**“What?” Maya blinks**

**“Riley is calling you.” He pulls away from her body and hands over her phone.**

**Maya in return spares her phone a glance before pushing Lucas body back against his bed. “Let it go to voicemail. Right now I want to spend the night with my boyfriend.”**

**Lucas freezes “Are you sure…”**

**Maya reaches up and presses a finger against his mouth. “Positive. What about you?”**

**He waits a second before closing the gap, pressing his mouth against hers.**

* * *

**Riley taps her fingers against Maya's wrist. "Hey. You never called me back."**

**"Sorry," Maya says. She frowns and shuts her locker. "I was studying for my history test and didn't want to lose focus, you know? And then it was late, so ..." The explanation trails off lamely, and Maya blinks, pulls her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment and looks past Riley. Riley turns her head, sees Maya’s eyes land on Lucas and his eyes on them. She wonders if they have something going on and if they did why Maya lied to her last night when she decided to have a heart to heart conversation about this situation.**

**She sighs. "Hey are you sure about Lucas?"**

**She hopes Maya won’t lie. She believes Maya's a good person, and when given the choice to lie or tell the truth, she'll choose the truth. Riley doesn't know what her own face looks like, obviously, but she hopes it's open and supportive and says: 'I am your best friend, and I stand by what I said yesterday, I will be happy for you. I will understand. I will love you.' Apparently, it does not convey those ideas well enough. "Yes. I told you it’s you and me against the world," Maya drawls, eyebrows raising. "Why?"**

**"No, reason" Riley concedes. It's early, and she's sleepy, and she really doesn’t want to fight or keep on pushing her. Maya will tell her if she needed to tell her something, and same goes for Lucas. They would never lie to her and that’s what she likes about them. They never would do anything to hurt her. "I was just wondering because Brandon ask me if you would consider going out with him?"**

**"Me?" Maya asks, and her eyebrows shoot even higher.**

**"Yeah." Riley shrugs. "It could be fun."**

**"Riley, do you really think going out with a stranger would be fun?"**

**"He's not a stranger we have chemistry with him," she offers, the right side of her mouth pulling up.**

**"Riley," Maya scolds. "You can't go on a date with someone you don't even like."**

**"Maya you need to give him a chance before you reject him. What if he’s the one? Come on, you haven’t dated ever since the Josh incident. Please do this for me." And she just might consider it because she couldn’t tell Riley about Lucas.**

**"Please. He asked me, to ask you.”**

**Maya rolls her eyes and scoffs. "He’s really nice."**

**"Please, Maya, please." Riley bounces on her toes. She can see Maya's resolve softening in the way her eyes do. And her eyebrows have returned to their original residence, which can only be a good sign. "Please, please, please."**

**"Please what?" Lucas asks, and Riley feels something in her stomach deflate.**

**"Riley wants me to date Brandon, from chemistry," Maya says, fake enthusiasm dripping from her mouth, her smile wicked.**

**"Oh." Lucas looks at Riley, then at Maya, and then his eyebrows furrow. "Are you going to?"**

**Maya looks at Riley, smile drooping a little, and then she looks at Lucas. The moment stretches a beat too long, and then Maya clears her throat. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go but only if we double date. Just incase he turns out to be a wierdo."**

**Riley knows she's being overdramatic, but she literally wants to screams. She plasters the sunniest smile she can muster onto her face. "Oh my god! Thank you! Now I just need to find someone.”**

**“What about Charlie Gardenier?” she says in the best accent she can muster.**

**“Well, right now he might be mad at me but that’s okay. I’ll just ask Zay, or Farkle.”**

**“Why don’t you ask Lucas?” Maya ask eyeing Lucas expecting him to be okay with this situation.**

**“ I don’t know Maya part of the reason Charlie is mad is because of being friends with your ex.”**

**“Riley, Lucas is single. I’m sure Charlie won’t mind it beats going out with a random guy. Right Lucas?”**

**Riley turns her head over waiting for Lucas to say no she sees Lucas shake his head, that fond smile on his face, the one he saves for Maya when Maya can't see him. His shoulders slump in resignation. Riley believes the resignation is for her, but she fears maybe it isn't. She's not trying to date Lucas after he admitted to loving Maya and she hopes Maya isn’t trying to push them back together after everything they gone through.**

**“Sure, why not. I’ll pick you up at seven.”**

**“Thanks, Lucas. You’re such a great guy.”**

**"And don't you forget it," Lucas deadpans when Riley pulls him into a hug. “Let’s just hope this ends sooner than later.” Riley narrows her eyes at him, and Maya shoots a "I’m sorry, Huckleberry" in his direction before she leaves to art class.**

**Everything was suppose to be perfect Riley finally was placing Maya’s happiness in front of her’s and is helping her take a chance with love.**

**Except that night. Riley realized something wasn’t right between her two friends.**

**They're clearly were trying to pretend everything is fine, but Riley notices Lucas’s brows keep wrinkling in confusion and frustration when he spots Brandon walking Maya to their table. Then how Maya keeps avoiding his stare. She thinks seeing Maya with another guy might of been the reason on why Lucas is pissed, but Lucas also needs to understand Maya has the right to move on and date whoever make her happy.**

**"Look. I know you like Maya, but try to be happy for her ..." She trails off, looking at Lucas seeing if he might do something crazy, but all he does is swallow, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. “I know this might be hard for you, but Lucas she deserves to be happy, even if it’s with Brandon.**

**Lucas looks at Maya and sighs. "Thanks, but I don’t get why she said yes to him when she told me, she would....”**

**“She would… what Lucas?”**

**“Nothing I just thought I finally had her and then Brandon came in….. and now here we are double dating.”**

**The double date is not working. Lucas jaw hurts from the way he's been clenching it all night. And it sucks, because Riley's sitting across from him in the booth, nodding her head enthusiastically and acting like Maya and Brandon belong together, except Maya and him are secretly dating and he only allowed his girlfriend to date this dude because Riley set them up and Maya didn’t have the heart to tell her about him. He then realized Riley might have planned this double date on purpose. Why would she suddenly force Maya into dating a football player and ask him to double date, and why did he agree to this date when Riley and Charlie had a big fight about how she still is using him to get Lucas jealous.**

**He realized he screwed up when he allowed his girlfriend to date someone else in front of him and out of anger accepted Riley offer, only to have Maya scream at him for making the situation awkward . “Lucas,”  Riley says.**

**"What?" Lucas blinks.**

**“Brandon ask you a question." Her eyes are pleading. Her fingers grip the table, her shoulders inch toward his ears, and Lucas wants to tell her she really needed to stop setting Maya up with random guys.**

**Lucas spares him a glance. "What?"**

**“Riley said you're a fan of baseball? I got two extra tickets to the baseball game if you and Riley ever want to double date, again"**

**Lucas rolls his eyes. “I'm leaving."**

**He hears Riley call his name, but Lucas ignores her. He wasn’t going to let her manipulate him into staying and watch this guy flirt with his girlfriend.**

**He then hears Maya call his name and stops himself from moving a step forward, allowing her catch up to him.**

**"Hey, if you were going to be a jerk all night, you didn't have to come. You should've just said 'no.'" Maya's face is red and right now he wonder why she was mad when he spent hours looking at some random guy flirt with her and she then screamed at him for ruining her date instead of leaving with him.**

**“Do you even like me or am I wasting my time?”**

**Lucas looks at Maya like he's begging her for something, but she crosses her arms over her chest, scuffs her shoe against the street. “Why don’t we discuss this somewhere else.”**

**Lucas looks at Maya and sighs. “Thanks, but I think I already know the answer. Why don’t you go back to your date. I’ll be fine.**

**“Lucas, Please. Don't be a baby. You know I love you. I just couldn’t tell her about us."**

**Lucas sighs and takes a step forward closing any space in between them. "What do you want? Do you want to keep on lying to your best friend or yourself.”**

**"What do I want?" she repeats back like she can't comprehend the words. She doesn't know. She's been thinking about it since yesterday night, and she doesn't have an answer. It's too complicated. She's messed up too much."I want to be with you, but then again I don’t want to lose Riley."**

**"Forget about Riley for a second," he says "Right now I want to know if you regret this.... Us and if you want to end our relationship?**

**She knows the answer to this one. It's why this is so hard. “ No,”she whispers, looking at the floor. “ I don’t regret this.”**

**“Good, because I believe in us.” Maya catches his eye. She feels hot all over. "And I think, we owe it to ourselves to try dating outside our rooms.”**

**"Yeah." The word cracks. "Maybe."**

**“Thank God.” His smile ticks up a bit, happier. And then he swoops in and kisses her right there and then in front of everyone not caring about the consequences. "Lucas," she says against his mouth. She pushes herself up so she's getting a better angle and moves her hands to his shoulders.**

**Maya?"**

**Maya and Lucas jump apart like they've been burned, how could they forget about Riley standing more than five feet away from them.**

**"What's going on?" Riley ask looking at both of them, while Brandon excuses himself.**

**Maya looks up at her, opening her mouth like she's going to explain, but Lucas is the one who speaks. "We were going to--"**

**"Maya," Riley cuts him off with a glare. "What is going on?"**

**"Riley, how much of that, did you hear." she says, words barely audible.**

**Riley feels anger rising in her chest, and she takes another deep breath, trying to quell it. “Enough to know you lied to me.”**

**"I, I--" Maya looks at Lucas, waiting for him to save her.**

**"Riley, I never lied about my feelings towards Maya," Lucas says. Unlike Maya, he doesn't look guilty. “ You said you were okay with us.”**

**"Lucas, don’t. I always have been okay with this but why lie to me about it why not tell me the truth.," she says. The words sound eerily calm, even when she really wants to scream at them.**

**"You're a jerk. I can't believe you-- lied to my face.”**

**"Riley," Maya cuts her off, and there's an edge to her voice that makes Riley stop. "I was going to tell you. I was confused. I was so -- I'm sorry. I know I should have told you. And I know I fucked up. I'll apologize for not telling you. I'll apologize for hurting you. But I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel."**

**Riley gapes, and she feels her eyes widen impossibly. “You really just don’t get it. I need to leave. Hope you are happy with yourselves.”**

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

                                                                              

**"Honestly, I never was mad about Lucas,I actually was happy for you, but I was more mad when I found out you were lying to me." Maya cast her eyes down too, "I just thought I would have been the first person you would go to when you realized you loved him.”**

 

**“I was scared of losing you.Lucas was your first boyfriend and what kind of friend would I have been if I rubbed our happiness in your face.”**

 

**“ I don’t know a good friend, maybe I needed to hear you say you loved him so I would've realized it was over. you know I would've stepped back if you just told me.”**

 

**“I always had a problem speaking about my feelings. Riley you know I would do anything to protect you.”**

 

**"I know that's why you did the stupidest thing that caused us our friendship.”**

 

**“I don’t know how to fix this,” she says and she’s not sure if she wants to finally admit her fault.**

 

**“Me either.”**

 

**Maya was right. Riley does hate her for leaving.**

 

**“Maybe I shouldn’t have come back,” she says, shaking her head and pushing herself up, away from the edge of the counter. Riley sighs behind her.**

 

**“So that’s it? You’re just gonna leave again...leave them?”**

 

**Maya turns to Riley’s hard expression, something unfamiliar that makes her stomach twist. “I don’t know what to do,” she says at length. “I don’t feel like I belong here anymore.”**

 

**“I want you to stay,” Riley says, somewhere between anger and desperation. “I don’t want you to leave Sabrina..”**

 

**“Maybe she’ll be better off without me,” Maya says, the same frustration rising in her.**

 

**“ Then why are you here?” Riley asks, eyes wide, like she doesn’t quite know Maya anymore. “Why did you come back to her when you knew you weren’t ready for this responsibility?You should have just stayed in the dark.”**

 

**It hurts more than Maya expects, Riley’s sharp words. Like a knife to the gut as they stand in the warm afternoon sunlight, the rest of the world too cheery for this moment.**

 

**“I don’t want this to be us,” she says finally, sinking down on kitchen floor. “I don’t want us to be those girls who stop talking after high school just because of a boy?”**

 

**“It’s not his fault,” Riley says, and oh yeah, Maya forgot for a second that she left while Lucas stayed. She ran away and never thought to apologize for her past actions. Leading her to be the bad guy**

 

**“Fine, I did it to us,” she says,“But I don’t want to fight forever. Our friendship is more important.”**

**She’s is done feeling bad for what she did. She left. So what? She came back to fix it and if Riley didn’t accept her apology then so be it. “I’m sorry I let everything fall apart between us,” she says because she is sorry for that at least. “I just couldn’t stand being the one making you cry.”**

 

**She has no other explanation for what she did. It happened. It’s over. They have to move on.**

 

**Riley sits down next to her after a minute, hugging her arms like she’s cold. “I’m sorry too,” she says finally, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I pushed you away when you mostly needed me and I let some guy come in between us.”**

 

**“I don’t really want to talk about Lucas, okay?”**

 

**“Maya,” Riley says, but Maya doesn’t let her finish her thought, standing up from the ground.**

 

**“I have to make dinner before Lucas arrives,” she says, checking the time on her phone. She’s lying, but she’d rather spend the time cooking rather than here talking about Lucas.**

 

**“I really wished you’d stop running from your problems,” she says, and Maya smiles as she turns around.**

 

**“I’m not going anywhere.”**


	13. Chapter 13

                                                                                   

**"Okay. I think that's decent enough," Maya muttered, satisfied with the taste of the soup.**

**She set the mixing spoon back in the pot and cut off the stove top, wafting the fresh scent of the homemade chicken noodle soup she'd made for Sabrina. It'd been a little while since she'd made her mom's recipe, but it came out pretty well.**

**Of course, this had been after she'd spent a good ten or so minutes having to rummage through the entirety of the Lucas's cabinets and cupboards and the shelves to try to find everything she needed. A plus side was that their pantry and fridge was pretty well stocked though, so she'd had all the ingredients she needed in order to make something good for her child.**

**She wasn't really sure what Sabrina liked , but Maya couldn't really ask her since it would remind her how they still had a barrier to repair and she couldn’t really ask Riley since she left an hour ago stating Farkle had something planned.**

**This then lead her to do her famous soup surely Sabrina would like it and Riley did mention how she always would whip her up Maya’s soup whenever Sabrina use to get ill and how Sabrina always loved it.**

**Taking the plastic  bowl that had been in a low cabinet—she poured some of the soup in it before replacing the pot into the stove and putting it on warm so it didn't lose its heat. She covered it with the lid and then popped a spoon in the bowl before picking it and slowly making her way back to the living room.**

**Lucas lived in a pretty nice apartment—spacious—and what she deemed a pretty good size for a growing child to run around and play in. Some of the furniture looked like antiques possibly passed down through generations, but otherwise, it wasn't worn down or damaged. It was sensibly furnished with the décor all matching in color scheme. What surprised her the most was the fact that despite Lucas being bad at decorating actually considered putting some of her old decor in their apartment. She wonders if the decorating was Riley doing or if Lucas finally gave in to the color scheme after she kept talking about how perfect it would look.**

  


**"Hey, shortstack? I made you some soup to eat," Maya said, padding softly into the living room and over to the couch.**

**Sabrina groaned incoherently, but turned over onto her side and faced Maya though her eyes stayed closed.**

**"I don't wanna…" she muttered in a nasally voice.**

**"I know you're tired, but you need to eat something to help you get stronger. At least half of it and then I promise you can go to bed."**

**"Fine…" Sabrina grumbled, sitting up slowly with a pout.**

**Once Sabrina was situated, Maya sat on the edge of the couch and handed her the bowl of soup, making sure it was stable in her hands. Sabrina took a cautious sip from the spoon, taste testing it carefully. She looked genuinely pleased and took another careful sip, blowing on the hot soup so it wouldn't burn her tongue.**

**"Is it okay?"**

**Sabrina nodded, giving Maya a small grateful smile. "It's yummy."**

**Maya sighed in relief. "That's good to hear. I wasn't sure what you would like and Riley left before I could even ask."**

**"Riley always made me your famous soup whenever I was sick before. She told me you use to make it for her when she felt ill. I always waited for you to come back just so you could take care of me just like you took care of her." Sabrina sniffled, the small trail of snot on her upper lip disappearing back into her nose. "But you would never come!"**

**"Sabrina…" Maya hesitated briefly. "Do you forgive me for leaving?"**

**Sabrina shrugged, staring down at the bowl with a slight frown on her face. "I don't know,but i’m happy you’re back."**

**It was expected after all. Sabrina had only been one when it became just the two of them.**

**"But I'm not mad! Everybody takes care of me. Riley, Topanga and grandma always were nice.," Sabrina quickly said. "And there's my teacher Mr. Matthews, Shawn, Farkle, and Zay. And I have Mrs. Berlec, then I have you along side my dad don't I, mom?"**

**"Of course you do." Maya smiled, placing her hand on Sabrina's forehead under the curls to try to form any sort of contact without getting her to tense up. Maya was relieved that she didn't pull away. "I'm glad, i’m here taking care of you."**

**Sabrina continued to eat her soup while Maya gathered the shoes Sabrina had tossed on the floor before hopping on the couch, putting them in front of her bedroom door. She wondered whether not leaving her was actually possibly affecting Sabrina more than she let on. Maya wasn't psychic by any means, but she could definitely understand and relate to Sabrina's emotions and something about her response didn't inspire happiness. Maya knew how good Sabrina had already become at hiding what she was feeling or what was going on with her. There was a good chance she wasn't letting anyone know what her actual feelings were on the matter.**

**"Mom? I'm all done."**

**Maya walked back over to the couch and took the now empty bowl.**

**"Are you sleepy?" she asked softly, smoothing Sabrina's tangled hair out of her face as she yawned.**

**"Mmhmm…" Sabrina mumbled, blinking up at her through bleary blue eyes. "May I be excused."**

**"Yea, honey. Go get some rest. I'll be right in the living room if you need me, okay?"**

**She left the room, walking to her bedroom while Maya went to clean the dirty bowl. Maya vaguely wondered how she'd ended up in this situation feeling like a stranger with your own daughter. Honestly, it was kind of crazy in and of itself and she knew if Riley ever found out, she would then try to fix something that might take some time.**

**Once she put the bowl back in its storage in the cupboard, Maya looked around, trying to think of what to do while she waited for Lucas to return. It wasn't her apartment, so she definitely didn't want to start digging around or using things that didn't belong to her.. Watching TV was a no. She didn't want to accidentally wake Sabrina up from the noise.**

**She needed something to distract herself with because her thoughts were starting to drift down their typical dark road. Thoughts like how she could have had a chance to take care of her sick child had she only stayed. Thoughts of how she'd missed a real opportunity because of her stupidity and how Mrs. Berlec seems to be more involved in her daughter’s life than her.**

**"Maybe I'll read…"**

**She walked in the living room, heading over to the bookshelf that was nestled in the corner. A lot of the books were covered in thin layers of dust, and Maya knew they hadn't been touched in a while. She scanned the shelves, perusing the titles for something that could occupy her attention for the time being. The lower shelves had a lot of old textbooks and reference books for veterinarians. There rest were mostly children's books, but right in the middle, she caught sight of sense and sensibility.**

**Maya pulled it out of the shelf, wrinkling her nose when the dust flew in her face and almost made her sneeze. The book's pages were nearly yellowed with age and kind of falling apart at the seams and patches of dust caked on the cover were so old they would have to be scraped to be removed. It looked like it hadn't been opened in ages, not to mention the copy itself was very old.**

**Sense and Sensibility had always been a reminder of what happened in middle school.Maya had fond memories of the book especially during the winter when she secretly would bundle up under her covers with her mom beside her and a cup of hot cocoa, talking about her situation.**

* * *

 

**Maya was pretty deep in the book when she heard the jingle of keys in the lock and the apartment door opened. Lucas walked in shortly after with his briefcase and lab coat folded over his arm, clearly looking tired and if she really thought about it, a little somber. Maya put the book down on the couch and stood up, smiling in greeting when he turned and saw her.**

**"How's Sabrina?" he asked, dropping his things on one of the loveseats.**

**"She's fine. I made her some soup and then she went to sleep. Hasn't made a peep since."**

**"That's good to hear." He made his way across the room towards Sabrina's bedroom door. "Thanks again for watching her."**

**"It's no problem at all. Also, I made too much soup. There's some on the stove if you're hungry."**

**It wasn't lost on her that the whole situation reeked of a wife and husband scenario, but she pushed the thought out of her head quickly. This was all Riley's fault for making her believe Lucas still loved her.**

**"I'll definitely take you up on that offer. Thanks."**

**“So I met Sabrina's teacher today."**

  
**"So I heard." Lucas replied, referencing the phone call he had received earlier.**  


**"You told her, Riley was her mother?" Maya tried to mask her abhorrence, but it still came through, even while speaking in as soft a tone as she could manage.**

**Lucas shrugged, "It was a lot easier than giving her the real story."**  


**"So you just killed me off?" Maya didn't seem to want to let the matter go.**  


**"Do you really think me telling her the truth would have been more flattering for you?" Lucas exclaimed, baffled, "Do you know how many people ask me on a day-to-day basis about why I am still a single father? I try to avoid telling the real story, because in all honesty, the pity is worse when I do. It makes me feel like a total loser, and I can always see them rolling questions over in their minds, about what I must have done to drive the mother of my child away. If I say Riley and I divorced each other four years ago, they say something sympathetic, and never mention her again."**  


**Maya frowned down at the countertop, silent for a moment, "I'm sorry Lucas." She murmured softly.**

**"Yeah, well..." Lucas trailed off.**  


**After a moment he spoke again, "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but given the way last night went, I think it might be best if you leave. I want to make sure Sabrina doesn’t get too close.”**  


**"Oh. Okay." Maya was visibly hurt, but she didn't protest, not wanting to fight again.**  


**"I don't mean you have to leave right now." Lucas quickly added in.**

**Maya nodded softly.**  


" **I'm going to put her bag in her room, I noticed it was still by the stairs." Lucas said,**

**"I'll be right back down."**

  
**"Actually!" Maya started, and Lucas turned to look back at her.**

  
**"Do you mind if I go with you?" She asked, "I'd kind of like to see her room."**

  
**Lucas nodded mutely and Maya followed him through the house. "Well, this is it." Lucas set Sabrina's bags down in the corner of the room. “I think she went to sleep in my room today. Probably wanted to wait for me.”**

**Maya walked to the bed, and ran her hand gently over the white comforter, "I always wanted to decorate a little girl's room."**  


**"Yeah, well this one probably has a little more pink than you would imagine." Lucas said softly. All the furniture in the room was white, as were the walls, display dolls and a few framed photos of their family living happy without her. Then they had one that caught Maya’s attention.**  


**Maya took notice of one of the hanging frames, and stepped towards it to further examine it, "That's me."**

  
**It was, though it wasn't a personal photo, but rather a drawing, of Maya looking down at Lucas while he kissed Maya’s growing belly.**

**"Yeah." Lucas replied, "That was Sabrina's favorite picture of you. She kept working on it until she got it right. I never thought it would come out so beautiful."**

  
**Maya continued to stare at it.**  


**"There's an entire box full of photos of you over there." Lucas gestured to a lavender colored storage box on the other side of the room.**

  
**"Really?" Maya walked over to it, curious, and opened the lid, staring down at a box full of pictures of her. But they were all of Lucas and her, every single one. Maya reached into the box, and ran her hands through them, lifting stacks of them up, and watching the pictures of them grow older.**

  
**It took her and Lucas both a moment to realize she was crying. Slowly, though, she began to shake, until she let all of the photos fall from her hands, and began to sob, tears falling down her face rapidly, bringing buckets of mascara along.**  


**Before he thought better of it, Lucas was kneeling down beside her on the floor, wrapping his arms around her. There wasn't anything comforting for him to say. He couldn't say, 'It's okay,' because it wasn't. He couldn't tell her everything would be alright because he highly doubted that was true either.**  


**But even still, he held her to him while she cried into his chest. Somewhere inside, he thought to himself that he had to be a weaker man because of it, still unable to repress all feeling for her.**

**And with that thought, he gently pushed her off of him, standing up and walking out of the room.**

  


 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Maya licked her fingers while staring into the silver mounted mirror in her daughter's room. She ran her index fingers underneath her eyes, trying to remove the black mascara residue left on her face from her crying. She felt another after tremor shake her body, and she gripped her hands to her elbows, staring at her reflection in the mirror.**

**'I bet Lucas wouldn't think I was beautiful now.'**

**It was the first thought that came to mind while she examined the splotched puffy face and red eyes that glared back at her through the glass. She sniffled one more time and turned away, exiting the bedroom. She had no idea how long she had been in there since Lucas left her on her own, but the loneliness had begun to feel eerie.**

**Stepping out into the hallway, and feeling so uncomfortable and out of place, it was hard to believe that this had once been her home as well. She and Lucas had spent countless hours here, cuddling on the couch watching old movies, failing at numerous efforts to cook a decent meal, making love in the evenings, and having long talks in bed at night, when she shared with him all of her most intimate thoughts and feelings.She tried to swallow, but it stuck in her swollen throat, and she slowly descended the stairs, hoping Lucas was still feeling humane when she reached his room.**

**"He's going to want to check to see if he has a milk mustache. Then he'll realize he needs a haircut. So he's going to ask you for some scissors. After he's finished, he'll want to clean up, so he'll ask you for a broom. He may get carried away and clean the whole house."**

**Maya smiled softly as she walked into the room, to find Lucas sitting on the edge of the bed next to Sabrina, reading a book aloud to her.**

**Sabrina looked up and noticed her, interrupting Lucas in order to greet Maya with a, "Hey!"**

**Maya gave a soft wave.**

**"Hey." Lucas said softly, closing the book and setting it down, "You all right?"**

**Maya nodded, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to have a breakdown."**

**"What's a breakdown?" Sabrina piped in, tugging Lucas's arm with urgency.**

**Lucas glanced to the side at his daughter, "It's when somebody gets upset."**

 

**Sabrina's eyes widened with utmost concern as she turned to Maya, "Why are you upset? Did I make you upset?"**

**"No, sweetie." Maya answered reassuringly, "Everything's okay."**

**Sabrina didn't seem so sure, and she looked back at Lucas with distress, silently urging him to do something with her eyes.**

**"It's okay 'honey, don't worry. Everyone gets upset sometimes, including May- Mommy." Lucas kissed the top of his daughter's head.She still did not look too sure, and she glanced back at Maya, looking for any signs to contradict Lucas.**

**Maya looked wistfully on at the father and daughter sitting together. Both were nestled on the bed, and she knew she would only make things uncomfortable if she attempted to sit beside them. She imagined herself snuggled against Lucas, Sabrina in between them, in a world where that would be a normal scene.**

 

**She sat down on a desk chair, and stared ahead, hoping Lucas would speak to her again before making her leave.**

**Lucas looked back at her, uncomfortable, and cleared his throat, "I guess I better call Farkle. Sweetie why don’t you go back to sleep."**

**Maya felt her heart sink. That was her cue to leave. Lucas stood up and walked towards the living room, and she quickly followed after him.**

**"I guess you want me to go now?" She asked, in the back of her mind hoping he had changed his mind and would let her stay.**

**"I think that would be best." Lucas answered, feeling slightly guilty despite himself.**

**"What about tomorrow?" Maya asked.**

**"What about it?"**

**He started dialing Farkle number and began to press the phone next to his ear, pretending as if he actually answered instead of sending him to voicemail and replying with be right back in a week, he really wished Farkle didn’t decide to surprise Riley right now when Maya was right here right now looking at his face expecting them to repair a broken relationship.**

**"Can I see her?" Her voice cracked, and Lucas winced, fighting back sympathy and urges.**

 

**There was still evidence of her crying spell earlier, and he knew if he saw her looking so pitiful and miserable, he'd have her in his arms again, feeling just as pathetic as he had earlier, upstairs in Sabrina's room.**

**"Please. Don't cry again." Lucas managed the words through a clenched jaw, and he stood up to his full height, dropping his phone on a random couch.**

**He still would not look at her.**

**"I'm not going to cry Lucas. I'm sorry for earlier." She stared straight at him while she spoke, hating that he would not do her the same courtesy, "Could I pick her up again tomorrow afternoon?"**

**"Fine." Lucas finally looked up and met her eye to eye, relieving her.**

**"Lucas?"**

**He sighed loudly, "Yes?"**

**"I miss you." It was the truth. She knew he would probably be angry with her for mentioning it, but she felt like she had to say something.**

**His mouth hung open in shock, surprised she'd be so brazen as to say that after he'd made it so clear he wanted nothing to do with her any longer. He watched her take a dangerous step closer to him, and gulped, glancing back and forth in panic.**

**"Maybe we could get together, to catch up, and-"**

 

**"No." Lucas's voice was stony, and she stopped, looking dumbfounded.**

**"You didn't let me finish." For the first time, she was the one who sounded angry, and this startled Lucas, but he didn't relent.**

**"I told you, I want nothing to do with you. Not now. You're here for Sabrina, and I'll try to be civil with you for that reason only. But you and I have no reason to be alone together." Lucas felt his hands trembling, but he managed to keep his voice steady.**

**"Come on, Lucas. You can't stay mad at me forever," She took another step forward, "I'm still your wife."She took one more step, and was now only inches away from him, while he breathed heavily out of his nose, feeling his forehead begin to perspire.**

**"You still love me." She sounded almost smug, knowing she had found the exact words to hang over his head, and he reeled in anger, wondering why she was so damn insistent.**

**"Stop!" He snapped, "I'm not going to let you manipulate me."**

**He locked his jaw steadfast, and did his best not to shake as he stared straight into her eyes and said, "I don't love you anymore."**

**Maya's confidence visibly broke, though she tried her best not to show it.**

**"That's a lie." She said adamantly, but Lucas shook his head.**

**"No it's not. Every time I look at you I see the girl that walked out on my daughter. That's all I'll ever see." Lucas narrowed his eyes, "And I don't love that girl."**

**Maya clasped her hands together against her chest and shrunk back.**

**"Do you hate me Lucas?" She asked quietly, all previous signs of sureness gone. She hadn't thought it was possible that he could ever stop loving her. She didn't want to believe it, even now, after she had been distanced from him for so long.**

**Lucas felt the anger drop from his face, now that she was no longer battling him for an upperhand. She was huddled away from him now, defeated, and he found himself again biting back unwarranted guilt.**

**"No." He answered, his voice softened, "Because when I look at you, I also see the mother of my child. I could never hate you Maya."**

**Maya swallowed, and nodded slowly, "Okay then."**

**She was silent for a moment longer, knowing he was waiting for her to leave. After hesitating a couple of times, she spoke up once more."Can I ask you one question?"**

**Lucas's nostrils flared, "What?"**

**"When did you know? I mean, that you didn't love me anymore." She desperately tried to catch his eye, but once again he had reverted to staring at an unknown spot on the floor.**

**Lucas faltered, searching for an answer to an impossible question, and finally said, "The day you walked out the door."**

**"Oh." Maya let her hands fall to her side, her entire body feeling as though it were made of steel. She didn't feel as if she were capable of movement.**

**"My mother always told me you would know you'd stopped loving a person the first time you went a whole day without thinking about them."**

**She shrugged, fighting back a fresh batch of tears, hoping they would hold off until she had at least made it out of his house, "But I guess what I did was so terrible, it made me an exception to the rule."**

**Lucas stared blankly ahead. After he said nothing else, she turned and walked out of the room, not bothering to say goodbye. He was unable to break his gaze, even after she had left the room, and he heard the sound of the front door opening, then shutting.**

**A single day still never went by when he didn't think of her.**

* * *

 

**"Shit!"**

**Sabrina gasped loudly, her mouth forming into a delighted O shape, "You said a bad word!"**

**"I'm sorry." Maya managed to squeak, holding her wounded hand, and hissing as she tried to ignore the pain.She was preparing Sabrina an afternoon snack, and she had just found out the hard way that holding an apple to your palm, while bringing a steak knife down into it with the other hand, was not the most effective way to slice an apple.She opened her palm to examine the damage, and was met with a deep gnash, bleeding profusely."Ow, ow, ow!" She cried.**

**Sabrina's joyful expression at hearing an adult cursed now formed into one of fright, "Are you all right?"**

 

**Maya nodded, "Yeah. Here let me finish slicing this."**

**She set the apple down on the counter now, and using her one good hand, began to saw into it."I don't think that's how Daddy does it." Sabrina warned, seated and waiting at the kitchen table.**

 

**"Well Daddy's not here at the moment to show me how to do it right." Maya replied, her voice still tight and unnatural due to the pain.**

**Right on cue, the sound of the front door opening was heard, and a moment later Lucas walked into the kitchen to find them. Lucas zoomed right in on the apple, and he stepped forward.**

**"You should use a cutting board for that, and that's not the right knife." He informed Maya, taking the knife from her and dropping it into the sink.**

**He looked down at the mutilated apple on the counter, and then noticed something else."What's this?" He pointed to several drops of blood.**

**"I cut my hand with the knife." She explained.**

**"Let me see it." Lucas reached forward, and Maya clenched her hand into a fist.**

**"No!" She protested, trying in vain to pull her hand away from him.**

**Lucas chuckled, as he tried to pry her fingers open, "Let me see it. Is it bad?"**

**Maya relented, and uncurled her hand, wincing in pain.**

**"Hey you cut it pretty deep. Here." Lucas let go of her for a moment, opening a nearby drawer and withdrawing a dish towel. He turned on the faucet, and ran the towel under warm water, before wringing it out, and holding Maya’s hand again. He pressed the towel into her palm, even when she cried out in protest.**

**"Keep applying pressure to it so you don't loose blood." He instructed.He couldn't help but smile as he looked back at the mess she had made out of the simplest task.**

**"You're a disaster." He commented.**

**She smiled, "Hey! I remember a time when you caught the kitchen wall on fire trying to make grilled cheese!"**

 

**"At least I was trying to use the stove." Lucas shot back, "And as I recall I made that grilled cheese for you, to satisfy a pregnancy craving."**

**"Right, it had a very satisfying charcoal taste." She giggled, happy not only to be reminiscing, but to actually be having a pleasant conversation with Lucas, even if it was brief.Lucas smiled too for a moment, but as she feared, his expression slowly morphed, and he looked on solemnly once again.**

**"I have a question to ask you." He said a moment later, once the atmosphere had returned to its appropriate seriousness.**

**He glanced over at Sabrina, "Let me fix her a snack first, and then we can go to the living room to talk."**

 

**A couple of minutes later, once Sabrina was happily munching on goldfish in the kitchen, Lucas and Maya sat down on the couch.**

**"Would you maybe like to stay here tomorrow night and watch her yourself?" Lucas asked her, "I have plans, and normally she would go to my parents, or your parents or stay with Riley and Farkle. But since you've been watching her the past couple afternoons, I thought..."**

**"Sure!" Maya nodded eagerly, "What are the big plans?"**

**"Huh?" Lucas asked.**

**"What do you have planned tomorrow?" She asked again, still smiling, in an effort to keep things as pleasant as they had been a few moments before.**

**"Oh." Lucas cleared his throat, "I kind of have a date."**

 

**"A date?" All traces of a smile were gone from Maya's face in a matter of seconds.**

**"Yeah." Lucas nodded.**

**"Is this an intentional effort to hurt me?" She asked, glaring at him.**

**"No..." Lucas trailed off, "If anything, it's to keep you from hurting me."**

**"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked.**

**"You know what it means Maya. You're already doing it." He sighed, "I don't know what all exactly you came back here for, but if your plans include us getting back together, I need to put them to rest now. I didn't like the way you told me that I was still in love with you yesterday."**

**"So, what, you're going on a date to prove a point to me?" Maya scoffed.**

 

**"No. Honestly, it just sort of happened. But I admit I might not have said yes if I didn't need a distraction from you."**

**"Wait. Some girl asked you out?" Maya felt her veins surge with a primitive territoriality.**

**"Yeah." Lucas purposefully neglected to say more than was necessary.**

**"She must be desperate." Maya shot.**

**Lucas gritted his teeth, "Or maybe she just likes me."**

**"I liked you, and I never asked you out on a date." She pointed out.**

**Lucas smirked, "You practically threw yourself on me the minute you met me. Then asked me out to the movies"**

**"Whatever." Maya, snapped.**

**After a moment, she asked, "So where did you meet the lucky lady?"**

**Lucas sighed, irritated she wouldn't just let the issue go, but he answered her, "She's actually one of Sabrina's teachers."**

**Maya's jaw dropped, "Not Mrs.Berlec!"**

**Lucas shrugged.**

**"She thought I was her grandma!" She exclaimed.**

**"All the more reason to go out with her." Lucas replied dryly.**

**Maya grew silent, letting her body slump back against the couch, "Whatever." She mumbled under her breath.**

**Lucas sighed, noticing she had let the towel drop.**

**"You're bleeding on my couch."**

* * *

 

**_"Oh no! What did you do?" Lucas laughed, waving his hand high in an effort to turn off the smoke alarm.He looked at the burnt dinner she was lifting out of the stove, coughing heavily as ribbons of smoke assaulted her face. She turned to look at him, her cheeks red with embarrassment, and he watched her expression give way to tears._ **

 

**_"Hey!" Lucas rushed over to her, cursing pregnancy hormones in the back of his mind, and wrapped his arms around her._ **

 

**_"No, don't cry." He whispered, rubbing her back gently._ **

 

**_"This kid is going to starve!" She cried, "I can't cook."_ **

 

**_Lucas kissed the top of her head, "You've got plenty of time to figure out how, and if not, we can always live on take out. I was craving chinese tonight anyway."_ **

 

**_Maya stomped her foot, clearly not appeased, "I don't want chinese again!"_ **

 

**_"Tacos?" Lucas offered instead._ **

 

**_"No!" Maya's tears started again, "I don't want chinese. I don't want pizza. I don't want sushi. I want something homemade out of my own kitchen. We can't raise a child on fast food!"_ **

 

**_"Okay. Okay." Lucas stepped forward and hugged her again, "We won't. Give me your apron."_ **

 

**_"Huh?" Maya glanced down at the pink apron she wore, something she had bought for herself in hopes that looking the part of a good cook would actually make her into one._ **

 

**_"Hand it over." Lucas held out his hand, "I'm going to cook tonight."_ **

 

**_"You?" She asked dubiously._ **

 

**_Lucas nodded, "You're not going to have to worry about it, because I'm going to learn to cook."_ **

 

**_Maya untied her apron and handed it over to him, giggling when he tied the pink fabric around his neck and waist._ **

 

**_Lucas surveyed the mess on the stove, and then squinted down at the recipe in the cookbook Maya had laid out._ **

 

**_A moment later he glanced back at her, "Okay. We may want to order take out tonight as a plan B, because I have a pretty good feeling I'm going to mess this up. But I promise you, by the time that baby comes I'll be a world class chef."_ **

 

**_Maya nodded, sniffling, and leaned in to hug him, "Thank you Lucas. You're going to be a great Daddy."_ **

 

**_Lucas smiled and placed an affectionate kiss on her lips, "You'll be a great mother too Maya. I know it."_ **

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might just be about the pictures Maya found in the box.


	15. Chapter 15

   

 

 

      

    

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Zay sighed, grabbing a beer from his fridge while Maya sat at the kitchen table rattling off about the day's earlier events. He snapped the cap off on the counter, and ran a hand through his hair. She had been staying with him since she arrived in New York. She had mostly kept to herself for the past couple of days, but she was gradually starting to feel comfortable around him again, and tonight she had finally been letting loose.**

**"So I'm back for two days, and suddenly he's all over this incredibly stupid girl who's one of Sabrina's teachers, even though if he really liked her he wouldn't be waiting until now to ask her out. I mean he sees her every single afternoon. It's like it's all just to make a point to me."**

 

**"Am I supposed to sympathize with you?" Zay sat down at the table across from where Maya was already seated.**

 

**"You could listen to me vent at least and bite your tongue until I'm through." Maya glanced hopefully up at him, truthfully wishing for at least a little sympathy, even though his tone suggested he was willing to offer her anything but.**

 

**"Fine. So you're complaining about how the husband you walked out on four or five and a half years ago hasn't put his entire life on hold for you." Zay looked pointedly at Maya, who lowered her eyes to the table guiltily.**

 

**"I think enough time has passed that it's all right for him to date again." He added.**

 

**"Oh shut up Zay!" Maya pushed her chair back from the table to give herself enough room to cross her arms, an accompaniment to her sudden haughty pout.**

 

**"What?" He shook his head, "You're angry because you know I'm right."**

 

**"No, I'm upset that I can't get anybody to even give me a chance to talk about how I feel. I did a horrible, awful thing, but that doesn't mean I'm emotionless. I've known Lucas was angry with me. The few times I came back to visit he barely said a word to me. But I guess I somehow got it in my head that when I returned things would go back to normal. I've never seen this side of him before. He used to worship me, and now he treats me like I'm the scum of the earth." Maya slowly uncrossed her arms, "It's just a little shocking."**

 

**Zay was quiet for a moment, looking thoughtful before speaking, "Maybe Lucas's feelings aren't really the ones you should be focusing on."**

**Maya looked up in surprise, "What do you mean?"**

 

**"You have a really great kid..."**

 

**"I know that." Maya cut him off in an austere manner, one that showed she was getting defensive, "I love my daughter."**

 

**"Do you?" Zay couldn't help but ask the question, avoiding her gaze immediately after, knowing it would be fierce.**

 

**"Of course!" The words were insistent, followed by her quietly muttering, "I never stopped."**

 

**"I don't know why you did what you did Maya. But I know that if you want to even attempt to make things right, you should start focusing all of your time on Sabrina." Zay hesitated, but continued, "You know, you're not in high school anymore."**

 

**"What is that supposed to mean?" Maya's face had twisted up into a combination of anger, confusion, and shame, and she sat motionless in her chair, staring at her friends fidgeting hands.**

 

**"Just... this isn't a game. I honestly don't know how you would think that you could just come home and everything would be all right again. You had a child with Lucas. That changes things." Zay sighed and reached forward, grabbing one of Maya's hands, "I know what you're trying to do. But you have to stop. His life stopped revolving around you the day it started revolving around his daughter, and that's not going to change."**

 

**"But I'm the mother of his child." Maya stated weakly.**

**"Technically." Zay muttered.**

 

**Maya swallowed, and tentatively asked, "Do you think I'm a terrible person Zay?"**

 

**Zay sighed, "I've never thought you were a terrible person. But you tend to run away from happiness."**

* * *

 

 

**Lucas opened the door, huffing, quickly turning away from Maya once she greeted him with a smile and a "Hey."**

 

 

**She frowned as he walked away from her, leaving the door open, but she reluctantly walked in the house herself, shutting the door behind her. She followed him back into the kitchen, where Sabrina was seated on the counter, while Lucas placed a large band-aid on her knee.**

 

**"What happened?" Maya stepped into the room.**

 

**"She scraped her knee falling off her bike." Lucas answered, picking Sabrina up off the counter.He turned to Maya, "It's no big deal. I'm just trying to get ready."**

 

**She nodded, and reached her arms out, in an offer to take Sabrina from him. Lucas stared at her outstretched arms for a moment, and then set Sabrina down on the ground instead. As Sabrina ran out of the room to go back outside, Maya slowly let her arms drop to her sides once again, trying not to feel too hurt by the action."I can watch her while you finish getting ready." Maya offered him a smile.**

 

**"Thanks. She's actually supposed to be here in another fifteen minutes." Lucas tried to move past Maya, who frowned, blocking his path.**

 

**"She's coming here?" She raised her eyebrows.**

 

**Lucas shrugged in response, "She knows I have Sabrina, and I wouldn't be able to leave until the babysitter got here, so she offered to meet me here to make things easy."**

 

**Maya stared at Lucas with a pained look, now completely preoccupied with something else entirely.**

**"The babysitter?" She asked, clearly hurt.**

 

**Lucas ran a hand through his hair, "Come on, you know what I meant. I didn't mean to say it; It just came out."**

 

**"I'm her mother." Maya stared down at her feet, "I know I can't be mad at you for not thinking of me that way. But I did carry her around for nine months. I gave birth to her."**

 

**"You did do that." Lucas sighed, "I didn't mean to say babysitter. I'm sorry."**

**"You should go get ready." Her efforts at a smile were a little more forced this time, but she managed, and Lucas nodded, exiting the room, though somewhat reluctantly.**

 

**Maya slowly walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, where the front door to the home was located. She stepped outside, and Sabrina immediately came running towards her.**

 

**"Hi!" Maya smiled, sitting down on the porch steps while the five year old jumped up beside her.**

 

**"Hey." Sabrina smiled, sitting down beside Maya, trying her best to copy her position.**

 

**"Daddy lets me stay up all night on Fridays." The little girl informed her matter of factly. “We talked to Riley and Farkle on the phone. They said they were going to bring me back a souvenir from Philadelphia.”**

 

**Maya smiled softly, remembering how as a child Riley and her parents always brought her gift from their home town. Although this smile turned into a frown a minute later, once her own thoughts lead back to Lucas's 'babysitter' slip-up.**

 

**Sabrina yawned softly when Maya said nothing, and inched herself closer to her mother."Will you read me books tonight?" She asked, softly nudging her head against Maya's arm.**

 

**"Sure." Maya smiled, her heart soaring from the small act of physical affection her daughter was showing by leaning up against her.While she sat smiling to herself, a silver compact car, definitely several years old, came rolling down the street, and parked against the curb in front of the house.**

 

**"Oh great." Maya mumbled flatly, "She's early."**

 

**"Who is?" Sabrina squinted down to the car in confusion, "Who’s that?"**

 

**"One second baby." Maya replied, ignoring Sabrina's questions and instead standing up fully. She walked back in the house, hearing the sound of a car door slam just as she shoved the front door open.**

**"Your bimbo's here." She called up to Lucas.It took less than ten seconds for Lucas to come dashing down the stairs looking horrified. After taking a few frantic looks around the living room his face relaxed again.**

 

**"I thought you said that right in front of her." He explained to Maya, who responded with a careless shrug.**

 

**"I'm going to ask her inside for a couple of minutes while I get you and Sabrina squared away, okay? Please be nice." He pleaded.**

**Maya responded with an eye roll, and shook her head slowly a few times.**

 

**"I'm going to take that as a yes." Lucas muttered, walking outside and leaving her in the house alone.**

 

**Maya sighed and walked further into the living room, sitting down on the couch and waiting while a heavy sense of dread slowly settled in the bottom of her stomach.**

 

**A second later, Lucas, Paris, and Sabrina all walked in the house together, and Maya immediately noticed the confusion written on the little girl's face. Seeing your teachers outside of school was always odd when you were that young, when it never occurred to you that they had lives beyond the classroom. But seeing your teacher in your own home on the weekends was an even bigger shock.**

 

**As the three stepped into the living room, Lucas gestured towards Maya awkwardly.**

**"Um, I believe you met Sabrina's real mother." He continued with the uncomfortable introduction anyway, "This is Maya, and Maya, this is Paris, the teacher from school."**

 

**"I know who she is." Maya replied flatly, ignoring Paris's attempts at a smile and allowing her own frown to remain comfortable on her face.**

 

**"Okay." Lucas clasped his hands, staring down at Maya where she was seated on the couch, "It's Friday, so Sabrina can stay up a little later than usual but I still try to have her in bed around ten."**

 

**He glanced down at his daughter who was now widening her blue eyes and staring up at him with a pleading smile."But, she usually asks to stay up another hour, and I'm weak so I usually say yes."**

 

**Maya smiled, "Okay. In bed at eleven."**

 

**"If she wants to watch a movie, or if she wants you to read to her, Sabrina knows where all that stuff is. Anyway, I guess we're going to head out now..." Lucas made a gesture with his thumb pointing back to the front door.**

 

**"What about dinner? Has she eaten?" Maya asked.**

**Lucas winced, "I forgot about that."He thought for a moment, knowing it was nearly impossible for Maya to boil water, much less cook a meal that a picky five year old would swallow, "Just order a pizza."**

 

**Maya made a face at him for suggesting they get take out instead of letting them cook in the kitchen.**

 

**Lucas quickly caught sight of the look, and snapped, "Or just make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I don't care. Just don't split your hand open with the knife again."**

 

**Maya scowled, and quietly muttered, "Fine."**

 

**Lucas bent down and wrapped his arms around Sabrina, "Be good for Mommy, okay? I'll be home in a few hours."**

 

**Sabrina responded with a nod and a kiss on the cheek, and Maya felt another wave of jealously course through her, wishing she were able to hug her daughter and get the same response.**

 

**Lucas stood up to his full height, and glanced back at Maya, "See you in a little bit."**

 

**"Bye." Paris chirped in softly, sensing Maya's hostility towards her, and afraid to say anymore.Maya responded with a small, unhappy wave, feeling as though a part of her life was officially over once as soon as he walked out the door.**

* * *

 

**"So, you lied about Riley being Sabrina’s mother. Are there any other secrets you've kept hidden? You're not a super hero are you?"**

 

**Lucas tried to smile at his date's small jokes, and softly shook his head.**

 

**"No, and I’m sorry for making you believe Riley was the mother but it just seemed easier at the time."**

 

**"So why'd you kill her?" Paris smiled softly, taking a sip of wine.**

 

**Lucas cleared his throat, "She wasn't ever around anyway. It was just easier to say Riley was her mother."**

 

**"Oh..." It was clear the conversation had taken a serious turn, and Paris responded with a sad smile, "It's funny how people like that can be idolized and made to look so perfect. I guess some of them don't turn into very nice people."**

 

**"I guess she wasn't ever very nice to start with." Lucas sighed softly. A large part of him was hoping she would drop the subject. He didn't ask her out on a date so that he could spend all night talking about the person he was trying to distract himself from.**

 

**But in a way, it was also nice to have someone to talk about Maya to so freely. After she had left, all of his family and friends rarely even dared to mention her name, and it was kind of nice to have a chance to talk about her to an outsider.**

 

**"So why did you marry her?"**

 

**Lucas raised his head, surprised, "What do you mean?"**

 

**"If she's such a bitch, then why choose to be with her for the rest of your life?" Paris shrugged, and Lucas couldn't help but smile softly at her boldness, it reminded him of Maya.**

 

**"Well... She does have some redeeming qualities. She wasn't completely heartless I guess. She could actually be really sweet, when she wanted to be. She made me laugh a lot. And she's really smart. A lot of people don't think so when they meet her. I guess she's so defensive, they just assume she's mean, but she's not. She's a very great friend. Anything you need she will be there for you… ready to protect you from the world... no matter... the lengths... she will do anything to defend her friends."**

 

**Lucas trailed off, and he stared at Paris thoughtfully, "But you're right about people being fooled, and not seeing what’s in front of them. You don't want to be anything like her. She's got a list of personality flaws a mile long, and I've finally realized she can't be fixed. I guess the real reason I married Maya was because she got pregnant. And there really isn't any more to it than that."**

* * *

 

**"Maya?" Lucas called softly as he walked up the stairs of the still house, careful not to be too loud, not wanting to wake Sabrina up.**

 

**"Short-" He stopped as he reached the top of the stairs, spotting the two of them through Sabrina's open bedroom door.**

 

**He walked softly into the room, finding them both asleep on the bed. Sabrina was snuggled under the covers, while Maya was sprawled out on top of them, her head curled in towards her daughter, and a book spread open face down beside her limp hand.**

 

**He couldn't help but smile affectionately at the sight, and despite the rule he had established, insisting Maya go home at night, he reached down and pulled the covers back, gently lifting her legs and placing her under them.**

**She stirred, and he held his breath until she stilled again. Just as he started to turn to leave the room, she lifted her head up, squinting to adjust her eyes to the light.**

 

**"Lucas?"**

 

**He reached for the light switch and turned it off before replying.**

 

 **"Yeah. I'm home. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"** **She softly mumbled something incomprehensible, her eyes already shut again as she quickly drifted back to sleep.**

**Lucas lingered in the doorway for just a minute longer, staring at the two wistfully, and wondering how things might have been.**

  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

 

**Lucas woke up the next morning to the sound of dishes clinking downstairs. He blinked heavily for a moment, surprised Sabrina had gone into the kitchen to attempt to make breakfast herself instead of waking him up like she normally did on the rare occasions she was up before him. Then the memory of the night before flooded back as he became fully conscious, and he remembered that Maya was still there.**

 

**He got out of bed wearing only his boxers, and found a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to slip on before heading down the stairs. He walked through the living room, stopping in the kitchen doorway to observe before entering the room.**

 

**"Daddy!" Sabrina was seated at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal, while Maya leaned over the other side of the counter, propped up by her elbows, while she talked to the little girl.**

 

**Maya jumped when Sabrina announced Lucas's presence, and turned around to face him.**

 

**"Good morning." Lucas said, his voice sounding hoarse from speaking for the first time that day.**

 

**"Morning." Maya gave him a timid smile, not sure if he would still want her in his house this morning.**

 

**Lucas gave her a once over. She was dressed in the same clothes she had worn last night, now wrinkled from having slept in them. Her hair was somewhat flattened compared to the day before, and was sticking up in a place in the back he wasn't sure she knew about. Her eye makeup had smudged down below her eyes, and none seemed to be left in the places she had worn it yesterday.**

 

**He was not sure how she managed to still look so beautiful to him even now.**

 

**"Did you sleep good?" He asked, clearing his throat.**

 

**She nodded, "Yeah. I had a good little sleeping buddy."**

 

**Sabrina grinned, shoving her last bite of cereal into her mouth before jumping down from her seat and running over to the two.**

 

**She looked up at Lucas, "Can we do something together today?"**

 

**"You and me?" He asked, glancing nervously back at Maya.**

 

**"You, me, and Mommy." Sabrina grabbed Maya's hand, swinging it a few times before releasing it again.**

 

**"Um..." Lucas struggled for an excuse, and Maya blushed feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.**

 

**"It's Saturday!" Sabrina exclaimed, "You said you didn't have to work all weekend."**

 

**"I don't." Lucas admitted, at a loss for a reason to give his little girl to avoid the awkward situation, "I guess we could all go somewhere together today. Unless Mommy's busy."**

 

**Maya picked up on the hinting tone in his voice, and knew he would prefer not to spend the day with her, but still hoping to reassemble her broken family, she shook her head."Nope, I'm perfectly happy to spend the day doing whatever you two want." She tried to smile peaceably at Lucas, hoping he would be civil with her today, even if it was only for the sake of Sabrina and not out of any feelings for her.**

 

**"Okay then." Lucas took in a deep breath, and then smiled down at Sabrina, "What do you want to do today?"**

 

**"Go to the zoo?" Sabrina smiled up at him.**

 

**"Alright. The zoo it is." Lucas nodded, still trying to mentally prepare himself for the day ahead of him.**

 

**He looked at Maya, "I guess I'll get me and her ready. If you want to go back to your hotel and clean up, we could meet you there."**

 

**"Zay's." She corrected him.**

 

**"Huh?"**

 

**"I'm not staying at a hotel. I'm staying with Zay." She explained.**

 

**"Oh." Lucas's eyes widened in surprise, even though he chose not to comment on it.**

 

**Zay had been extremely upset when Maya had left as well, and had often had his own two cents to add about her whenever Lucas needed to vent. Lucas knew that zay had spoken to Maya on the phone from time to time, but he wouldn't have thought he would be ready to take her in when she came to visit.**

 

**"I guess I'll go back there and freshen up, and you can call me when you're ready to meet up?" She said.**

 

**"Yeah. That sounds good." Lucas swallowed, and managed to nod, praying he could make it through the day.**

* * *

 

 

**Sabrina's face was pressed up against the glass of the display, staring intensely at a gorilla a few feet away.**

 

**Lucas and Maya hung back watching her, standing just close enough so that their opposite arms occasionally brushed whenever they shifted awkwardly. Maya tilted her head at an angle, looking up at Lucas, and studying his face as he watched Sabrina.**

 

**"What?" He asked gruffly, turning his head to make eye contact with her, which she quickly averted.**

 

**"Nothing." She mumbled, looking straight ahead again.**

 

**"Maya Hunter, is that you?"**

  
  
**Maya stiffened at the sound of a boy screaming her name excitedly across the zoo, and she hoped he would leave her alone soon.**

 

**"You've been recognized." Lucas muttered to her under his breath, rolling his eyes.**

 

**"Shh." She hushed him, still hoping to be left alone. “Just pretend you didn’t hear him.”**

 

**"Maya?"**

 

**Maya reluctantly turned to face Tony, who immediately hugged her.**

 

**"Damn, it’s you!" he exclaimed, hugging her again.**

 

**Maya forced a smile and braced herself as he started talking about their last encounter.**

 

**“So how have you been!" he asked, "I haven’t seen you since college. Can we maybe catch up later?"**

 

**"Sure." She smiled, and  he handed her a pen out of his back pocket and a dirty napkin he had from his churro.**

 

**Maya set the napkin on Lucas's shoulder, feeling herself blush when his heated glare never left Tony. She hastily initialed her number and quickly removed it from Lucas's body, handing it back to him, who kept staring her down.**

 

**"It was nice to meet you ." She stated, smiling and hoping that would be the end of it. “Hopefully we could catch up later.”**

 

**Sabrina had turned around to observe the interaction, and was watching with curiosity as this stranger flirted with her mother in front of her dad.**

 

**"I see you’re still with Friar?" Tony spoke up, picking up on the fact that Lucas grabbed their daughter hand and put his arm around Maya. “How is that going?”**

 

**Maya faltered, glancing back at the two and then at Tony, and thought about making Lucas feel the same amount of jealousy she felt once she saw him with Mrs.Paris Berlec.**

 

**"We’re divorced." The lie slipped off her tongue in an instant, Sabrina still watching her with wide baby blue eyes, and a mouth gaped open. “We’re only together because we had a child together.”**

 

**"Oh." Tony seemed satisfied. “Well when you have time call me.” Once he left Maya turned back around to face Lucas, finding him glaring at her.**

 

**"Fucking bitch." He hissed at her, audible enough for only her to hear.**

 

**"What did you say Daddy?" Sabrina was still staring at the two, realizing the relationship between her two parents had turned unpleasant.**

 

**"Nothing, 'Honey." Lucas called back, "You want to go to the playground now?"**

 

**Sabrina nodded back, and walked slowly back over to the two, not unaware of the heavy tension.**

 

**"She picks up on a lot more than you realize." Lucas informed Maya, the two now seated on a bench while Sabrina ran around the park, laughing with the other children.**

 

**"She looked heartbroken when you said we only tolerate each other because of her."**

 

**Maya felt sharp heat rush to her cheeks, and she hated herself for hurting her daughter.**

 

**"That was an incredibly selfish thing you did." He continued, "I know why you said it, and I know you’re mad at me. But Sabrina didn't need you to break the last bit of hope she had.”**

 

**"Do you think she expect us to get back together?" She asked, feeling the sharp burn of tears beginning to well behind her eyes.**

 

**"I don’t know i’ll talk to her about it." Lucas replied, "And reassure her nothing will change."**

 

**Maya bowed her head, "I'm an awful mother. I always have been. Maybe she would have been better to never know I existed at all."**

 

**"Maya." Lucas swallowed, and thought about the battle of emotions he'd been dealing with since she arrived. He knew he had to reach a resolution; to let go of all the pain and resentment he had harbored for so long, for his daughter's happiness, and for his own peace.**

 

**She looked up at him, and he ran a thumb softly under her right eye, catching the liquid that fell from it.**

 

**"I can't forget what you did, but continuing to resent you so much for it isn't making things any easier on me, and it's not what's best for Sabrina. As much as I can't understand what you did, and as much hurt you cost me and my daughter, I forgive you."**

 

**He let out a shaky breath, and lowered his hand from her face, squeezing one of her hands tightly, "I'm glad that you're here, and Sabrina gets to have you in her life. Just please, please, don't abandon her again. I can tell this time is different, and I don't know why it is, but I know if you just left again Sabrina would be heartbroken, and she'd finally realize the mother she's been missing all this time."**

 

**Maya desperately tried to swallow the painful lump in her throat. At that moment every ounce of shame and remorse she had ever felt for what she had done seemed to be filling her at once, Lucas's hand tightly squeezing her own the only source of comfort for her.**

 

**"I started dating again a few years ago." She didn't look into his eyes, but rather down at their two hands, still connected tightly.**

 

**Lucas squinted down at her, at a loss of words, and extremely confused by the sudden confession.**

 

**"I freaked out, and the first thing that came to my mind was how you were going to react, and if I was a bad person for leaving you when you loved me.." She paused in order to take in a deep breath, which more closely resembled a sob, "And then I thought about our past. How you always had my back and supported me on everything. And how fucked up I was for being with someone else, when I still had a great husband back home.”**

 

**"Do..Do you still have someone else?" He asked.**

 

**Maya shook her head, "No, but after I had spent a couple of days dating all these people, I knew I couldn't just love them because my heart already belong to you. I feel like I needed some alone time to realize I already had what I needed back here. So I booked a plane to New York and here I am.**

 

**"So you had to date others to realize your feelings towards me" Lucas bit his lower lip, feeling a bit preoccupied with one thought. "The idea of you with another guy is driving me crazy." He admitted.**

**"I mean I knew you must have been with other guys, it's just hearing it out loud and knowing for a fact that it's the truth..." He sighed heavily, and was suddenly aware again of his hand over hers in her lap, which was starting to feel awkward.**

 

**"I never ." She murmured quietly. "I only ever loved you, and I never ...with another guy."**

 

**"Then why did you second guess us?" He heard the pouty voice in which he spoke, and he felt himself returning to who he was five years ago, so heartbroken and confused, and willing to do anything to bring her back."I don't understand why you never talked to me. You just up and left, leaving me nothing but a letter. I would have done anything for you, and I tried to make you understand that. I would have followed you anywhere if that's what you wanted. I didn't want you to feel like I was anchoring you down and holding you back from finding your father. And I really didn't want you to run away from our life." He could feel his own eyes beginning to water, in accompany to hers.**

 

**"I wasn’t trying to run away. I was never a natural mother, and I was so young and confused, and you were so much better with the baby. I felt like you were always judging me, disappointed that I just couldn't seem to pick up on it, and I started to wonder if maybe things would be better off for everyone if I wasn't around. I guess I was scared of repeating history that I never stop to realize how my action were going to affect Sabrina, you, Riley, Farkle and everyone else"**

 

**She pointed something else out, "And, it's not like you were chasing me down and begging me to stay, so I thought you might hate me for leaving."**

 

**"I came after you!" Lucas nearly shouted in his exasperation, "You left your phone behind! It was like you didn't want me to be able to contact you, but I still came after you! I read your letter over again around fifty times, took Sabrina's to your mother's, and took a midnight flight out to Kermit immediately. I spent two weeks trying desperately to hunt you down, having no idea where to start in a city with ten million people in it. I contacted all your families to see if you had come there. I spent days literally walking the streets looking for you, thinking that God might send you to me, because he knew that I needed you."**

 

**Lucas stopped for a moment to catch his breath, and Maya's gaze was unbreaking as she stared at him and waited for him to continue, the tears running down her cheeks going unnoticed.**

 

**"After a couple of weeks, I knew I was just being stupid. It was ridiculous to think I would find you by walking through an entire city looking for you like you were a lost dog." He shook his head at his own foolishness, "I needed to get back home to my daughter. I knew one of us had to be there to take care of her. So I booked a flight home. I kept imagining on the way there that you had realized your mistake the day after you left, and immediately come back home. And the two of you would be waiting there for me when I got back, sitting in a chair together. You'd be rocking her, and then the two of us would put her to bed, and I'd kiss you and tell you everything was all right, and I forgave you, and I loved you. But you didn't come back."**

 

**She stared at him, unmoving, as she listened. She wanted to fold into his arms, to wipe away his tears and do everything she could to comfort him, but she was afraid that if she moved, he would snap back to the present and stop talking.**

 

**"I couldn't understand how you were able to live without us week after week, while I never felt like I had the strength to get out of bed in the morning. Every time Sabrina said 'Mama' I thought I was going to break down. I could tell she missed you, even if she was only a baby.**

 

**He brought his eyes back to look at her again, and studied her tears while he spoke, "I never got a chance to tell you before you left, how much I loved you. And I thought maybe if you had realized, you would have stayed. I don't ever think you understood how deeply I felt about you. No guy will ever love a girl as much as I loved you, Maya. It's just not possible."**

 

**She finally leaned forward, placing her lips to his cheek, now wet and sticky from fallen tears, and kissed him once, knowing he probably wouldn't allow much more.**

 

**Withdrawing her face from his again, she looked down, as he finally took his hand away from hers.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Maya remained seated on the bench, looking up at him, somewhat disappointed that he hadn't chosen to return the gesture of affection, even if she hadn't expected him to in the first place.**

 

**"I'm going to get Sabrina. I think it's about time to leave." Lucas cleared his throat awkwardly.**

 

**"Oh okay..." Maya stood up off of the bench, brushing herself against Lucas's side.**

 

**"Do you want to go grab a bite to eat or something?" She smiled up hopefully at him.**

 

**"I think maybe Sabrina and I should just go home." Lucas said.**

 

**"Oh." She cast her eyes down to the pavement, "I was really enjoying spending time with both of you."**

 

**"Well do you want to see her tonight?" Lucas offered.**

 

**"Yes. Maybe we could all-"**

 

**"Not all three of us." Lucas cut her off before she could finish her suggestion, "I have another date tonight, and I was thinking about bringing 'her over to Zay's. You said you're staying with him."**

 

**Maya snorted, "A second date immediately after the first one? It must have gone so well." Her voice rang with a heavy mocking tone that made Lucas roll his eyes.**

 

**"I don't have any free time during the work week and I often work weekends." He explained, "I don't have a lot of time to date, so I'm just utilizing my time the best that I can."**

 

**"Cut the bullshit." She shook her head, "You're trying to show me that you've moved on, and use this woman as a shield or something to keep me away from you."**

 

**"Maya." Lucas sighed, "Look, I have a right to date whomever I choose, whenever I want. The two of us haven't been together for years, and it's clear you've had other relationships since."**

 

**Maya ignored his comment about herself, continuing, "Why are you sending Sabrina to Zay's? I stayed with her last night by myself and did just fine. I could do it again tonight, that way Sabrina can stay at her own home, and the two of us can bond one-on-one some more."**

 

**"Well, Zay and Sabrina are pretty close. He hasn't seen her in a week, so I thought he might like to spend some time with her. Plus, you know, I was thinking that maybe if things went well..." Lucas trailed off, and shrugged, while Maya's jaw dropped.**

 

**"Don't go." She said, a mix between a demand and a plea, "Please."**

 

**She took a step toward him, pressing her body against his slightly, "I want us to spend time together. We were really reconnecting a minute ago, and I miss you like crazy."**

 

**Lucas took a step back, and inhaled deeply, "Maya, I'm all for you building a relationship with my- our daughter, but you and I have no chance of becoming anything more than whatever it is that we are right now."**

 

**Maya shook her head, refusing to believe the statement, "But what about Sabrina?" She grabbed his hand, and looked into his eyes, "Don't you think she deserves a stable family?"**

 

**She was manipulating him again, using his daughter as a pawn to play against him, and Lucas didn't like it one bit.**

 

**"She deserved that years ago, but you took that away from her. I'm going on a date tonight, and you don't have any control over it." He stared down at her, straight in the eyes, and felt a sudden surge of power rush through him.**

 

**Who did she think she was anyway? The way he was towering over her made it suddenly seem laughable that she could have ever dominated him with such confidence in the past. He didn't need to take commands from a ninety-five pound blonde. He didn't need her at all. He had been fine the past few years raising his daughter without her...**

 

**"Mommy!" Sabrina interrupted his mental talk-through by rushing up and thrusting a handful of dandelions towards Maya, "I picked these for you."**

 

**"Aw, thank you baby." Maya took the flowering weeds from her daughter, and ran a hand through her hair.**

 

**Lucas took notice of the way Sabrina stared up at Maya, with the same look of adoration and infatuation she wore when she looked at the drawings. His daughter loved Maya, regardless if she had been absent for the majority of her life, and despite the fact that the person she thought of when she saw her mother, was an image largely a product of Lucas's own letters. It was unconditional.**

 

**Lucas had told Maya he was glad she was here for Sabrina, and he had to mean it. She'd be a part of their lives forever, rather it was as a real, in the flesh person, or as a gaping void that would forever be empty.**

* * *

 

 

**"Sabrina's coming here tonight." Zay smiled at his friend, who had been sulking on the couch for the past thirty minutes, since she had arrived home.**

 

**Things were somewhat awkward between them. Zay had to deal with conflicting emotions having her around him again. On the one hand, he had been incredibly angry with her the past few years since she had walked out on Sabrina and Lucas. He couldn't understand how she could stand to miss one moment of her daughter growing up, and it made him feel distanced from her, even now, when she was staying with him in his home. At the same time, Zay had grown fond of her. He missed her a lot after she left New York, and he longed to rebuild their bond.**

 

**He hadn't gotten much of a chance to address his mixed feelings towards her, since she had spent most of the time she was at his house locked in the guest bedroom by herself. She only seemed to hang around the living room and kitchen areas when she wanted to vent about her own negative emotions regarding Lucas. He wasn't entirely sure why she had begged him to let her stay with him, instead of renting a hotel, considering the two had spent so little time together, although he assumed she might have wanted to be around someone she knew would always love her, a relief after dealing with Lucas's resentment each day.**

 

**"Yeah, Lucas's bringing her over here so he can bring some bimbo over to his house." She grumbled, folding one leg underneath herself.**

 

**"Try not to dwell on what Lucas's doing." Zay sat down beside his friend, "Just be happy you get to spend time with your daughter."**

 

**Maya didn't look at him, continuing to stare ahead of her and frown, and then announced suddenly, "I'm going out."**

 

**"Out?" Zay looked up in shock as Maya suddenly stood up, walking towards the stairs, "Out where."**

 

**"Out." She replied over her shoulder, already stepping onto the landing.**

 

**"Will you back by the time Sabrina gets here?" He yelled back at her.**

 

**She didn't reply, already having reached the second story.**

* * *

 

 

**It was seven when Lucas came by to drop off Sabrina.**

 

**"Hey 'Shortstack!" Zay smiled down at his favorite niece when he opened the door, and while she returned the smile, she was quickly peering over his shoulder looking for somebody else.**

 

**"Where's Mommy?" She looked up at Zay, eyes wide.**

 

**"Uh, she went out to run a few errands. Hopefully she'll be back soon." He tried to sound cheerful, but the little girl immediately looked crestfallen, walking inside and anxiously glancing around, as if Zay might have been lying, and Maya was in the house somewhere.**

 

**"She's not here?" Lucas asked in disbelief.**

 

**"She said she was going 'out.'" Zay lowered his tone, "She's really unhappy about you going out on a date tonight. I don't even know where she went, but maybe she just needs a few hours to be by herself and work through the things that are upsetting her. I think she'll be home pretty soon to spend time with 'Sabrina." He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, hoping it was true.**

 

**"I told Sabrina she was going to be here." Lucas glanced through the doorway into the living room, where Sabrina now sat motionless on the couch, sulking in the same position her mother had not long ago.**

 

**"I'm sorry." Zay didn't know what to say. Maya may have been trying to improve her relationship with Lucas, but she wasn't making herself look good at the moment.**

 

**Lucas glanced back hesitantly at his car in the driveway, "Maybe I should call off tonight and take her back home with me. I don't want her to spend all night here waiting on Maya, and then be disappointed if she doesn't show up."**

 

**"No, it's fine. I'm sure Maya will be back. It's not like she has anywhere else to go. And we'll have plenty of fun just the two of us until she gets here." Zay smiled encouragingly, "Go have fun."**

 

**"All right..." Lucas finally stepped in the house, "Give me a hug before I leave, Sabrina."**

 

**Sabrina stood up and walked over to him, face solemn, "You said Mommy would be here."**

 

**"She will be." Lucas kissed the top of her head, before standing up to his full height, "You two have fun."**

* * *

 

 

**Lucas laughed, pulling the giggling woman to his side.**

 

**"Hang on." He reached into his pocket for his keys, fumbling for his house key for a moment before locating it, and sticking it into the lock.**

 

**"Huh." He felt no resistance when he turned the key, "I must have forgotten to lock the door."**

 

**He shrugged it off, opening the door to his house, met with darkness when he walked inside.**

 

**"Come on." He led Paris into the house, walking into the living room.**

 

**"Lucas?"**

 

**The voice that called out to him while he was fumbling for the light switch sent a chill down his spine, and he jumped, flicking on the light. Maya was walking towards the two of them, her feet stumbling to the right and then the left every couple of steps.**

 

**"Fuck." He muttered. Her car hadn't been parked in the driveway, and he had no idea how she'd ended up at his house at this hour, guessing she must have rented a cab.**

 

**"Hey." She said breathily once she was standing in front of him.**

 

**"Woah." Paris tilted her head back, fanning the strong smell of stale alcohol out of her face.**

 

**"What the hell are you doing here?" Lucas's nostrils flared in anger, while Maya swayed in front of him, appearing to process his question.**

 

**Instead of answering him however, she directed her conversation towards his date, "You came back here on your second date? Slut." She slurred.**

 

**She held up a finger, pointing it accusingly at her, "I would never do that. And Lucas doesn't want a girl who does... who sleeps around... who does that."**

 

**Paris looked too shocked to reply, and Maya turned to look at Lucas again, her face suddenly turning into a grimace.**

 

**"I don't feel good." She rocked back and forth on the four inch heels she was wearing, and looked at him pleadingly.**

 

**"You need to sit down." Lucas spoke to her gently.**

 

**Maya's face twisted again, and then once again anger took form on her features, "Not until I'm finished!"**

 

**"You!" She glared angrily at Paris, "You are ruining everything!"**

 

**She took one threatening step toward her, opening her mouth as if to say something else, and then suddenly fell forward on top of the other girl.**

 

**"Oh gosh." Paris caught her by the shoulders, and Lucas reached over, wrapping his arm around Maya's waist and helping her to stand again.**

 

**"I'm so sorry." He said to his date, who managed to smile tightly and nod.**

 

**"Come on Maya." Lucas reached gingerly behind her knees, lifting her up, and carrying her towards the staircase.**

 

**She mumbled something he couldn't understand, pressing her nose against his collared shirt and sniffing him.**

 

**"Oh God." Lucas set Maya on her feet again once he reached his bedroom.**

 

**"What is wrong with you?" He shouted, grabbing his hair with a fist in frustration.**

 

**Maya looked taken aback, convinced in her drunken state that the gentle way he had handled her meant he was glad she was there.**

 

**"I feel bad." She reminded him, swaying once again, and looking like she might give out if the heels she was wearing weren't removed soon.**

 

**Lucas nodded, letting his hands drop by his sides, knowing there was no use explaining his anger to her now, when her reasoning was impaired and she probably wouldn't remember in the morning anyway.**

 

**He stepped forward, helping her sit down on his bed, and kneeled down at her feet, unbuckling and removing her shoes.**

 

**He stood up again, walking to his dresser and digging through a drawer, pulling out a white cotton t-shirt for her.**

 

**"Here." He spoke gently, "Put this on. I'll be right back."**

 

**He walked back down the stairs, half surprised to find Paris still sitting on his couch, but thankful that she was still there.**

 

**"Hey." He tried to smile at her, trying to look as if he were seeing the humour in the situation, but she returned the gesture with a look of pity.**

 

**"Hey." She stood up, "Somebody does not want you seeing other people..."**

 

**"She's just... a bitch." He mumbled. He could feel his cheeks burning.**

 

**"The two of you obviously have a lot of unresolved issues. I don't want to get caught in the way of anything." She said.**

 

**"You're not. Obviously we have unresolved issues. She's been out of my life for years." Lucas tried to reason with her concerns.**

 

**"Well that's the other thing..." Paris bit down on her bottom lip, hesitating, but continued, "I can't help but wonder why you waited until the week your ex-wife showed up before asking me out on a date."**

 

**"Wife." Lucas muttered, deciding he might as well pull all of the skeletons out of the closet right now.**

 

**"What?" She asked.**

 

**"I'm technically still married." He informed her.**

 

**"Oh." Her voice was low, barely audible.**

 

**"Only because she ran off so fast we never got the chance to get a divorce." He quickly added, "It's not like we still have any marriage to speak of, obviously."**

 

**"Lucas." Paris sighed, "I would really love to go out on another date with you, but I don't want a drunken mom jumping out of the bushes every time I'm out with you. Maybe you should take some time to work through your issues with your," Her eyes bugged for a moment as she said the word, "wife, before we move any further."**

 

**Lucas nodded along, "Yeah, I understand."**

 

**"I had a great time." She finished, "Now go upstairs and make sure she's okay. She wasn't looking so hot a minute ago."**

 

**Lucas shifted on his feet, "I'm really sorry about that. I'm sure she would be extremely embarrassed if she realized.."**

 

**"Don't worry about it." She shrugged with a small laugh, "Now I get to tell people I went out with Lucas Friar."**

 

**Lucas chuckled softly, following her to the door, "Goodnight." He muttered.**

 

**She repeated the word, before walking out, and Lucas shut the door behind her, remembering Maya.**

 

**He walked upstairs and back into his bedroom, finding her in the adjoined bathroom, her arms wrapped tightly around the bottom of the toilet, her forehead rested on the seat.**

 

**"Maya." He said softly.**

 

**She looked up, and groaned, "I threw up."**

 

**He knelt down beside her, noticing that the tag on the t-shirt he had given her was sticking straight out in the back, realizing she had put it on inside out, not that it made any difference.**

 

**"Do you feel better now?" He asked.**

 

**"I don't know." She squinted at him, placing a hand on his cheek, "I don't know why you're being so nice to me."**

 

**"I don't know why either." Lucas agreed.**

 

**He wrapped his arms around her, and picked her up, carrying her back into the bedroom, and laying her down on top of his bed.**

 

**"Here," He pulled back the covers, and helped her get underneath them, throwing the extra pillows off the bed so that her neck wasn't craned.**

 

**She reached for his hand, delicately holding it in her own, "You're not going to leave me up here are you?"**

 

**Lucas faltered, ready to go lay down on the couch alone and wait to pass out and forget about the day.**

 

**"No." He answered.**

 

**"Lay down with me." She looked up at him.**

 

**"Okay." He could feel himself giving into her like he had sworn he wasn't going to do, but she was so helpless and childlike at the moment that he couldn't leave her by herself, and more than anything all he wanted to do was just hold her.**

 

**He kicked off his shoes and pulled back the covers on his own side of the bed, crawling in beside her, forgetting about the fact that he was still fully clothed. He pulled her body into his, wrapping his arms tightly around her.**

 

**He could feel her hot breath against his neck, where her head was cradled against him.**

 

**"Every night, before I go to bed, I say a prayer for the two of you, and say I love you and goodnight."**

 

**He breathed softly, listening to her quiet, drunk voice while she spoke.**

 

**"I always sent things." She was referencing all of the gifts she had mailed over the years to Sabrina, though Lucas had thrown them away.**

 

**"I would go out to buy things for her, and I would always pretend that I was just a normal mother. She was waiting at home for me, and I would hand her the surprise when I got there, and she'd give me a hug. The way she hugs you..." She trailed off, the sound of her and Lucas's breath the only noise in the room for a moment.**

 

**"I didn't even know what she looked like. She's been a different person every time I've seen her. You know those other times I came here, I wanted the same thing I want now. I wanted you to let me stay, and have a family. I want to know there's someone in the world who still loves me..." She was quiet again, Lucas still breathing as softly as possible, listening intently to her, "But I know that's not fair. If I want to be in Sabrina's life again, I have to work for it on my own. I can't expect you to just sweep me into your arms again and make everything all right."**

 

**Lucas swallowed thinking about the position he was in now, "But I want to." He told her, "I want everything to be all right. I want us to be a family." He inhaled, his mind still on the probability that she would forget all conversation that happened tonight in the morning, "I want you."**

 

**"You can have me." She stated simply, "I still love you, and you can have me."**

 

**Lucas shook his head wistfully, "You were supposed to be with Sabrina tonight, and instead you were out somewhere getting trashed. I can't trust that you're going to do what you say you will. I don't know that as soon as things are good again you won't run out on us and break Sabrina's heart. I can't put her on a rollercoaster like that."**

 

**Maya traced shapes into Lucas's chest with her finger, "I feel like I'm stuck in this horrible, endless circle. Everything's awful, and I can't do anything to make it better, so that causes me to do things to make it worse. I've been given so many opportunities to be completely happy, and I always fuck everything up. I'm like the luckiest girl in the world, but everything in my life is so crappy."**

 

**Lucas bowed his head in, smelling her hair, the familiar scents causing memories to flood through his brain, and he closed his eyes, imagining he was still living in those memories, he and Maya.**

 

**"Just pretend that it's five years ago. We live together here, and I'm the happiest man in the whole wide world just to be married to you." He pressed his forehead against hers, holding her body tightly to him, "And you're going to sleep great tonight because you know that I love you, and that there's nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you."**

 

**She was silent for a few minutes, and finally replied, "I hope the baby sleeps through the night."**

 

**Lucas let out a breath, and hugged her tighter, "So do I."**

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Lucas slowly came into consciousness. The first thing he was aware of was the light behind his still shut eyelids, registering that it was morning. Next he felt something heavy pinning his left arm down to the bed, cutting off his circulation. The last sense to awake before he opened his eyes was his hearing. The sound of breathing and occasional light snoring was coming at a steady rhythm beside him.**

 

**He made an effort to open his eyes, squinting in pain for a moment at the bright light that met him. The sight of Maya, her eyes shut, right cheek flattened against the pillow, and mouth open while she slept, jolted him awake. She was still snuggled right against him, looking like she hadn't moved much at all during the night. Lucas stared at her, not sure if he should wake her up now, or let her sleep and try to maneuver his arm out from under her in order to make his own escape.**

 

**While he was contemplating his dilemma, he noticed that a few strands of hair had fallen into her face, chuckling as he watched her suck them into her mouth with each intake of breath. He reached for the hair with his free hand, pulling it away from her face, and tucking it behind her ear. His fingers grazed across her left cheek as he brought his hand back to rest beside him, and he heard her make a slight gasping noise in her sleep. Her eyes began to move rapidly behind her eyelids, and then they suddenly began to flutter, alerting him that she was waking up.**

 

**He felt his heart began to pound, not entirely sure how to deal with the situation. Should he be upset with her? He certainly had a reason to, but then again, he had let her spend the night in his bed last night, perhaps letting the window of time in which it was appropriate to be angry pass. He needed to talk to her, that was for certain, to let her know that she couldn't continue to act so recklessly, and that she should have been at home with Sabrina last night.**

 

**He watched her eyelids finally rise, looking up to make eye contact with him. He held his breath, waiting for her to speak, but she continued to stare at him silently. Then, to his astonishment, she shut her eyes again, moving her body in closer to his, and burying her head in his chest. She let out a small sigh, the only noise he heard her make.**

 

**"Maya?" He spoke to her after a moment, wondering if she had fallen back asleep.**

 

**"Mhm?" She replied, eyes still closed.**

 

**"Uh, shouldn't we get up, and talk?" He asked, suddenly feeling far too close to her.**

 

**He should have had more willpower the night before. He shouldn't have let her sleep in his bed with him, cuddled into his arms no less. Now she could be thinking anything. Maybe that they were back together. She might not remember last night at all. Maybe she thought the two of them had done more than just sleep in his bed together.**

 

**His mind was racing through a million what-ifs and regrets when she replied, "Yeah. I was just trying to pretend for a little bit longer."**

 

**Lucas breathed out loudly through his nose. She remembered last night. He wasn't sure if that was for better or worse.**

 

**She slowly sat up in bed, and reached for her head, "Ow. It's bright in here."**

 

**Her head crashed back onto the pillow, landing on top of Lucas's briefly freed arm again in the process.**

 

**Lucas pulled it out from under her with the necessary force needed, no longer worried about waking her up.**

 

**"Come on downstairs. I'll find some asprin for you and make you some coffee." He stood up, looking down and for the first time remembering he had fallen asleep in his clothes.**

 

**Maya seemed to notice his attire too, crawling out of bed and then glancing down to discover what she was wearing, the t-shirt Lucas had given her to sleep in the night before.**

 

**"Oh. Right." She muttered.**

 

**"If you want, I'll leave so you can get changed back into your clothes from last night." Lucas offered.**

 

**Maya shook her head, "This is much more comfortable."**

 

**"Oh. All right." He gulped, stealing a glance at her long uncovered legs.**

 

**"Unless it makes you uncomfortable." Maya blushed, not used to having to worry about modesty when around Lucas.**

 

**"Nothing I haven't seen before." He replied, turning and walking out of the room.**

 

**Maya followed him downstairs, wincing at the headache that seemed to throb with every step down. Lucas reached the bottom long before her, as she tried to take each stair gently and carefully, and when she reached the kitchen, he already had a glass of water and two pills sitting on the counter for her.**

 

**"Thanks." She sat down on the stool behind it, grabbing both items and quickly popping the pills in her mouth, chasing them down with three gulps of water.**

 

**"Uh huh." Lucas was already withdrawing coffee beans from his cabinet, and she watched him in silence as he set up the coffee maker.**

 

**When he was finished, he turned to her, "I guess we can go ahead and talk while we wait."**

 

**Maya nodded, and then, as Lucas started to open his mouth to speak, she blurted out, "I'm so sorry!"**

 

**Lucas closed his mouth again, standing still, and waiting for her to continue.**

 

**"I screwed your date up, and what's worse I did it on purpose. I don't even know what I did or said. The last thing I remember is being upstairs in our room- your room!" She paused, embarrassed by the blunder, but continued, "I can't even believe you let me stay, but I'm so glad you did, because I needed you last night."**

 

**Lucas stared down at the floor, "Sabrina was so disappointed last night when I dropped her off at Zay's and you weren't there."**

 

**"Oh." A deep crimson blush crept onto Maya's cheeks when she realized she hadn't even thought about her daughter the night before.**

 

**"You're not the child I'm supposed to be taking care of." He stated, "You have a child you don't take care of..."**

 

**"I'm so sorry. I didn't even realize..." She swallowed, realizing that an act she thought had pulled Lucas closer to her, may have just pushed him away even further, "You said Zay wanted to see her, and I just assumed the two of them would be spending time together. I was so preoccupied with the thought of you with another woman. I just couldn't stand it."**

 

**"You couldn't stand the idea of me with someone else?" Lucas exclaimed, suddenly becoming excitable, "Maya you told me yesterday that you started dating again! The thought of that is absolutely sickening to me. I haven't even been with another woman since you left."**

 

**"Never?" Maya could feel her head pounding in pain, made worse by him raising his voice, but she ignored it, overcome with disbelief, "You haven't had sex in five years?"**

 

**"No." Lucas almost felt embarrassed about it, but he knew there was no pointing in lying to her, "Around six months after you left, everyone kept insisting I start dating again. I had several women come upstairs to the bedroom, but that was our bed. No matter how much I tried to rationalize things in my head, I always felt guilty and wrong, like I was cheating on you. I could never go through with it. Eventually I stopped trying to date. I didn't really want anyone else anyway."**

 

**"You didn't love anyone else." Maya corrected, "I promise you, I never did either, but sex is sex."**

 

**"Not to me." He grumbled taking a step back, stung to realize he had been more sentimental about their intimacy than she had, "After I'd slept with someone I loved, to do it with anyone else just wouldn't be the same."**

 

**"Oh." She lowered her head in guilt, "It's human to have desires."**

 

**"Like wanting to be with someone even after she broke your heart and abandoned your daughter?" Lucas mumbled.**

 

**"Lucas..." Maya stood up, walking towards him, and placing a hand on his shoulder, "Stop torturing yourself. I know you're very angry and hurt, but it's clear you still love me, and I still love you. We should be together."**

 

**"I don't love you anymore." Lucas insisted, "I may never be able to get completely over the feelings I had for you in the past. Having you around definitely makes it harder. But I don't want to feel like this about you anymore. I want to be able to move on."**

 

**"If you didn't still love me you would have already moved on." Maya argued, "You would have been with other women. You wouldn't still be so angry with me. And you wouldn't have let me stay here with you last night."**

 

**"I probably shouldn't have done that." Lucas stated.**

 

**"I agree." Her honest compliance startled him slightly, "But you did. I know it's a little late, but I'm back. I've realized that you and Sabrina are the two people I need most in my life. You know you've waited to hear me say that. You don't have to continue to push me away out of principle. Give in a little. You said yourself you wanted to be with me."**

 

**"I want to be with you in a selfish way that neglects what's best for all of us long term." Lucas replied, "But I have the willpower not to do that, because I have to look out for my daughter first."**

 

**"Do you always put Sabrina's needs ahead of your own?" Maya asked softly.**

 

**"One of us has to." He snapped back.**

 

**"Well that's very admirable Lucas, but you seem so unhappy." She placed her other hand on his opposite shoulder as well, now holding him in a strange embrace, "Why don't we take things slow." She ran her hands down to his chest, "We'll spend some time with Sabrina, as a family."**

 

**She ran her hands further down, slipping them underneath his t-shirt, and rubbing them over his abs. He'd lost all feeling everywhere else, along with the ability to protest or think with any sort of logic.**

 

**"Then the two of us can start to spend some alone time together. We can catch up, and reminisce on old times, and I won't let you be so lonely anymore." Her voice had grown softer with each new suggestion, and she finished by tilting her head up, capturing his lips, and for the first time in years, kissing him.**

 

**It took Lucas a moment to register what was happening; to feel Maya's lips moving against his own. Then, instinctively, he began to move his own lips, kissing her back with more and more fervor with each passing second. His hands reached down, grasping her hips, and desperately pulling her into him as close as their bodies would allow, and then he finally had enough thought process beyond physical feeling to take control of what he was doing.**

 

**He roughly pushed her away from him, gasping for air, "I want a divorce."**

 

**Her jaw dropped as she took in his words, and for a moment she stood frozen, in shock of the unexpected proposition. Her face broke, giving way to a sob of desperation, and she hit him hard in his chest with the back of her hand one time, before taking a step back and letting out a loud cry.**

 

**"What am I supposed to do?" She begged through her tears, "How do I make you take me back?"**

 

**Lucas didn't answer, swallowing several times, in an effort to rid himself of the taste of her mouth, feeling ashamed with himself for kissing her back to begin with. He was so weak.**

 

**"Answer me!" She roared, reaching behind herself and grabbing her glass of water, flinging it at him.**

 

**He narrowly dodged the object, and watched it shatter on the floor beneath him, suddenly filled with an eerie feeling, something similar to deja vu. He'd been through this before, watched her throw a fit when something didn't go her way, the few times in their relationship when he hadn't groveled at her feet and refused to give into a ridiculous demand.**

 

**Lucas continued to get lost in his own thoughts, forgetting about the world around him in the present, and this infuriated Maya, desperate for some sort of attention from him, be it good or bad.**

 

**She took a few menacing steps back towards him, and suddenly yelped in pain, looking down at her bare feet, the bottoms of them now penetrated with broken glass.**

 

**She sank down to the floor, still crying, trying to examine her feet, and pry the shards of glass out of them.**

 

**"Maya." Lucas grasped her by the shoulders, lifting her up, and then carrying her into the living room, sitting her down on his couch.**

 

**He sat down beside her, putting her feet in his lap, gently picking out the pieces of glass from her broken skin, while she whimpered, and continued to cry, in her hysterics no longer on the brink of reality.**

 

**He glanced back at her face, watched her glare angrily at him through her tears. She was a child. A hopeless, reckless, misbehaving child. He had aged, matured with the natural progression of time, as well as the somewhat untimely responsibilities that had been thrust upon him. She remained forever a little girl, never ready to deal with more than she had planned for in the ideal world that existed only in her mind.**

 

**When faced with the prospect of a family at twenty years old, he'd known he had to either adjust to the large pending change, or break down. Now, he was well adjusted, and she was well broken.**

 

**She let out a loud coughing sound, choking on the sobs that left her throat at an impossibly fast rate, the tears streaming down her face leaving it red and swollen.**

 

**"You need to stop." He spoke to her gently, "You're getting yourself too worked up over something I simply said in the moment. I don't know why you would care so much anyway. We haven't been married for years as far as anyone other than the state of New York is concerned. Here." He lifted her feet off of him, holding the shards of glass in his other hand.**

 

**"You're fine." He stood up, walking back into the kitchen and dumping the glass into the trashcan. He glanced down at the rest of it, still broken on the kitchen floor, and needing to be swept up.**

 

**"I'll call Zay." He called back into the living room, "He can bring Sabrina home, and come get you."**

 

**Maya didn't answer, lying back on the couch and staring at the ceiling, as her tears began to lull, giving way to shattering doses of self-hatred.**

* * *

 

 

**"We have to tell them," Farkle mumbled, kissing his girlfriend. She ignored him, forcing her way to his lap. She tightened her grip around his waist.**

 

**"Riles," he sighed, flipping them and pushing Riley into their bed. She pouted as he hovered over her. "As much as I love forgetting the world with you, we can't keep this from our friends."**

 

**"We've been doing it for months, can't we just keep it going for a couple more?" She leaned up, barely brushing her lips on his. His eyes instantly shut at the small touch, his body struggling to stay in control. His eyes fluttered open, mad that she had this control over him. She frowned when he didn't immediately press his lips on hers.**

 

**"Riley, cmon," he ran his fingers through her hair. He took in how beautiful she looked with her hair in a halo effect on the bed.**

 

**"You know you're killing the mood," she stated, giving her best puppy dog eyes. He hated the way he always gave in when she put on this act. As much as he hated to admit it, he was whipped.**

 

**He leaned down, pulling her bottom lip in between his teeth. The way her body felt under his was driving him crazy. She intertwined legs with his, pulling him closer. He moved from her lips and kissed across her cheek, finding his way under her jaw and down her neck. She sighed his name, forcing him lag at her collarbone. She jumped underneath him at his teeth grazed her skin.**

 

**He couldn't help but laugh knowing the phone buzzing against his jeans was not going to stop unless he answered Lucas right away.**

 

**"What's. So. Funny?" She gasped, bringing his lips back to hers.**

 

**“Your ex boyfriend keeps calling us and I don’t think he will stop until one of us answers.”**

 

**“You think this is about Maya?” she mumbled, whimpering at the seconds his lips weren't on hers. “UHH,why can’t they fucken work it out and let us enjoy our moment.”**

 

**"You're so adorable when you swear," he whispers on her lips, purposely firing her up with the one compliment she hates. She shoves his shoulder, forcing him on his back. She climbs onto him, straddling his torso. He licked his lips, lazily putting his hands on her waist.**

 

**"I. AM. NOT. ADORABLE." She said in between each kiss. With each kiss, the lower she kissed on his body.**

 

**"Are you sure you're not-" before he could finish the sentence, both their phones began ringing with both their best friends faces appearing on the screen. "Fuck, Riley," he let out, gulping, "I think we have to answer them.”**

 

**"I know, I just wanted to enjoy our moment a little bit longer.” How could he not give in.**

 

**"Okay," he pushed her up against the door, kissing her once again. But pulled back, running his hand through his hair when the phone’s ringtone starting getting louder.**

 

**“Alright, I’m going to talk to him while you talk to her.” Farkle brushed past Riley as he was heading out towards the kitchen.**

 

**“Hello?" She'd answered without looking at the caller id.**

 

**"Honey, he wants a divorce ." It had been years since she'd referred to her as Honey, and she couldn't help but smile at how they easily went back to confiding her problems to her best friend.**

 

**"Maya." She moves around the promise ring Farkle gave her yesterday and it down on the night stand before sitting on their bed. She was glad that Farkle was gone at the moment; she didn't want to break Maya trust by letting him hear all about her problems, although she feels he was going to hear about it through Lucas. "Hey, peaches why don’t you take a deep breath and tell me the problem?"**

 

**“Riles, did you not hear me. Lucas wants a divorce! He doesn’t love me anymore and he’s going to marry that stupid Bimbo he brought last night.”**

 

**“Rewind a little bit, Lucas brought a girl to our apartment. That son of a bitch. He knows better to allow a stranger into our house!”**

 

**“Riley, so not the point. He wants a divorce and last night if I didn’t show up I’m sure he would have…” Maya lips started to quiver all over again, she couldn’t hold back her tears and at this point she stopped trying. She sat back against the couch, hugging her knees to her chest as she heard Lucas talking to someone about her acting like a child.**

 

**“Hey, everything is going to be alright. If you want I’ll convince Farkle to end this trip soon and by tomorrow I’ll be right next to you.”**

**“No, I don’t want to ruin your trip. Farkle has been planning this day since he met you and I am not about to ruin your vacation by throwing my baggage on you.” She shrieked not caring if Lucas heard her across the house.**

 

**“I don’t care Maya you need me and I will not turn my back on you.”**

 

**“Awe, Honey, how did I get so lucky.”  Maya cooed, falling back against the couch.**

 

**“Maya even though you and I had our difference because of Lucas. I still want you to know that I love you and I am always here whenever you need me.”**

 

**“I wish you’d come right now... I feel so stupid….He ask for a divorce right after I kissed him and… I don’t know if it’s because I repulse him.” Maya frowned, lowering her head in shame.**

 

**“ I don’t think Lucas hates you.. I feel he just wants to create distance from you before you hurt him.” She tried to stay away from their problem but hearing how distraught Maya was made Riley rethink everything and decide maybe it was time Maya heard the truth.**

 

**“Well, I hope he forgives me.” Maya says, and she’s not saying what she really wants to, Riley knows. Neither of them are, not yet.**

 

**It’s okay, though, because Maya doesn’t want to talk about Lucas and how immature and stupid it was of him to ask for a divorce, and maybe how stupid it was for him to allow her to believe they could be able to fix their marriage.**

 

**“How’s Farkle?” Maya asks, gulping down her hot coffee, burning her tongue, but she doesn’t wince. It’s a lame question and she hates herself for asking.**

 

**“He’s good.We have been visiting our parents hometown and he decided to take me to a baseball game” Riley shrugs. “ I was really happy when he...**

 

**Maya shakes her head. Classic Riley always trying to hide her happiness to make Maya not feel like shit “Riles. I’ve had enough of this either you tell me what happens or I will call Farkle and ask that little boy genius myself.”**

 

**Riley takes a breath, like she’s bracing herself to break this news. Maya’s heart pounds against her ribcage, nerves coiling deep inside her stomach, like a nest of snakes. Did something happen on their vacation and if so, why didn’t Riley or Farkle call her.**

 

**“Farkle—” _got a new job, broke her heart,won a award, decided they should be friends_!—Proposed.**

 

**The breath Maya’s been holding rushes out as she processes what Riley said. “What?”**

 

**“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks as the moment sinks in. Riley and Farkle are together finally together.**

 

**Riley shrugs, her hands clasped around the edge of the bed. “I guess I was caught up in the moment that I forgot. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I just didn’t want you to….”**

 

**Riley doesn’t know what to say, so she keeps quiet right after she admitted she didn’t want Maya to feel left out.**

 

**“Hey, don’t worry about it… I get it… And if that boy genius ever makes you cry he just might have to answer to me.” Riley actually smiles, leaning against the door frame, while she looks at Farkle talking on the phone with Lucas telling him about them.**

 

**She really is happy and she just hope Maya and Lucas resolve their issue so they could finally be together again… as a family.**

 

**“Hey, Maya i’m going to call you later. And don’t try to make the situation worse than it already is.... Just hang in there.” Maya rolls her eyes at Riley’s comment but mumbles an okay before hanging up.**

* * *

 

 

**“Hey.” Riley appears before Farkle as he checks his messages for the fifth time in five minutes. Lucas has posted a message of pros and cons of Maya being back in their life asking if he should reconsider his choice.**

 

**“Hi,” Farkle says, tucking his phone away. “Did Maya give you the full deets?”**

 

**"Yea, Lucas wants to get a divorce?"**

 

**“I feel terrible but maybe Lucas is right. They need a fresh start and Maya isn’t making this anymore easier.” Farkle says, though deep down he knows at the end Maya might end up hurt with his answer about her relationship with Lucas.**

 

**“That is ridiculous,” Riley says despite the swoop in her stomach. “You take that back right now!”**

 

**There is no way a fresh start is needed Lucas just had to open his heart and let Maya show him how much she loved him after everything that’s happened. For god’s sake, it’s been years. He should never lose faith in their love.**

 

**“Or what?” Farkle asks blandly, pulling Riley against him and kissing her forehead.**

 

**She glares. “Or I’ll hit you.”**

 

**He holds up his hands in defeat. “Okay, I take it back. But seriously—” he says and Riley grimaces. “You don’t think Lucas has a right to be mad. She did leave us and as I recall you said maybe Maya should focus more on Sabrina than Lucas.”**

 

**“Oh shush, Farkle you always supported Maya. What made you change your mind.”**

 

**“I don’t know just thinking about them fighting made me think back on my parents and how they always dragged me down when they fought or pretended to like each other… I guess I don’t want Sabrina to go through what I experienced.”**

 

**Riley stares. “Well that’s not going to happen because first thing tomorrow we are leaving to New York for Sabrina.”**

 

**“Except we still need to finish our vacation.”**

 

**"I love you Farkle."**

 

**"And I love you!"**

 

**She smashes her lips to his the instant that the word leaves his mouth and their kiss isn’t sweet as others had thought it would be, it’s a flurry of limbs and of pulls and pushes, trying to get the other closer as quick as possible.**

 

**His hands aren’t on her waist on anymore they’re in her hair, around her torso, landing finally on her ass again when they stop. Her hands moving from his neck to his hair.**

 

**When they separate, he leans down to touch his forehead to hers. They’re both smiling until Riley begins to laugh. “What?” he asks.**

 

**“I think Maya is calling again,” she breathes out, still giggling, “By this rate we will never finish what we started.”**

 

**He shakes his head at her antics and grabs the phone from her back pocket. “I guess I’m going to have a word with Mrs. Friar.”**

 

**“Hey Maya right now is not a good time.”he'd answered without looking at the caller id.**

 

**“Tell her I’ll call her back later.” She mumbled before kissing his neck. “I really need you right now.”**

 

**"Minkus." It had been years since he'd referred to him in that tone, and he couldn't help but frown knowing Mr. Matthews already is planning his death bed especially when you could hear Riley whisper dirty things to him.**

 

**“Mr. Matthews” he pushed himself away from her and prayed to God Riley’s grandparents didn’t call him once they noticed a big diamond rock on their grandchild’s hand. “How you doing.”**

 

**"Farkle why are you answering my daughters phone and why the hell did I see you on my Tv with my daughter at the Philadelphia Phillies playoff proposing to her without my permission.” Farkle hoped Mr. Matthews was the only one he had to answer but his luck was gone when Topanga mentioned how she hated him for not telling her about his plans with her daughter.**

 

**"Well," he sounded nervous.How could he explain he didn’t think Mr. Matthews was watching them on screen or how he never planned to propose, but did it spontaneously once he saw Riley smile. “ I was going to ask you when Riley and I started dating, but then I forgot to tell you and well I swear I wasn’t planning to propose before I talked to you but I loved Riley.”**

 

**He hoped  the screams he was hearing across the line were interpreted as happy screaming. But with Mr.Matthews you never would know.**

 

**“Minkus pass me my daughter...NOW!”**

 

**"Sure, Riley,”**

 

**Riley sounded mad, but why would she sound mad? Wait…Did Mr. Matthews disagree with his proposal. Did he dislike him for his daughter? No last time Farkle check Mr. Matthews was ready to trade Riley for oxen and his best milking cow.**

 

**"Farkle? Are you still there?" Now she sounded nervous. This could alter everything. The two of them had finally found a good rhythm and this could change everything all over again.**

 

**"Yeah. Yeah, I'm still here Riles." Now or never, Minkus. “What did your dad say about us.”**

 

**She took a deep breath before answering him with a smile on her face. "Although you propose back in middle school and now on Tv my dad wishes you ask for my hand before you’d propose.” She pulls him back into their dark room and grabs an item from the table. “I think we might have to do this again, back home with everybody.”**

 

**“I think I’d like that. Now, where were we.” She sighed, flipping them and pushing Farkle on the bed.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

****

**YES....YES....YES...FARKLE FINALLY PROPOSED!!!!!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you happy about Farkle proposing and how do you feel about Lucas and Maya?


	20. Chapter 20

**"Maya."**

 

**Lucas stepped back into the living room some time later, after cleaning up her mess in the kitchen, calling Farkle upstairs privately, and taking some time to meditate on his own, and think through the events of the past week.**

 

**She sat up, sniffling and wiping away the tears that had already dried on her face, staining it with temporary streaks of discoloration.**

 

**"I didn't want us to have another... confrontation." He stood over her, before hesitantly sitting down on the couch beside her.**

 

**"I shouldn't have freaked out I guess. You're right... about our marriage I mean." She let out a quivering breath, "It's just, we were kissing, and I was so happy, and then you said that."**

 

**"I said it because I kissed you back." Lucas explained.**

 

**"I know." She sighed, and then pointed down at her feet, "I shouldn't have thrown that glass at you. I got what I deserved pretty quickly this time... It's been slow and painful dealing with the consequences of leaving you two."**

 

**"What are we going to do?" Lucas placed a hand on his forehead, closing his eyes for a moment, "We've got to work something out. We can't keep having mini episodes like this. I don't want Sabrina to witness one."**

 

**"Me either." Maya agreed, "I'm sorry."**

 

**"Let's work on just being friends right now, or at least being civil to each other." He suggested.**

 

**"I don't see what it would hurt to spend some time alone together, and try to see if we can make our relationship work." She pleaded the idea yet again.**

 

**"That's just not going to work right now." Lucas answered.**

 

**"But I love you!" Her voice cracked, and she crawled along the couch cushions until she reached him, "I need you Lucas. I wouldn't have come back here if I didn't need you."**

 

**She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her head into his shoulder.**

 

**"You wouldn't have come back here because Sabrina needed you?" Lucas tried again to put things in perspective for her.**

 

**"I would. I did." She insisted, her voice muffled as she continued to cling to his neck, "But I need you to take care of me."**

 

**She tugged on his heart strings a little with the statement, even while his agitation levels peaked. He always had taken care of her. He'd done the cooking and the cleaning, woke her up in the mornings, held her until she fell asleep at night. He'd worked all day while she stayed home, taken care of Sabrina whenever he was home. He'd put up with Maya's temper tantrums, her incessant demanding, always jumped to meet her expectations, no matter how often his efforts fell short in her eyes. He wanted to take care of her, even now; it came naturally to him.**

 

**She crawled into his lap, asking in a pouty whisper, "Hold me?"**

 

**"Okay." He replied, reluctantly, his arms wrapping around her in yet another situation in which his desires overtook all else, "For now."**

* * *

 

 

**Sabrina let herself in through the front door, bursting inside while Zay quickly followed after her. She ran into the living room, and came to a halt, finding not only her father, but her mother as well.**

 

**"Hello?" Zay called out, entering the living room after his niece, also coming to a stop when he found Lucas and Maya on the couch together, "Oh."**

 

**She sat on his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, while Lucas had his arms around her body, the two in an embrace that made Zay remark, "I guess you two made up again."**

 

**Lucas's heart lurched, and he struggled to find words, overcome with more feelings of guilt. On the phone with Farkle he had recalled all events of the morning and night before, though neglecting to mention the kiss that led to their most recent brawl. He felt foolish, sitting on the couch, holding her, after having just vented to Farkle about her never changing, and the frustration he felt towards her childishness.**

 

**"Mommy, you were here?" Sabrina asked, "I would have come home last night if I had known."**

 

**She stopped, and then let out a giggle, "Why are you sitting on Daddy's lap? You're too big."**

 

**"Yeah." Zay spoke up, staring at his friend, "Mommy's acting like a baby."**

 

**Maya glared at Zay, unappreciative of the comment with a deeper meaning. She swung her legs around, and Lucas released her from his arms, allowing her to stand up.**

 

**"We were just hugging." She said to Sabrina.**

 

**Her daughter seemed no longer concerned with her adult mother sitting on her father in a way she herself would. She rushed to her, wrapping her arms around her legs, "I missed you!"**

 

**Maya felt her cheeks warm at the physical act of affection initiated by Sabrina. She beamed, reaching down, and scooping her up into her arms.**

 

**"I missed you too."**

 

**Sabrina wrapped her legs around Maya's hip, and smiled beginning to chatter about how late she had been allowed to stay up the night before, the pictures she had drawn, and the movie she and Uncle Zay had watched.**

 

**"Maya?" Zay looked back at his friend, "Do you and Sabrina want to go upstairs and talk, while Lucas and I talk down here?"**

 

**Maya wasn't happy with the prospect, knowing the two would be talking about her, but she couldn't refuse the offer in front of Sabrina, who was already nodding her head up and down excitedly.**

 

**"Okay." Maya replied, while her five year old was already prattling away with all the things just the two of them could do together up in her room.**

 

**"So," Zay waited until he heard Maya's footsteps above them before talking, "What's going on between the two of you?"**

 

**He sat down on the couch beside him, "You looked pretty cozy when I got here."**

 

**Lucas felt blood rushing to his face, "I have no idea. I don't even want to talk about the fact that I was holding her in my lap when you walked in. I'm trying really hard to keep my distance from her. It's just hard, to suddenly have her so close to me, after years of fantasizing about her coming back... I don't know." He sighed loudly.**

 

**"I'm not judging you. I understand how hard this is for you. And I know how she can be."**

 

**"You mean the fact that Maya acts more like a five year old than Sabrina does?" Lucas clarified.**

 

**"Well, yes, and I'm sure she's said just the right things to make you question if you should even be upset with her." Zay added.**

 

**Lucas nodded in agreement, "She's been talking about how Sabrina deserves a whole family, not a broken one. She keeps insisting I still love her..."**

 

**"Do you?" Zay probed gently.**

 

**Lucas's face twisted into a mixture of pain, anger, and confusion, "I don't know. I'm so angry with her for everything she's done, all she's put me through, and more importantly, everything she hasn't done for Sabrina. But everytime I look at her, I just want to hold her in my arms, and kiss her, and just make everything all right again."**

 

**"You can't rewind time." Zay pointed out, "She will never have not walked out on the two of you, no matter how much time passes. It's either something you forgive her for, and learn to cope with over time, or it's something you can't get past and still have a relationship."**

 

**"What do you think I should do?" Lucas asked turning to look at his best friend.**

 

**"I don't know." He admitted, "That's up to you. You're giving her a chance to develop a relationship with Sabrina, which I think is the most important thing right now. As far as the two of you go, it's up to you to decide what will make you happy. I think you should start by being honest with yourself though. If you're still in love with her, you have to accept it before you're able to move past those feelings."**

 

**Lucas sighed heavily, clenching his fists nervously, as he finally spoke his confession out loud to another person, "I love her so bad it hurts."**

* * *

 

 

_**"Oh my God! Oh my God! Ssh. Ssh. Oh my God!"** _

_**Lucas hurried, following the sounds of Maya's frantic voice, and Sabrina's wails to the nursery.** _

_**"Maya!" He exclaimed, met with the sight of her scooping their infant daughter off of the floor, a place she clearly wasn't intended to be, "What did you do?"** _

_**Maya turned to him, her eyes welling with tears, and looking as though she were about to faint, "I had her on the changing table, and I left her there for just a minute so I could get a new diaper, and she must have rolled off," She stopped to take in a huge gulp of breath, something she must have ran out of entirely at the impossibly fast pace she was speaking at, "I didn't mean to! I don't know what happened! I'm so sorry!"** _

_**Lucas took the still screaming baby from her arms, bouncing her gently in his own, "You have to be more careful! Goddamnit, she's a human baby, not a doll! Do you know how dangerous it is for her to get hurt?"** _

_**Maya bounced nervously on her feet, nodding along as Lucas soothed Sabrina until she hushed. He set her back on the changing table, quickly replacing her diaper, and setting her back inside her crib.** _

_**"How come she does that for you, and not for me?" Maya asked, referring to the baby's content silence.** _

_**Lucas didn't answer, instead placing his hand on the small of his wife's back, and leading her out of the room.** _

_**"I'm so sorry Lucas." She said again, once they were out in the hallway again, "It was an accident I swear!"** _

_**"I know it was an accident Maya, but you can't keep having accidents when it involves the baby! I'm scared to leave her alone with you during the day!"** _

_**"Don't say that." Maya begged, her voice hurt, "I'm her mother."** _

_**"Yeah, and sometimes I feel like I'm the father of both of you." He grumbled.** _

_**She lowered her head, her ego and feelings both wounded, cursing herself for not being a more natural mother, and for repeatedly letting Lucas down in her efforts to become one.** _


	21. Chapter 21

**"This is Elizabeth." Sabrina handed Maya the fourth porcelain doll she had introduced her to, "And this is Belle. She's my favorite."**

 

**Maya smiled, standing up each of the five dolls, leaning them against the wall for support, "Very pretty."**

 

**"Grandma gets them for me. She says you had a bunch of them when you were little, but for the life of her, she can't find where she put them." Sabrina shook her head, briefly taking on the persona of Maya’s mother as she quoted her.**

 

**Maya swallowed, imagining her family watching after her daughter, but never having her around. She wondered if Sabrina filled that gap, took the place of child Maya, and if that made her absence more bearable for her family, or less.**

 

**"Does Grandma talk about me a lot?" She couldn't resist asking.**

 

**Sabrina twirled a curl of the doll she had proclaimed her favorite, wrapped it around her finger, before springing it loose, "Mostly about when you were little like me. She says that I look a lot like you did, 'I got blue eyes like you."**

 

**Maya smiled softly, and reached her hand over, gathering some of Sabrina's hair into her hand, "Your hair looks like mine did, a long time ago."**

 

**Sabrina looked up, and grabbed some of Maya's blonde hair in her hand, "Why'd you change it? You didn't like it?"**

 

**"It looks beautiful on you." Maya was quick to say, "Mommy wasn't as pretty as you are when she was little."**

 

**"That's not what Daddy says." Sabrina argued.**

 

**Maya blushed, and reached down, picking up a doll with long red hair, playing with the frills on the Victorian style gown she wore.**

 

**"Mommy?"**

 

**"Hm?" She replied.**

 

**"Do you love Daddy?" Sabrina turned on her knees to face her, watching her with a solemn expression.**

 

**"Oh." Maya was startled by the question, and struggled with the appropriate answer. After gaping for a moment, she sighed and nodded, deciding a yes was the answer her daughter was hoping for anyway, "Yes. Of course I love Daddy."**

 

**"Oh." Sabrina was silent for a moment, glancing away, "Do you love me?"**

 

**"You?" Maya looked at her, surprised, "Oh, I love you more than anything baby."**

 

**She reached out for the little girl's hand, holding it in her own, "I love you so much."**

 

**"Then, if you love us... how come you don't live with us?" Maya sighed, like she was relieved to have the weight of that question removed from her five year old brain.**

 

**"Well, that's complicated..." Maya struggled for a careful way to explain the situation to her daughter without crushing her.**

 

**"How come I don't ever see you though?" Sabrina continued before giving her a chance to prepare a response, "I don't live with Grandma and Grandpa, or Gammy and Pops, or Uncle Zay, and I see all of them all the time, but I never see you. And everyone else at my school has a Mommy and a Daddy, and some of them don't live together but they still see them on the weekends. And I love you real bad, Mommy, and I want to be with you all the time."**

 

**Maya's eyes welled with guilty tears, and she shook her head slowly, biting them back, "I'm so sorry baby. Mommy's got a real busy job, and she... I haven't been here like I should have."**

 

**Sabrina interrupted again, spilling the things that had apparently been bottled up inside of her, "Drew Collins asked me if my mother was dead, and I said no, she wasn't, my mommy was coming back, and he said I was a liar, and he told all the boys, and they teased me about it at recess until a teacher made them stop."**

 

**Maya blew a long stream of air out through her lips. She hated herself. She really, really hated herself.**

 

**Sabrina shuffled on her knees, closer to her mother, reaching up and wrapping her arms gently around her neck, "I just want you to stay with me forever Mommy. I want to live with you, and play with you every day. I love you a whole lot."**

 

**Maya reached her arms around, hugging her daughter tightly, "I love you too."**

 

**"So can I?" Sabrina asked.**

 

**"Huh?" Maya leaned back again, to look at her little girl's face.**

 

**"Can I live with you?" Sabrina licked her lips, staring at Maya hopefully.**

 

  **"You live with your Daddy. I know you don't want to leave him." Maya swallowed the lump in her throat.**

 

**"You could move in here with me and Daddy just like Riley and Farkle did." Sabrina explained, "Since you love us, and we love you."**

 

**"Well, there are grown up matters that you don't understand that make that impossible right now." Maya spoke slowly.**

 

**"Is it because you and Daddy don't get along?" Sabrina kept her arms wrapped around Maya's neck, but leaned back, allowing her to look at her face, "That's why Cecilia's parents don't live together any more. But she still lives with her Mommy and goes to her Daddy's on Saturday's. I never ever see you."**

 

**"I promise, you don't have to worry about that anymore baby." Maya assured her, "I'm going to be around a lot more."**

 

**Sabrina didn't seem satisfied, but sensing that was the best she was going to get at the moment, she let go of maya's neck, sliding to the right to once again put distance between them, and picking up another doll.**

* * *

 

 

**"Don't let her know." Zay said, after a long pause of silence, "Not until you know for sure what you want to do about this... situation."**

 

**Lucas had to chuckle at his friend quickness to throw Maya into the dark, but he understood why before Zay even explained it.**

 

**"If she knows without a doubt that you're still in love with her, she'll have you kissing her feet and apologizing for ever even being angry with her in the first place before the day's over. She's already got you holding her in your arms again." Zay shook his head, sliding Lucas a frustrated, and slightly disappointed, frown, "I just want the two of you to be able to really talk through things and come up with some solutions before she's fully got her hold on you again."**

 

**Zay said "again," like Maya's manipulation and control of Lucas was an eventual inevitable, and it made Lucas's cheeks burn to realize that Zay had already witnessed his weakness when he walked in on him holding his tormentor in his lap, as if she were the one who had her heart terribly broken and had been left by herself to raise their child.**

 

**Lucas shook his head, "I have no goddamn idea why she keeps making me feel sorry for her. This is all her fault, but somehow... It's like she's just as broken up about it as I am, and I keep wondering if maybe it's even worse to go through this kind of pain if you know you're the one who brought it all on yourself."**

 

**"That may be true, but she still left you here to raise her child, while she was off living a fantasy life." Zay reminded him, "You were angry enough to spit on her last week, and she's already starting to bend the way you think."**

 

**"It's just... being around her." Lucas let his head fall back on the cushion, "I can't help but want to hold her and make everything all right again. I still love her."**

 

**"I understand." Zay said gently.**

 

**"And she's right, about Sabrina needing a mother in her life, even if it's a little late..." Lucas continued.**

 

**"You need to make her earn those rights back." Zay stated, "She's a child. If she thinks you're going to take care of her, and let her walk all over you again, she will. If you want to reassemble your family, I think the first step is Maya working on her relationship with her daughter."**

 

**"Me too." Lucas agreed, "She keeps asking me to spend some alone time with just her."**

 

**"I think the two of you need to spend some time together with your daughter." Zay suggested.**

 

**"We did that yesterday. She told a fling we tolerated each other because of Sabrina when he asked if we were married." Lucas frowned, growing upset again as he thought about it.**

 

**Zay winced, "Did Sabrina hear?"**

 

**"Yep." Lucas sighed.**

 

**"That's great." Zay mumbled under his breath, as if he were speaking to himself and not Lucas.**

 

**"I don't think she'll slip up like that again, though." Lucas added in, "She seemed really sorry once I made her realize how Sabrina hopes one day we would be a family again."**

 

**"But you did have to point it out to her." Zay clarified, "Maya has a brain, she just refuses to use it."**

 

**"I always thought she was smart." Lucas muttered under his breath, more to himself than to Zay.**

 

**"She's intelligent enough." Zay granted him, "It's common sense she lacks. That and the ability to feel like a real human being."**

 

**"She's cried enough since she's been here."**

 

**"I wouldn't doubt there'd be plenty of reasons to, but watch out. She can cry on command." Zay warned him.**

 

**"I know. But I can tell the difference." Lucas said, hoping that statement still hold true, even given her increased acting experience in the past years.**

* * *

 

 

**Maya and Sabrina walked back down the stairs sometime later, when Sabrina was tired of being confined in her room, and had started to whine to be taken outside.**

 

**"Ready to go?" Zay asked Maya, standing up from the couch, "Where's your car? I'll take you to go get it."**

 

**"Actually, Sabrina wants to go outside and play..." Maya said, "And I was kind of hoping to talk alone with Lucas for a while before we go."**

 

**She saw Zay turn back and shoot Lucas a pointed look, communicating to him something she had not been a part of. Lucas stood up from the couch as well, stepping forward.**

 

**"Maybe Sabrina's uncle could play outside with her for a bit, while Mommy and Daddy talk?"**

 

**Zay rolled his eyes at Maya’s phrasing of the request.**

 

**"That's fine." Lucas spoke up.**

 

**Zay looked back at him, made eye contact, and Lucas nodded, to ensure him he wouldn't mind being left alone with Maya again.**

 

**"Okay then." He smiled down at Sabrina, "Want me to push you on the swingset?"**

**Sabrina glanced up at Maya wistfully, clearly having assumed she would be the one to take her outside, but she nodded reluctantly. Reaching out, she suddenly hugged Zay's leg, feeling guilty for pouting the entire night before when Maya failed to come home, while he had desperately tried to entertain her.**

 

**"Come on sweetheart." Zay understood all of these feelings without verbal communication, an expert on his five year old niece.**

 

**Lucas and Maya remained quiet, waiting until Zay and Sabrina had left, shutting the door behind themselves. A heavy silence hung in the air for several drawn on seconds afterwards, until Maya broke it with a small sound of grievance, almost a whimper.**

 

**Lucas looked at her with concern for a moment, but then straightened his face again, remembering Zay's advice on resisting pitying her.**

 

**"Sabrina asked me to move in here." Maya started, jumping directly into the issue on her mind.**

 

**Lucas scoffed, "Well unfortunately for you, our five year old is not the one with her name on the mortgage, and I'm certainly not asking you that question."**

 

**"I know that Lucas." She spoke to him in a soft tone, "She was asking me a lot of painful questions though, about my..." She searched for a word that she could manage to say out loud.**

 

**"Reckless abandonment?" Lucas offered up helpfully.**

 

**She cringed, holding her eyes closed for a moment, "I'm just so tired and miserable from thinking about it that way."**

 

**"I know." Lucas let out a breath, with it softening his body language and facial expression as well.**

 

**"I have to go back to work eventually." Maya brought up the subject for the first time, one Lucas had been fearing since she had arrived.**

 

**"Yeah?" He held his breath, waiting for her to explain what that would entail.**

 

**"I mean, obviously I'm in between jobs right now when it comes to art. But I’m sure we could work something out."**

 

**"So what does that mean?" Lucas's nostrils flared as he gazed at her intently, "You'll be gone again."**

 

**"No, but I got a job offer in Paris for a few months." She said, making him relax slightly in relief, even though he knew that once she was gone out of his everyday life again, he would have to deal with the heartbreak all over again.**

 

**"I don't suppose you've changed your mind in the past half hour, and decided you do still want to be my husband?Maybe go visit Paris?" She bit her lip, smiling slightly as if she knew the whole thing were a joke, but was still surviving off of the hope of his reply.**

 

**Lucas swallowed, searching for the answer. What did he want?**

 

**"We both know we can't just pick up our marriage off the floor again after all this time, and try to carry it on like nothing ever changed. I think that would hurt us both."**

 

**Maya let out a shaky breath, "Okay... Well then I was thinking, if I take the job, maybe we can work out an arrangement with Sabrina."**

 

**The hair on Lucas's neck prickled, "An arrangement?"**

 

**Maya nodded, "Like maybe she lives with you for half of the year... and she lives with me the other half?"**

 

**Lucas's sanity slipped in the time it took for him to imagine six months without waking up every morning to the sight of his little girl, and coming home every evening with her chatting to him in the car.**

 

**"No!" He yelled it so loudly, so adamantly, that Maya briefly brought a hand up to her face, shielding herself from the anger in his voice.**

 

**"Absolutely not! You think you can just show up here after years of not giving a fuck, and take my daughter away from me? You wouldn't even know how to be a parent! How is that even a stable environment for Sabrina? She's supposed to go to one school one semester, and another the next? She'll never make any lasting friendships." Lucas inhaled, not even knowing how to stop the flow of words coming out of his mouth at an impossibly fast rate.**

 

**"You don't understand. I am her home. You're the glamorous girl she's built up in her imagination; a fantasy. You're not a real mother, Maya. She may tell you she wants to live with you, but she also asked me to drop her off at an orphanage after she watched Annie. She needs me. I can't live without her. I just can't. You can't take her." Lucas felt the anger towards Maya that had been slowly melting refilling to the brim.**

 

**He hated her. How could she possibly ask him to do something like that, after all she had put him through?**

 

**"Then how am I supposed to ever build a real relationship with her Lucas?" Maya pleaded, "You say I'm not her real mother, but I want to be. I'll never get that chance if you don't give it to me."**

 

**"I can't live half of my life without my child." Lucas shook his head, suddenly feeling the urge to vomit.**

 

**"Lucas, I really want to have a mother daughter relationship with her. You can't expect me to never work again, and just live with Zay for for the rest of my life?" She tried to reason with him.**

 

**"There's no way." Lucas was not even looking at her, as if the mere sight was repulsive, "I've raised her for years. You try to pull any shit now, I'll take you to court."**

 

**"Court?" She looked at him in shock, "Are you threatening me? I thought you wanted me in her life again."**

 

**"I don't want her out of mine in order for that to happen. I'll take you to court, and you don't have a chance in hell of custody rights, because you haven't been a parent to her at all up until now." He spoke the words, hoping they were true, or at least enough to make Maya back off the idea she had proposed.**

 

**"Are you kidding me?" She sneered, "I could give her everything she ever dreamed. Send her to exclusive private school. Not to mention the lawyers that I could afford, would win my case even if I had been proven guilty of murder. I think you'd be wiser to settle things with me now instead."**

 

**Lucas watched her, soaking in her words that had dawned on him with the horrific realization that they were true. Although Topanga might never take the case considering she knew about their previous relationship. But even if she did Sabrina didn’t deserve to see her parents hate each other.**

**"Take her." He spat.**

 

**"What?" Maya blinked for a moment, surprised to have him relent so easily.**

 

**"You ruined my life." Lucas's jaw was barred tight, and he looked her level in the eyes, "You're of the devil. The only good thing you ever did for me was giving Sabrina, and now you want to take her. So go ahead."**

 

**"No." Maya relaxed her posture, feeling deeply ashamed, "We can talk this out. I'm just trying to figure out some way to make all of this work."**

 

**"And you did." Lucas nodded, "So let's do it."**

 

**"It's never been my intention to make you unhappy." She stepped toward him, placing a hand on his broad chest, and leaving it there even while he shot her the dirtiest of glares, "I want us to work things out. I want all three of us to be together... Maybe you could come with me?"**

 

**"I have a job too." Lucas pointed out.**

 

**"You could get a new one?" She suggested, watching his stare grow angrier still.**

 

**"Sabrina's entire family is here. I don't want to pull her away from the people she loves."**

 

**Maya lowered her eyes to the ground, "I'm not here."**

 

**"That's your fault." Lucas reminded her yet again.**

 

**She nodded, blinking back fresh tears, "Everything just seems so impossible. You don't want to budge even a little bit. I can't do anything to improve my relationship with you, and I don't know how I'm ever going to get the chance to be a normal mother.."**

 

**"So let's do it then." Lucas shrugged, "Let's play air hockey with the kid, and knock her back and forth between the two of us."**

 

**"Lucas." Maya sighed, "It wouldn't really be that bad, would it? She'd get two parents that love her, and ample time to bond with us both."**

 

**"You don't understand, because you've lived without her all this time." He argued, "You can imagine living without her for six months, but I couldn't do that."**

 

**"Then let's raise her together!" She pleaded, "Let's be together! I love you Sundance. I know you still love me. You say you're looking out for Sabrina first. Don't you think the best thing for her would be to have two loving parents under one roof?"**

 

**Lucas remained still, staring at her, but refusing to answer her question.**

 

**"Let it go Hopalong." She reached for his hands, grabbing them and holding on tight. He didn't pull away, but remained stiff and silent, watching her carefully.**

 

**"I know I did an awful, awful thing. It's done. Forgive me." She brought his hands up to her chest, holding them against her heart, and looking him steady in the eyes, "Please, let me back in."**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  



	22. Chapter 22

_**"I promise to always love you, unconditionally. You're my other half of my heart; the one who makes me whole."** _

 

_**The church filled with smiles, as Lucas finished his vows. Maya stood across from him at the altar, her long white dress flowing to the floor, draping over her baby bump, one of her hands placed unconsciously over it while she listened to him, the other hand grasped inside of his own.** _

 

**"I'm so happy to be standing up here with you today."**

 

_**She swallowed, nodding, her head swimming, overwhelmed with different thoughts and emotions. She was too young to be up here. She loved Lucas, she truly did; she wouldn't mind taking these vows with him one day in the future. But now, barely no longer a teenager? She would never have the chance to discover herself alone. Her entire life would now be dedicated to someone else: the tiny creature growing inside of her. As much as she loved Lucas, and as much as she had fantasized of one day standing up here with him, she was terrified.** _

 

_**She barely heard the words the minister was speaking, until she felt Lucas lock eyes with her.** _

_**"I do."** _

_**She smiled at him, and nodded, hearing her mother's distinct voice let out an, "Aww."** _

 

_**"And Maya, do you take this man..."** _

 

_**His voice faded out again. She stared straight into Lucas's eyes, mentally chanting words of love towards him. She could do this. Everything happened for a reason. She was meant to stay in New York, raise this child, and live with Lucas. She had a nice, handsome man to take care of her now. That was what her mother had always wanted for her anyway.** _

 

_**"What about your dreams?" She had asked him once, hoping maybe he would show her some sort of doubt in their decision, a similar disappointment to match what she had been bottling up inside, and make her feel less guilty for it.** _

_**"You're all I need Maya." He had told her firmly, placing a hand on her growing tummy, "My job now is to take care of you and our baby."** _

_**"Oh." She just couldn't voice her own concerns to him. It wouldn't be fair to him after all he was so selflessly giving up.** _

_**"...In sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?"** _

_**She could feel the eyes of all the wedding guests on her, her bridesmaids inhaling with anticipation. Lucas squeezed her hand tightly, a thumb trailing over her knuckle, a small comforting gesture. Was it possible he sensed her anxiety, that he knew about her feelings of sacrifice and obligation?** _

_**She took a deep breath, staring him straight in the eyes, and spoke in a calm, level voice, "I do."** _

* * *

 

 

**"Let me back in."**

 

**Lucas's heart was pounding at the words, "You... you have to drain the water before you can tear down the dam." He winced at his lame word choice, needing a comparison to make her understand how he felt. He wanted to do all she asked, but he knew it wasn't time. If he did, it would cause a disaster, he was sure of it.**

 

**Maya squinted her eyes at him, "What? Are you throwing metaphors at me now? Ranger Rick, I just want an honest, straight-forward answer about the way you feel about me right now and the future we could have together."**

 

**Lucas sighed, "All right. Fine. You want the truth? Of course I still want to be married to you. I want us to be living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed; I want us to be the two parents Sabrina has to wake up to every morning. Yes, I want all of that, but not... not now, like this."**

 

**"What you want Lucas is for me to have never left, for us to still be living in the fantasy world where you pretended everything was perfect." Maya finished for him, "But I'll never be able to undo what I did. We have to move on from it and make some definite decisions about which direction to take for the future."**

 

**Lucas shook his head, holding up his hand to stop her, wanting to back track a couple of statements, "The fantasy world where I pretended everything was perfect?"**

 

**Maya nodded, "If I was unhappy, you just ignored it, hoping whatever it was would just go away."**

 

**"You mean how I pretended I didn't notice you were a terrible mother, hoping that one day I'd wake up and you wouldn't be?" Lucas snapped, his voice rattling with anger, "Instead I woke up one day and you were just gone."**

 

**"You knew I was struggling with raising a baby, and you never wanted to talk about it." Maya defended her point, "You knew I was hurting, but you didn't want to acknowledge it, because that would mean accepting that things weren't falling into your perfect plan. Do you remember? The entire time I was pregnant, and I started to worry about not being a good mother, you would tell me that everything would be fine; as soon as I had that baby in my arms, I would know what to do. But that's not what happened, and you resented me for it, didn't you? You hated that I just couldn't be the perfect housewife!"**

 

**"The perfect housewife?" Lucas scoffed in disbelief, "Maya you always were, and always will be, worlds apart from June Cleaver. I knew that. All I wanted you to do was bond with Sabrina, and love her. You hardly ever picked her up!"**

 

**"It's called postpartum depression!" She shouted.**

 

**Lucas fell silent, "You never said anything about that."**

 

**"The doctor said the first step towards healing was confiding in my spouse about the feelings I was having. But I couldn't. You already judged me so much..." She let out a sigh, a talk that had been put off for years finally addressed.**

 

**"Maya, I loved you. I loved you so much. Anything you needed to talk to me about, I would have listened, and I would have understood." Lucas insisted, "You're accusing me of ignoring problems, but you literally ran away from them!"**

 

**"I know!" Maya seemed to visibly break, shoulders drooping, her eyes filling with tears, "I'm just so tired of you hating me for all that I did. I always do something to top the last, and I don't even mean to."**

 

**"Maya, I don't hate you." Lucas said sincerely, "You make me angrier than anybody else I've ever met, but it's not because I hate you. It's because I love you more than anything; because you're able to hurt me more than anyone else ever could."**

 

**He sighed. So much for Zay's advice. Maya looked at him in shock, and overwhelming relief, and suddenly came at him with a kiss so hard on the mouth he thought she must have bruised his lips.**

 

**He grabbed her by the shoulders, firmly pushing her off of him again.**

 

**"Oh Lucas." She buried her head into his chest, hugging her arms tightly around his torso, "Why did I mess this up. I knew I wasn’t good enough for you."**

 

**Lucas looked away from her, focusing his eyes on a random spot on the wall ahead, "Maya stop."**

 

**"No, I have to repair my wrongs!" Maya insisted, "I don't have to make you love me again, I just have to make you trust me again! I can do that Lucas, I can." She nodded resolutely.**

 

**"I don't know that you can..." He trailed off, but Maya didn't seem to hear.**

 

**"Let me stay here tonight?" She looked up at him hopefully, her blue eyes sparkling.**

 

**"What?" Lucas felt lightheaded, already regretting his confession to her. Zay was right, and he hadn't listened.**

 

**"Let me stay here with you, and Sabrina. We could go out tonight, like a little family, and then you and I could stay up talking, and figure something out about how we're going to share her." She cocked her head to the side, the way she did whenever she asked for favors.**

 

**"I don't... Maya..." Lucas could feel himself breaking, "Okay."**

 

**"Oh, Lucas." Maya breathed, leaning in to hug him again, "I love you so much. Never stopped. I'm so happy that you’re letting me fix my wrongs."**

**There were a million things Lucas needed to make her understand, the same things he had been trying to stress to her since her arrival. That just because he still had undeniable feelings for her, didn't mean that their marriage could be repaired. That he was still deeply hurt by what she did. That she had a minimal contact relationship with her daughter up until this point, that needed to be fixed before anything else could.**

 

**But he was growing weaker, and the time had come for him to start carefully choosing his battles, less she defeat him entirely before the week was over. His biggest priority was Sabrina, and making sure he got to stay with her and be the father he had been up until this point. If granting Maya some alone time with him was what it took to ensure this, he was more than willing to do so.**

* * *

 

 

**"Have you seen Topanga or my grandmother?" Sabrina looked at the waiter, frowning at them, when they shook their head at her and mentioned their grandmother left for vacation and Topanga is upstairs.**

**"Maya." Lucas whispered under his breath, "Why did you choose this place? You haven’t even talked to your mother since you came back."**

 

**"Lucas, please don’t bring up Katy." She answered, "I came here to hear my daughter sing and we used to go on dates here sometimes."**

 

**"Yes." Lucas said through gritted teeth, "But you still haven’t talked to any of them since you came back. How do you think Topanga is going to react."**

 

**He gestured around to the stairs, almost a few feet away lived the owner of the cafe and her husband. "And I don't think there's anything you could say that will make them feel better."**

 

**The waiter was still standing at the table, "If you want I could call Topanga for you," He offered.**

 

**"Yes, Please." Sabrina pleaded.**

 

**"No, we wouldn’t want to disturb her!"**

 

**Lucas nodded, wishing that Sabrina didn’t have to see her mom explode on Topanga for lying and who knows what else.**

 

**He listened to Maya talk about about how they use to spend their days here in the cafe drinking coffee and stealing muffins.**

 

**Lucas smiled at Sabrina, seated across from him and Maya, Maya of course being the one to choose to sit down beside him.**

 

**"So you’re going to sing tonight. Yeah!" He exclaimed eagerly, as Sabrina still looked less than happy.**

 

**"Yeah..." She sighed, "When are we going to say hi to Topanga?"**

 

**"After you've finished your dinner, of course." Maya answered with a fake smile.**

 

**“Maya” Topanaga lips trembled but she was able to yell out the blonde beauty’s name “You came back. I knew you would come back. Oh God I’m so sorry for lying to you. I just didn’t have it in my heart to hurt you then Cory told me how you left and I just...Oh God… I’m so sorry.”**

 

**She might’ve swore she would never speak to any of them ever again but once she heard ;Topanaga Maya immediately lost it; she flew across the table and found herself caught in those two familiar arms of the women who taught her to love herself. Maya heard her rage sob seep into Topanga shoulders as she kept apologizing.**

 

**“Oh God, Maya,” she whispered we missed you.**

 

**“I miss you too. I wanted to apologize for breaking my promise to Mr.Matthews is he here by the way.”**

 

**“He’s upstairs sulking about Riley and Farkle getting together. I’m sure he will get over it and come downstairs, but I expect you to visit us whenever you get the chance.”**

 

**“Topanga, mommy came to hear me sing today.” Sabrina said cheerfully**

 

**“Really, and what are you planning on playing.”**

 

**“Voice within by Christina Aguilera, my mom use to sing it to me whenever I cried.” She could feel the eyes of Lucas on her. She remembered how she used to sing this lullaby when Lucas was off working and never having time for them.**

 

**She took a deep breath, staring him straight in the eyes, “Hey, Sabrina why don’t you go get ready...It looks like you’re next.”**

 

**Sabrina kisses her mother cheeks and runs off with Topanga right behind.**

 

**Lucas felt silent, “I’m sorry for everything.”**

 

**“Don’t...Please...Don’t..I just want to hear my daughter sing.”**

* * *

 

 

**"What are we gonna do next?"**

 

**"Go home and go to bed." Lucas answered, "You've got school tomorrow."**

 

**"Do I have to go?" Sabrina whined.**

 

**"Do you have to?" Lucas looked at her, surprised, "You love going to school, that's where you get to play with all your friends."**

 

**"But I'd rather play at home with Mommy." The little girl replied, resting her cheeks on her fists, propped up on the table.**

 

**"We could have a little girls' day out tomorrow." Maya quickly spoke up, smiling and winking at her daughter.**

 

**Lucas turned to her, irritated, "I just said, she has school."**

 

**"Oh come on hopalong, she can have a little vacation day here and there." She argued, "It's just pre-school. She probably would be staying home with me during the day if I lived here anyway."**

 

**Lucas stared Maya down, trying unsuccessfully to mentally send her a rule they had already established, 'Don't contradict my parenting in front of her.' Maya smiled blankly back, and he sighed.**

 

**"Fine." He turned to their daughter, "It looks like you're staying home with Mommy tomorrow!"**

 

**"Yay!" Sabrina cheered.**

 

**Maya giggled and spent the rest of the time waiting for their food talking to Sabrina about getting manicures and going shopping. Lucas couldn't help but smile, realizing Sabrina was about to experience her first mother daughter day, something monumental for her, he was sure.**

 

**"Goodnight baby." Maya kissed her daughter on the forehead, while Lucas hung back, standing a few feet away from the bed. It felt a little awkward for her to be in there, helping him put their daughter to bed, even if it was something he had dreamed about for so long.**

 

**"Goodnight Mommy." She wrapped her arms around Maya's neck, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.**

 

**"'Night." Lucas stepped forward to kiss the top of her head, before stepping back again, towards the light switch.**

 

**"'Night Daddy."**

 

**Maya smiled, and walked out of the room, Lucas turning the light off and following after her, pulling the bedroom door with him.**

 

**"Leave the door cracked!" Sabrina called out.**

 

**Lucas complied, then turned to Maya.**

 

**"So, what now?" He asked, fidgeting with his belt loop, feeling uncomfortable to be left alone with her in his house at night, while she was sober anyway.**

 

**"I actually am in bad need of a shower." She replied, "Do you mind if I..."**

 

**"Oh, no, go ahead!" Lucas cleared his throat, "You can use the one in my bedroom. I mean the one in my bedroom's bathroom! Well, you know where it is. You lived here..."**

 

**Maya smiled gently and nodded, turning away, and then quickly spinning back around, "Towels?"**

 

**"I'll get you a clean one!" Lucas rushed past her and into the bathroom's linen closet, "Here."**

 

**"Could I borrow that t-shirt again tonight?" She bit her lip, "I guess I should have driven back to Zay's to get some things after he took me to get my car."**

 

**"That's okay." Lucas said, "You can borrow anything you need from me. And you can always drive back there for a change of clothes in the morning, before Sabrina and you have your little girls' day."**

 

**He cleared his throat, "I'll let you get cleaned up now. I'll just be in here." He gestured to his bedroom, and Maya nodded with a giggle, before closing the door.**

 

**Lucas sat down on the foot of his bed, sighing, and removing his shoes. He didn't know at all how to feel about the night so far. He wanted her gone out of his house completely, and yet at the same time, he couldn't even stand the current distance from her, with door closed in the in-suite bathroom.**

 

**He fell back on the bed, his upper torso relaxed on the mattress, while his knees were hooked over the edge, his feet still planted on the ground. He closed his eyes for a minute, needing a moment to stop thinking so much about consequences and the future, and just relax...**

 

**"Lucas?"**

**He jumped when he heard Maya's voice, and sat up, realizing the shower water was no longer running. He had been in some deep trance, not quite like sleep, and had briefly been unaware of time or the things going on around him.**

 

**He sat up, greeted by the sight of Maya standing in his bedroom, a towel wrapped around her body, tousled damp hair framing her face. Lucas could almost feel a groan escaping from his lips, but he caught himself, and stifled it.**

 

**"That t-shirt?" She reminded him.**

 

**Lucas tried to swallow, finding that his mouth had gone entirely dry, and managed to nod.**

 

**He stood up, walking to his dresser, and opened a drawer, finding a new one for her, "Here."**

 

**Maya smiled with gratitude, taking it from him with one hand, the other still grasping her towel, in case the loose wrap suddenly decided to come loose, and reveal herself in front of Lucas. Lucas stared at her, waiting for her to walk away, wanting her to be dressed again, so that he could clear his head.**

 

**She stepped away a few feet, turning her back to him, "Don't look." She muttered softly with a small chuckle. She wasn't sure why the formality seemed necessary, when Lucas had seen her naked so many times in the past.**

 

**"I won't." He muttered. He sat down on the bed again, his back towards hers. He meant what he said, and willed himself not to turn around.**

 

**She let out a small sound, clearing her throat, and he looked back behind his shoulder before he could control himself. She had just dropped her towel on the ground below her, and was sliding her arms through the sleeves of the oversized shirt. His eyes ran down her bare back, stopping at her bottom. She had always been small, but now she was so curvy that the shirt didn’t hide much. His eyes raked down her thick legs, almost toned now, and pretty, like they always had been.**

 

**The t-shirt fell down around her body as she lifted her arms in the air, covering her down to just below her bottom. She must have felt his eyes on her, because she turned around, immediately locking eye contact with him, and Lucas turned his head back around, feeling ashamed.**

 

**"Lucas?" She stepped towards him, and he felt the bed creak when she sat down behind him.**

 

**"Hm?" He asked, refusing to turn around again until his cheeks were no longer flushed.**

 

**"Were you watching me?" She asked, her warm breath tickling the back of his neck when she spoke.**

 

**"Do you have to sit so damn close to me?" He snapped, scooting down a foot to the right, "Give me some personal space. And no! I mean, yes, but I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, "You're too fat!"**

 

**"Fat?" She sounded wounded, and her own cheeks turned red with embarrassment. She had assumed he was watching her with desire, only to hear him say that her body was less than adequate.**

 

**"You’re like a bull." He grumbled.**

 

**She blinked a few times, in disbelief and hurt, and then let her gaze fall down to the comforter beneath her, "You're a jack ass."**

 

**"You still are a little short stack of pancakes." He shot back, not really sure why he was acting like such a jerk. At least if he was fighting with her, he wouldn't have to worry about her getting to close to him, or trying to seduce him.**

 

**She didn't respond to his most recent insult, crossing her legs and sitting on the bed with her back turned away from him. She had thought he would want her, and instead she suddenly felt undesirable and unattractive, foreign emotions for her. She dropped her head down, closing her eyes and breathing rhythmically, waiting for him to apologize, and hopefully, take back what he said.**

 

**"It's just..."**

 

**She took in a breath as he spoke up, slightly lifting her head, still facing away from him.**

 

**"I just don't understand why you try so hard. I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world, and I always hated it every time you changed something about yourself." He tried to explain, feeling guilty already.**

 

**"Oh." This wasn't exactly the apology she was hoping for, and she wasn't sure how to react.**

 

**"Why'd you change?" He asked, staring at her back and waiting for her to look at him again.**

 

**She turned around slightly, "I always hated myself. My personality wasn’t that great.Everyone says so. I’m still myself."**

 

**"I liked the old you." Lucas mumbled.**

 

**"So I'm horribly unattractive now?" She asked him, rolling her eyes in anger. She shifted her body around to look at him.**

 

**"No." He sounded almost irritated, "I'm just as aware as you are of how beautiful you still are, and always will be."**

 

**She crawled towards him on the bed, laying herself down beside him, on her side so that she could look at his face, "Thank you."**

 

**"I don't mean to keep acting like such an asshole." Lucas shifted his gaze from the wall across from him, to Maya, "It just keeps happening."**

 

**"It's okay." Maya murmured, even though it was growing tiresome, and was hurting her more than she would have liked to admit, "You've had a lot to be upset about."**

 

**"Right..." Lucas  looked up, watching her eyes as they stared intensely back at him, suddenly registering her look.**

 

**"Maybe I should head downstairs." He said quickly, "I'll just crash on the couch tonight, and let you get some rest."**

 

**"No!" She grabbed for him before he could sit up, and arm locking tightly around his body, "Stay here with me."**

 

**"Maya..." He struggled to find words, as she lifted her upper body up off the bed, staring down at him.**

 

**"You still find me attractive, don't you?" She asked him. He knew what she was doing, but she asked the question with a tugging note of insecurity in her voice that made him feel obligated to answer.**

 

**"Yes. Of course. You're beautiful Maya."**

 

**"And you still love me..." She was breathing heavily, and she lowered her-self again, this time her chest pressed against his.**

 

**"Maya, we cant." He grunted.**

 

**He inhaled the scent of her freshly washed hair. The smooth skin of the palm of her hand was rubbing against his stubble, as she stroked his cheek. He could feel her soft breasts, unconcealed under his t-shirt, pressed up against his chest. She was looking up at him, smiling sweetly, and his eyes were quickly getting lost in hers. They were the richest shade of blue he'd ever seen.**

 

**His senses were overwhelmed by her, and he couldn't find the strength within him to push her away.**

 

**She leaned up, her lips hovering less than an inch away from his, her hot breath trailing down into his mouth as he opened it, hushing his futile effort to protest, this time before the words even had a chance to leave his mouth.**

 

**"Make love to me."**


	23. Chapter 23

**"Make love to me." The words had left her mouth, sending Lucas into a whirlwind. It was the one thing he wanted above all else, yet more than anything, he wanted to be able to resist.**

 

**His head was spinning, "Maya, you know we can't do that."**

 

**"Why not?" Her face remained only inches from his own, all of him still completely overtaken by her presence, "I love you Lucas. I need you."**

 

**It was his fantasy. For so long he had dreamed she would return to him, that she would be lying in his bed with him and speaking these words. Before he was able to rationalize and think better of it, he had engulfed her in a kiss, his arms wrapping tightly around her.**

 

**"I love you so much." He murmured, his head now completely clouded with his love and lust, and nothing else,"I can't believe you're actually here."**

 

**His lips were everywhere, kissing her forehead, her hair, her neck, her shoulders; every part of her he could reach was being attacked with kisses of desperate affection.**

 

**His head had been fighting viciously with his heart, and now his reproductive system had joined the battle. Even still, he managed to tear his lips away from her, and put up another fight.**

 

**"No, really, we shouldn't do this." He looked at her pleadingly in the eyes, begging her to free him, "I can't think straight. This isn't what I want."**

 

**Maya ignored his look of desperation, "It's what I want," She answered, capturing his lips in hers again.**

 

**Gone again, Lucas's hands were roaming across her back, feeling her body through her t-shirt. It was so surreal that she was even here, and he was certain he had to be dreaming. His hands travelled further down, stopping at her bottom, and gripping it tightly. She had him. He couldn't fight her. The only way he could get away from her now was if she let him, which she clearly was not going to do.**

 

**Her hands were across his chest, unbuttoning his shirt quickly, and flinging it off of him. She sat up, straddling his body, causing him to stifle a moan when the full pressure of her body was placed on his stomach.**

 

**Her hands reached down, gripping the bottom of the t-shirt that concealed her, and she slowly lifted it off of herself, Lucas's breath catching as he was suddenly staring at her naked body, his eyes pooling with lust and need.**

 

**His arms extended again, before he had a chance to process their movement, and his hands were traveling up and down her stomach and hips, cherishing every inch of smooth silky skin.**

 

**"Stay with me." He begged her, "Just stay right here with me forever."**

 

**Maya didn't answer, but reached down for Lucas's hands, gently taking them, and pulling them up to her breasts, placing them on them and holding them there, waiting for him to take initiative again.**

 

**Lucas moved his hands, massaging them gently, staring up into her sweet face. He loved her. He loved her so much and he needed something out of this. He had lost almost all control of the situation in a matter of moments, but he found his voice again somehow.**

 

**"Maya, please. Please say you will." He wrapped his arms around her lower torso, pulling her down against him again, and then rolling her over and under the covers, so that they were both on their sides.**

 

**He held her tight and stared into her eyes, waiting for some response.**

 

**"I'll always love you." She answered, kissing him lightly.**

 

**It wasn't what he'd asked of her, and he was almost angry again.**

 

**Feeling defeated, he decided to try for something else, "No matter what, you've always got to be around for her."**

 

**Maya breathed out, "You've always got to be here for me."**

 

**Lucas kissed her again, his tongue making contact with her and sending a thousand shivers coursing through him. Her lips were so soft and she tasted like fresh strawberries. He always would be here for her. No matter what she did, even if she left him again, his heart would always belong to her and both of them knew it.**

 

**As he processed these thoughts, her hands were below the covers, and he felt her reaching for his belt, undoing it in a hurry, while her fingers quickly unbuttoned his jeans. Never in the past had they ever moved this fast. He had always liked to take his time, exploring her every time they made love as if it were all brand new; making contact with every inch of her body.**

 

**She had his pants down in such a practiced, careless sweep, and he felt like they’d done this too many times in the past. He couldn't stand for her to go through the motions with him. He needed to be more to her than a potential for orgasm.**

 

**"Maya." He grabbed her face in his hands, cupping her cheeks in his palms and looking deep into her eyes, "This is you and me."**

 

**She seemed to understand what he was communicating, because she stilled, and her hands stopped. She leaned in to him, pressing her face into his neck.**

 

**"I love you so much. And I need to be loved by you too. I just want to be the center of your universe again." She found a spot she knew he liked and sucked at it gently, while his hands stroked softly through her hair.**

 

**"Maya I start everyday off thinking of you, and end it the same way. Even when I'm asleep, I'm dreaming about you." He kissed the top of her head, again filled with the same feeling. He couldn't believe he was about to make her his again, after all this time.**

 

**"You'll always be the only one for me." He concluded, "I can't move on."**

 

**"I love you." She repeated, kissing him again before he finally plunged himself into her.**

 

**Then, he was inside of her, moving slowly and sweetly, connected to her again, meshed into one being. He pulled her close, her chest tight against his so that they could feel each other's heart beats, fast and pounding.**

 

**To be this close to her after so much time, to love her so intimately and express again all he never could in words; he could almost cry.**

 

**Her eyelids had closed, but they fluttered rapidly while she moaned in pleasure. His hands were rubbing over all the right spots on the outside of her body, and he did his best to move inside of her the right way; to remember all the motions and movements he had used to please her in the past. He was glad to hear her groaning and panting as an indicator of satisfaction, but he needed to have her eyes look into his.**

 

**"Maya," He breathed out, nuzzling her cheek, "Look at me, please."**

 

**Her eyes flew open, and she grabbed for him, her hands tensing over the muscles in his back. Her eyes were lit with fire and passion, the same as he could feel behind his own.**

 

**"Huckleberry." she moaned his name, staring deeply into his eyes like he requested, even though instinct commanded her to block all but the pleasure out.**

 

**He was beginning to feel like he couldn't last any longer. After such a long period of time never being with a woman, it was hard not to give in to the incredible pleasure he was experiencing.**

 

**Maya seemed to sense this, and reached forward, running a hand along his face, "It's okay. Let go."**

 

**It was perhaps the first act of true selflessness she had shown to him since she had arrived, and his heart fluttered, always willing to count her acts of kindness for much more than they were worth. Even still, he was determined, and this only made him all the more so.**

 

**His thumb rubbed furiously at that tender bundle of nerves, until she cursed at him and was unable to stop herself from shutting her eyes again, babbling out words of encouragement, begging him never to stop.**

 

**When he finally felt her letting go, he exploded in ecstasy himself, shouting her name and clutching her as close to him as humanly possible, holding her tight against his body until they both came down from their highs and their heart beats gradually slowed.**

 

**"I love you so much." He wasn't sure how many times he said the words, but they continued to come out of his mouth between the kisses he was placing all over her face.**

 

**She sighed in content, as he finally reached over, turning off the light and encasing them in darkness, holding her tight in his arms. He shut out all thoughts of worry, reason, and regret from his mind, focusing instead on the rhythmic sounds of Maya's soft breathing, as they both fell fast into needed sleep.**

* * *

 

 

**Lucas woke up in the morning without his alarm, the memories of the night before flooding back into his mind in as short an amount of time as it took him to register the feeling of Maya's sleeping body in his arms.**

 

**He kissed the top of her head, before slowly easing her out of his arms. For a moment, he felt nothing but contentment, and an overwhelming amount of love for the blonde in his bed. But once he was standing above her, looking down as she slept, a sickening dread crept back into his brain, and his heart began to pound with fear for the consequences he might face, now that he had fully given into her.**

 

**Lucas shuddered to realize that at one point in his life, years ago in high school, she had been the sparkly thing he had sought after. While she never truly cared to give him the time of day. What if she decided to leave him once she realizes Lucas was never the one she wanted.**

 

**His deeply rooted insecurities, planted after she had run off and left him began to pose a new question: What if Maya never had truly loved him at all? Maybe she had only ever loved the idea of him. Once she truly had him, marriage papers and all, she may have realized he was not at all what she had imagined him to be. Maybe now she was only so convincing in her confessions of love to him because she had once again wanted what Cory and Topanga had.**

 

**Sometimes he wanted to kick himself for ever falling in love with her. He should have gone to Texas like he'd planned, Maya should have been out of his life as soon as soon as he had moved on to college.**

 

**But then, he reminded himself, he never would have had Sabrina. As soon as his idea of Maya became once again the mother of his one and only cherished child, he was never able to regret their past. A million maybes and what if's could never change the fact that he and Maya had once created a life together, and no matter what she did, he could never stop loving her for what she had given him.**

* * *

 

 

**“Mommy”**

 

**Maya squinted, sitting up in bed.**

 

**I'm up." Sabrina announced, standing in Lucas's bedroom, her hair curled and tangled and still dressed in her night gown, but her blue eyes already wide awake.**

 

**"Oh." Maya blinked.**

 

**Never before had she been woken in the morning by her daughter in a form other than infant cries. Maya was saddened to realize this, the way she often had been since her arrival, every time she witnessed Sabrina doing something new.**

 

**Maya clutched the covers tightly around herself, shielding her still naked body. She fished around her for Lucas's t-shirt, until she spotted it on the floor beside the bed, and quickly reached down for it, slipping it on under the covers before getting out of bed.**

 

**"All right baby." She leaned down, picking Sabrina up with a slight groan, "Let's get you ready, and then Mommy's going to have to head over to Uncle Zay's to take care of herself."**

 

**She spotted herself in the hall mirror as she walked back towards her daughter's bedroom and let out a groan, "My hair is a sight."**

 

 **“For once I would agree with you,”** **Riley says, and she’s not saying what she really wants to,not when Sabrina is present in the room.**

 

**“So,” Maya says, looking around the room as if trying to find a topic to fix the awkwardness. Riley isn’t sure there is one. “Tell me about Philadelphia,” she says at last. “Was it amazing?”**

 

**Philadelphia. Riley can talk about that. She takes a seat on the bed but jumps up immediately once her hand land on Maya’s attire. Gosh she really needed to talk to Maya about making good choices.**

 

**“Yeah, it was,” she admits. “I went to this really awesome game and Farkle just popped the question on the kiss cam.”**

 

**“Figured it was about time. That boys been in love with you since the first grade.”**

 

**Riley doesn’t say anything for a moment but laughs at the memory of Farkle chasing after them for all those years.**

 

**“Aunt Riley you want to go shopping with us to pick out your dress.” Sabrina asked as they start walking towards the kitchen.**

 

**“Of course, baby girl I could never say no to you. Plus Mommy has to help me pick out your dress along with hers.”**

 

**“Are you asking me to be your bridesmaid?”**

 

**“Sort of,” Riley says. “Do you accept?”**

 

**“You know I’m your best friend, honey, and I will be by your side every step of the way.”**

* * *

 

 

**A couple of hours later, Maya, Sabrina, and Riley were standing in the largest mall in New York, still fairly crowded even though it was noon on a Monday. Sabrina was clutching Maya's hand tightly, as they sorted through the children's section of a department store.**

 

**"This." Sabrina let go of her mother's hand to reach towards a sparkling pink skirt hung on the wall, pointing at it when she couldn't reach on her own.**

 

**Maya and Riley chuckled at the likeness of her tastes, she might be Maya daughter but you could tell Sabrina over the year had more of Riley’s fashion taste.**

 

**"And that!" Sabrina had already spotted another display dress that was equally as pleasing to her five year old clothing preferences, "Oh, and those."**

 

**Sometime later they had managed their way through trying clothes on Sabrina, a process made difficult by her daughter's short attention span, lack of patience, and greater willingness to dance around the dressing room than to stand still in an outfit for a long enough time to assess if it fit properly in all areas.**

 

**Once they had several shopping bags filled with the clothes they had decided did in fact fit Sabrina, her next challenge had been coaxing Sabrina through her first manicure. The five year old had requested pink nails, but was convinced  to try a little french manicure instead. This led to tears of confusion once she discovered, "They only colored in the tips!"**

 

**The disappointment was quickly smoothed over once she realized her mother and Riley had the same style, and the next trial of patience was sitting Sabrina down with her hands under the dryer, and begging her to resist pulling them out, and touching them, as enticing as this was due to their fresh shine.**

 

**By the time they had left the nail place, Maya was already feeling exhausted, and she chose to pull Riley into a bride store next,Where Riley had to browse for her future dress.**

 

**Riley picked out several dresses almost as long as her body, before Maya stepped in again, holding up a pair of other dresses in hopes of distracting her from the poofy-inappropriate fairy tale dresses in her hands.**

 

**"How about these?"**

 

**Riley shook her head adamantly, "I can't wear tight dresses. I feel fat in them.”**

 

**Maya could already imagine how long they will take looking for a dress, Riley usually is very picky with her choices. “Okay, well what would you like.”**

 

 **“I don’t know how did you pick your wedding dress.” Riley** **asks as they head toward other dresses.**

 

**Maya glances at her with a shrug. “Honestly, I never really cared about the dress. I only focus on Lucas and how my future would be with him. Although in the back of my mind I wished I had my best friend by my side.”**

 

**Riley moves her gaze to Maya, though, too serious.“Well, now you have me and Sabrina.”**

 

**"That's right Mommy. You have me."**


	24. Chapter 24

**“I slept with Maya last night."**

 

**"You know, most people don't call to say that to somebody they want to remain friends with."** **Lucas let out a small sigh into the phone, relieved to hear Zay lightening the mood rather than jumping straight into the inevitable lecture after he had completely disregarded his advice from the day before.**

 

**"So, you lasted a week?" Zay continued, "If we're being honest, I didn't think you'd make it this long."**

 

**"I'm pretty weak, huh?" Lucas could feel his cheeks reddening, but in all truth, he appreciated Zay's dependable honesty whenever they discussed things. It was what had made it so easy for the two to continue their friendship.**

 

**"Yes, you are, in the way that any guy in love is." Zay sighed, "Unfortunately, you don't have any guy's circumstances."**

 

**"What does this mean?" Lucas asked him, his left hand gripped tight on the steering wheel while his right held his phone to his ear. He was driving home from work and had no idea how to act around Maya now.**

 

**"Well, how do you feel about it?" Zay answered, "Do you regret it?"**

 

**"I don't know." Lucas admitted, "I mean, yes, I wish I wouldn't have given into her so soon. I feel like I've lost all control in a matter of 48 hours... But I love her."He thought for a moment, Zay patiently waiting in silence on the other end of the line, sensing Lucas needed a moment to sort things out.**

 

**"Maybe I should go home and act like it didn't even happen." He finally suggested, "Maybe that will shock her enough to reeling back a little and going back to your place tonight."**

 

**"How well did ignoring the issue work out for the two of you in the past?" Zay hoped he was not rubbing salt in Lucas's ever-present wounds over Maya's leaving, but he felt the point needed to be made.**

 

**"Terrible." Lucas sighed, "Okay. Then I'll sit her down privately later to discuss it, and decide where this leaves us."**

 

**"Be fully honest with her. I can't guarantee she'll pay you the same courtesy, but at least you might encourage her."**

 

**"Thanks." Lucas wiped away perspiration forming on his forehead, a product of his anxiety, "I'll talk to you later."**

 

**"Good luck."**

* * *

 

**Daddy's home!" Maya exclaimed to Sabrina, smiling through the window. Sabrina ran up to join her, peering through the window to verify this report, before opening the front door, and heading outside to greet him. Maya followed behind her, smiling nervously, not sure how he would treat her this afternoon. She was scared that if he did regret the night before, he might grow cold and defensive towards her, and if he did not, he might suddenly expect more from her than she was able to give at the moment.**

 

**"Hey!" Lucas smiled down at Sabrina, picking her up to hug her, "Did you have a good day with Mommy and Riley?"**

 

**"Mmm hmm." Sabrina nodded her head up and down, "Look!" She held out her manicured nails, and Lucas smiled, nodding in appreciation.**

 

**"And," Sabrina tucked her hair behind her ears, "I got my ears pierced!"**

 

**"Oh..." Lucas set her back down on the ground, and for the first time looked at Maya, who hung in the background, watching him with apprehension.**

 

**Lucas took a step towards her, "That's a responsibility, you have to clean them daily, and what if they get infected?"**

 

**Maya rolled her eyes, "You've proved to me that you're pretty much super Dad. I doubt you'll forget to clean her ears."**

 

**Lucas smiled slightly, "I think you should be the one to take care of them since you decided to take her to get them done without telling me."**

 

**"Oh... Okay." Maya let out a breath of relief, "Although Riley came up with the idea."**

 

**"Somehow I find that hard to believe. So did you guys do anything else today?" He watched Sabrina, running away from them, back towards the house.**

 

**Maya nodded, "Shopping. I hope you like her new wardrobe. "**

 

**Lucas chuckled softly, choosing to ignore mild fears of Maya morphing his little girl into a miniature rebel, deciding instead to be happy the two were bonding, and focus on the more important issues between the two of them.**

 

**His face shifted to a solemn one, "We're going to have to talk."**

 

**"I know." Maya glanced over at Sabrina, who was already on the porch, watching the two from a distance.**

 

**"Tonight after I put her to bed, the two of us can sit down and discuss all we need to." He decided fully talking things out would be the best way for the two to reach an agreement about their current relationship, future plans, and the relation between all of it and their daughter.**

 

**"Okay." Maya agreed, chewing on her bottom lip while watching him with apprehension, "Are we... I mean, was last night a one-time thing, or...?"**

 

**Lucas shook his head, declining to talk it over now, "We'll talk about all of that tonight."**

* * *

 

**So," Lucas sat down at the kitchen table. It was nine forty-five, Sabrina had just been put to bed, and since Farkle and Riley decided to buy a house of their own to let them figure their problem out Lucas now had to face the pending talk with Maya that he had been anticipating with an equal amount of impatience and dread all night.**

 

**Maya stared at him, standing on her feet, finding it a little too formal that they were about to have a table discussion. After he gestured to the chair in front of him, however, she decided to play along and took her designated seat.**

 

**Lucas was silent for a moment, and she was not sure if he was collecting his thoughts, or if he wanted her to speak first. Either way, she had something else on her mind, before they moved on to the looming issues.**

 

**"Can I keep Sabrina with me tomorrow too?" She asked, looking at Lucas hopefully.**

 

**Lucas blinked, "You can pick her up in the afternoon at the preschool."**

 

**"No, I mean, I want to stay with her all day, like today." Maya tapped her manicured nails on the tabletop, waiting for his answer.**

 

**"No." Lucas shook his head, "I want her to go to school tomorrow."**

 

**"Why?" Maya did not give in, "I liked spending the day with her today. It made me feel like..."**

 

**"A mother?" Lucas finished for her, "Maya, you can't be a stay at home mom unless you're actually a stay at home mom."**

 

**Maya furrowed her brow, shaking her head in confusion, "Um, no shit?"**

 

**Lucas sighed, "What I mean is, you can't do this for a week like you're playing house. I want Sabrina to fall too far out of routine when I don't really know how long you're planning on sticking around. I guess that's really what we need to talk about first."**

 

**"Can't we talk about you and me first?" Maya tried instead. She reached across the table, placing her hands on his, "Last night was amazing."**

 

**"Okay, fine." Lucas compiled, "But I want you to tell me, right now, if my consent were already granted, what do you want?"**

 

**"As far as you and I go?" She clarified.**

 

**Lucas nodded, "And Sabrina."**

 

**"I'd want you and I to be together, and live together with Sabrina back with my dad." She said.**

 

**"Okay..." Lucas sighed, rubbing his temples, "I just don't know Maya. Clearly, I don't think it's a good idea for us to be living together at this very moment. I don't want us to be fighting all the time in front of her, and I'd want to know that we were able to work through our relationship and establish something permanent beforehand. But even long- term, I just don't know how I feel about pulling Sabrina away from her entire family."**

 

**Maya rolled her eyes, "So you just want to stay in the same city for the rest of your life? This was one of the issues I always had in the past. You never let me have a word on our future. I always had to follow your decisions and let everything go including my dream job. I just don't understand how you can never support me when I really needed you. And do you think every child in the world has their entire extended family within a twenty-mile radius because they don’t….. I should know."**

 

**Lucas huffed, already feeling his level of irritation rising, the conversation has just begun, "First of all, I understand that plenty of kids grow up without having a close relationship with the rest of their family, but that still doesn't mean that's the life I want for my own daughter. And considering you've been absent from her life so far, I've had to rely a lot on other family members to watch her when I couldn't. She's grown up very close to both my family and yours."**

 

**He glared at her, before moving on to address the next point she'd made, "And I don't know why you seem to resent me after we both sacrifice everything to give our child our undivided attention. Don’t you remember Maya we agreed we couldn’t go off to do what we wanted not when we had a child on the way that needed us? I never regretted leaving everything behind not when I got something better. As much as I loved saving lives, I love Sabrina a thousand times more, and for what it's worth, you mean much more to me too."**

 

**Maya swallowed, looking at him with a mixture of guilt and pity, "Lucas I never said I resented you for getting me pregnant. But just because the opportunity to be young parent happened doesn't mean we had to settle in one location and forget about our plans for the rest of our life. Are you honestly happy working 9 to 5 as a veterinarian instead of fighting crime? You said so yourself at the time, you only left the force because it was the best option at the moment, so that you could be with me and our baby."**

 

**"No, I'm not happy with my job, okay? In fact, it was just a childhood dream that ended up sucking. It's an overload of paperwork, and I have to work overtime every chance I get just to make ends meet." Lucas groaned, shutting his eyes and gently pressing the heels of his hands against them, "But I chose to work the safe and crappy job so that Sabrina would never have to worry about losing a parent. I thought you'd be thankful that I was leaving everything behind to take care of you, but instead, you hated me because you couldn't travel the world and paint while carrying a child.”**

 

**“ You’re wrong!" Maya corrected him, "I never hated you….I hated myself for being the one who held us back from everything we worked for."**

 

**"Don’t you think you aren’t being completely honest with yourself?" Lucas challenged her, "Throughout your pregnancy, while everything was happening to your body, weren't you mad at me, because I insisted we follow throughout the pregnancy when you never wanted too."**

 

**Maya felt silent tears she hadn't known were forming, falling down her cheeks in a matter of seconds as she relived the torture, "If you knew that was how I felt, why didn't you ever say something? Why go on like we were this perfect family after you knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother."**

 

**"What was I supposed to say?" Lucas exclaimed defensively.**

 

**Maya pushed her chair back, standing up and glowering down at him, "You knew how I was feeling, and you never said anything to let me know that you understood what I was going to. I suffered in silence, and you let me."**

 

**"But it's true then, you do hate me." Lucas brought the conversation back around, "I knew all the negative feelings you had surrounding me, and why would I have wanted to bring that up? I just thought that things would be different once we had the baby. Maybe you’d warm up to the feeling of being a mom and stop worrying about what could've happened. "**

 

**"But I didn’t, and you knew it." Maya pointed out, "I was in much worse shape after we had her, and you never tried to help me, or try to comfort me."**

 

**"Help you?" Lucas looked at her in disbelief, " _You_ were the one who never confided in me. If you never told me what was wrong, how was I supposed to fix it?"**

 

**"Ugh, Lucas." Maya sank back into her chair, shaking her head, "You knew. You knew what I was feeling, just like I knew you thought I would warm up to the idea, and just like I knew how disappointed you were in my lack of motherly instincts. That's probably why we were so good at pushing each other's buttons when we fought."**

 

**Lucas watched Maya's chest rise and fall, as she stared down at the table, immersed in past sadness.**

 

**"I'm sorry Maya." He reached across the table, holding his hand out, palm facing up.**

 

**Maya glanced down at it, and then tentatively brought her hand up, placing it in his. He squeezed it tight, before letting go, and retrieving his hand, letting it fall into his lap.**

 

**"All right." Lucas sighed, "Well, we've succeeded a lot in talking about the past this week, but not about the future. If I were to absolutely refuse to move to California, what would that mean?"**

 

**Maya let out an uneven breath, scowling, " _Are_ you refusing?"**

 

**Lucas shrugged, "Let's say that I am. What are your plans then?"**

 

**"My first plan would be to make you change your mind." She admitted.**

 

**"Maya..." Lucas groaned slightly, wanting to hear her plan given the situation he'd presented, hypothetical or not.**

 

**"Okay, okay." She closed her eyes, inhaling before speaking, "If you never moved to California with me, I honestly don't think I'd be able to stay in New York. I would have to go back home eventually, and I would stay committed to the other life I created with my father. But I've definitely made an absolute decision that I want to remain active in Sabrina's life, as her mother."**

 

**"And how would you do that?" Lucas asked, his voice coming out in barely more than a whisper.**

 

**"The truth?" Maya raised her eyebrows at him.**

 

**"The truth." He agreed with a nod.**

 

**"I'd want Sabrina to live with me, whether you decided to live with us or not." She delivered the blow, knowing it would upset him, even if she had already mentioned it two days before.**

 

**"So you're saying that I either uproot my life and my daughter's to move 800 miles away from our friends and family for you, after you've been absent from our lives for years, or I can choose to stay, and have you try to rip her away from me and risk living without my only child?" His feelings towards her were flipping yet again, anger becoming his primary emotion once more.**

 

**"When you phrase it like that Huckleberry, of course, it sounds terrible." Maya answered, scared he would soon blow up, and trying to put her own ounce of reason into the situation, "But the way I see it, I'm just trying to finally be the mother I should have been all along, and I want my child with me."**

 

**"But even if that means taking her away from me?" Lucas's green eyes shown intensely, pleading with her to relent, to show him some sort of acknowledgment of his own emotions, beyond when they involved herself, "Maya, you know how much my daughter means to me. And she loves me too. I've raised her so far, alone. We have a very close bond. You'd really try to use money and power to tear her away from me?"**

 

**Maya stared guiltily down at the table top, while Lucas's eyes continued to bore into her, "How could you do that to me?"**

 

**She looked up at him, "Lucas I don't want that any more than you do. I want us to raise her together!"**

 

**She jumped to her feet, walking around the table to speak to him, "You said yourself, you hate your job. That Sabrina and I are most important to you. So move out to California. Spend time with both of us. Figure out what it is you really want to do. I've found where I wanted to be, now you could have your chance to figure yourself out with us!"**

 

**She bent down to be face to face with him, and planted a tender kiss on his cheek, "Think on all we've missed out on together, that we have to make up for."**

 

**Lucas had to admit, he could visualize the pretty picture Maya was trying to paint. Some part of his brain was telling him to give into Maya's wishes, and kiss her back. But the principle behind the ultimatum she had given him was eating him away. It just wasn't right, and he couldn't force himself to let it slide.**

 

**"But Maya, if I don't, you're really going to try to take Sabrina from me?" He stood up, looking her straight in the eye, giving her one more chance to retract her statement.**

 

**"Huckleberry, like I said, I'm just saying regardless of the choice you make, I'm going to do all I can to be Sabrina's full-time mother." She raised her chin slightly, a sign of stubborn will, but also body language signaling defense, sensing Lucas's impending anger.**

 

**"After all I've said, about how much I love my daughter, how much she loves all of her family here, about how much I love _you,_ and you're still willing to put me through that?" He scoffed loudly, shaking his head at her, "I can't believe you."**

 

**"Ranger Rick, you wanted me to be honest with you!" Maya pleaded, "That's what I was. I could have lied and told you I'd stay here and never make a peep, but we'd both know that wasn't the truth. And if I told you that I was going to go back and leave Sabrina here, wouldn't you just accuse me of abandoning her again? I've already told you what I really want, and that's for all of us to be together!"**

 

**"In fucking California!" Lucas shouted, "Why should I be the one to make the sacrifices this time? It's always me! If you want back into our lives so much, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to do that! If you really loved me, you wouldn't be willing to rip my only daughter away from me, knowing how much she means to me, and the pain that would cause me!"**

 

**"Lucas that's not true!" Maya tried to place her hands on his shoulders, but he violently jerked away, "I do love you, and I want to be with you. But I can't go back to living the way I was years ago. I'd be just as unhappy, and our relationship would be too."**

 

**"That doesn't matter anymore!" Lucas insisted, "You and I don't have a relationship, and we never will again. I thought you coming back here might have meant your priorities had changed, but they obviously haven't. No matter what you say, the fact that you'd be willing to put me through all that pain makes me certain that you don't love me. I don't even think you're capable of real love at all."**

 

**"That's not true!" Tears were rapidly falling now, streaming down her face.**

 

**Lucas glared at her, no sympathy behind his eyes, "I think I really do hate you. You're a disgusting human being. I don't know how anyone could ever love someone so cold and heartless."**

 

**"Lucas! Please!" Her tears changed to shattering sobs, and she folded over as they attacked her.**

 

**"I guess I'm going to see you in court." He shifted his eyes away from her, to avoid watching her cry, "For now, I just want you out of my house."**

 

**S** **he screamed furiously at the command, through her tears, and approached him angrily, smacking him once across the chest.**

 

**"I can't talk to you!" She shouted, "You refuse to listen to anything you don't want to hear, and then you act like this when you do! I love you, Lucas! I could tell you a thousand times and it wouldn't be enough; I swear, I love you!"**

 

**Lucas still held his gaze away from her, "I want you to go!" He insisted, "Just shut up, and leave."**

 

**Maya tried to suppress the new sobs that began to rack her body, as she turned away from him. Clearly, he needed to cool down, and she couldn't handle much more of his verbal abuse herself, to be honest.**

 

**"Jackass." She snapped at him, storming away, trying to avoid running as she fled.** **Lucas stood stiff, wincing when she slammed the front door so hard the walls shook, and then he collapsed into himself, feeling his own tears building. He could only imagine this ending one way, where he lost both Maya and Sabrina and was forced to live out a miserable life alone. The thought was unbearable.**

 

**A buzzing sound cuts into the now silent room, the same time as the sound of Maya's engine starting sounded outside. He looked around for the source of the noise, spotting an iPhone on the counter.**

 

**He walked towards it and picked it up. It was Maya's. He couldn't help but glance down.**

 

**_New text from: Boing_ **

 

**"Who..." Lucas clicked 'view now' without even thinking, and stared down at the message without blinking.**

 

**_Let’s continue the long game. I miss you. Are you back in Cali yet? Call me._ **

 

**"Oh fucking perfect," Lucas muttered sarcastically to himself. He set the phone back on the counter, and slid it forcefully across the surface, until it fell off the other end, hitting the floor with a thud.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Maya and Lucas had other problems way before she left.....Also after Maya found out about Kermit not really being her father she then decided to use that as an excuse to run away from the life she thought she didn't deserve so that's why she left without saying a word to Lucas and now that she is spending time with her daughter Maya is starting to realize she was the only person pushing herself away from her daughter and decided to repair what she broke before it's too late although her future plans is causing a rift between her and Lucas.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I continue


End file.
